More Grist to the Mill
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "The Last Nightmare - 1925"Book 2 of the Cleeborough Mill Trilogy
31 total reviews
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
PANTYGYNT:
I would think the Rector Charles Thorpe would be quite pleased that
Mr. Allen did not find evidence of anything that would further cause
the town of Cleeborough any issues. Mr. Allen has been very thorough
in his investigation, I believe. I have truly enjoyed this novel.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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PANTYGYNT:
I would think the Rector Charles Thorpe would be quite pleased that
Mr. Allen did not find evidence of anything that would further cause
the town of Cleeborough any issues. Mr. Allen has been very thorough
in his investigation, I believe. I have truly enjoyed this novel.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 04-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for your positive review. We are not finished yet though, in fact we are just under half way through this second book of the trilogy although this part of it comes to an end with the next post. I hope you will continue to enjoy the rest.
Comment from RetroStarfish
What a vividly described dream and clever way of portraying the final moments of both Tom Warburton and Hettie. You've taken the reader from the Mill to the Somme and back to the comfort of the Inn. Well done.
Such imagery:
"...macabre baubles decorating a ghastly Christmas tree of death..."
I have just one small suggestion and that is to revisit the second sentence: "...always the same, unchanging..." is slightly repetitive and redundant.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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What a vividly described dream and clever way of portraying the final moments of both Tom Warburton and Hettie. You've taken the reader from the Mill to the Somme and back to the comfort of the Inn. Well done.
Such imagery:
"...macabre baubles decorating a ghastly Christmas tree of death..."
I have just one small suggestion and that is to revisit the second sentence: "...always the same, unchanging..." is slightly repetitive and redundant.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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Thank you for this magnificent six-star review and for picking out that almost repeat. It has gone now.
Comment from roof35
This is so well written that it makes me think about what a novice I am. I was totally transfixed. It is wonderfully done. If we had seven stars, I would award them to this chapter. I mention a couple of little typos in "the story so far" just so you can fix them. You typed the letter J twice for Jericho and the letter f appears in the word and.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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This is so well written that it makes me think about what a novice I am. I was totally transfixed. It is wonderfully done. If we had seven stars, I would award them to this chapter. I mention a couple of little typos in "the story so far" just so you can fix them. You typed the letter J twice for Jericho and the letter f appears in the word and.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for this glowing review. I am so pleased you thought it worked well. I did wonder whether it not work but so far it has been very well received. It is good to know someone reads the story so far bit as no one before you has commented on those two errors. Thanks to you they are gone now.
Comment from muffinmama
Very, very intense chapter. I was riveted to the descriptions of the battlefield, as relayed through the nightmare. And the sexual death dance of the two ghosts was also compelling.
Peter Allen obviously needed to work through some of his own demons by pursuing this story. It worked; the nightmare ending changed and brought him some peace. The final part of the chapter, the discussion with Charles, sheds light on his persistence to reach a satisfactory conclusion to the question of suicide.
Very enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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Very, very intense chapter. I was riveted to the descriptions of the battlefield, as relayed through the nightmare. And the sexual death dance of the two ghosts was also compelling.
Peter Allen obviously needed to work through some of his own demons by pursuing this story. It worked; the nightmare ending changed and brought him some peace. The final part of the chapter, the discussion with Charles, sheds light on his persistence to reach a satisfactory conclusion to the question of suicide.
Very enjoyable read.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for this review and those wonderful words, 'It worked', because until the reviews started coming in I wasn't sure whether it would.
Comment from JudyE
This is powerful writing and conveys to the reader some of the horrors of the conditions the soldiers faced, and the atrocities they saw, none of which civilians can ever fully appreciate. The narrative is very well handled and we learn that Allen has been more affected by his experiences than we might at first have thought.
A few thoughts:
In reality this had been strung in front of the German trenches, but in the dream it was ubiquitous. - comma needed after 'reality'
Crossing enemy wire was a standard procedure all infantrymen trained for. - nit-picking. Does it sound pretentious to say: 'Crossing enemy wire was a standard procedure for which all infantrymen trained'?
The language might be different, depending on whose army was firing, but the implication for those caught in No-Man's-Land, by the whispering death from those lethal fingers, reaching out in beaten zones of flying lead, was always the same. - I'm having trouble making this make sense. :( I'm prepared to admit it's me, not the writing. :)
The festoons of wire in the vision were giving way now to the curved lip of a shell crater above and foul, mudded water below. - is 'mudded' intentional?
Indeed it was impossible to say which vision was superior. - comma after 'Indeed', I think.
As she neared the water's edge a bouquet of roses came arcing through sky in slow motion. - typo 'through the sky'
This bouquet had always previously appeared as a German stick grenade, which seemed to hover in the shell-shocked air above them, before eventually landing on the lip of the crater, between Warburton and himself. This time, though, it appeared as a bouquet of roses. - 'bouquet of roses' appears twice. Maybe state a colour the second time just to have a difference?
Death, now spent of his lust, spat out the corpse of the lifeless girl from the maelstrom of the stop-wave, and sent it careering downstream, slowly sinking under the weight of its waterlogged petticoats into the whirlpool, the crater had now become. - delete comma after 'whirlpool'
'Do you believe in dreams, Charles?' asked Allen from the upholstered comfort of the rector's arm chair, later that morning, - comma after 'Allen'
'Oh it's been worthwhile all right,' Allen answered. - comma after 'Oh'
It's still unique. under normal circumstances, it is only the attempted suicides - capitalise 'under'
Congratulations on some really impressive writing.
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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This is powerful writing and conveys to the reader some of the horrors of the conditions the soldiers faced, and the atrocities they saw, none of which civilians can ever fully appreciate. The narrative is very well handled and we learn that Allen has been more affected by his experiences than we might at first have thought.
A few thoughts:
In reality this had been strung in front of the German trenches, but in the dream it was ubiquitous. - comma needed after 'reality'
Crossing enemy wire was a standard procedure all infantrymen trained for. - nit-picking. Does it sound pretentious to say: 'Crossing enemy wire was a standard procedure for which all infantrymen trained'?
The language might be different, depending on whose army was firing, but the implication for those caught in No-Man's-Land, by the whispering death from those lethal fingers, reaching out in beaten zones of flying lead, was always the same. - I'm having trouble making this make sense. :( I'm prepared to admit it's me, not the writing. :)
The festoons of wire in the vision were giving way now to the curved lip of a shell crater above and foul, mudded water below. - is 'mudded' intentional?
Indeed it was impossible to say which vision was superior. - comma after 'Indeed', I think.
As she neared the water's edge a bouquet of roses came arcing through sky in slow motion. - typo 'through the sky'
This bouquet had always previously appeared as a German stick grenade, which seemed to hover in the shell-shocked air above them, before eventually landing on the lip of the crater, between Warburton and himself. This time, though, it appeared as a bouquet of roses. - 'bouquet of roses' appears twice. Maybe state a colour the second time just to have a difference?
Death, now spent of his lust, spat out the corpse of the lifeless girl from the maelstrom of the stop-wave, and sent it careering downstream, slowly sinking under the weight of its waterlogged petticoats into the whirlpool, the crater had now become. - delete comma after 'whirlpool'
'Do you believe in dreams, Charles?' asked Allen from the upholstered comfort of the rector's arm chair, later that morning, - comma after 'Allen'
'Oh it's been worthwhile all right,' Allen answered. - comma after 'Oh'
It's still unique. under normal circumstances, it is only the attempted suicides - capitalise 'under'
Congratulations on some really impressive writing.
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 04-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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Thank you for this extremely helpful review. I have rewritten the 'bouquet of roses' paragraph and i think it reads better now. Thank you for the congratulatory remarks on this chapter. Such comments are worth more to me than all the stars in the galaxy.. I had wondered if it might be considered OTT but there have been no adverse comments to date so perhaps I got it right after all.
Comment from damommy
What a horrible dream he has been having over and over. I'm happy it's come to an end for him. I agree with Charles about dreams, but I must say, sometimes I've thought a dream was a sign. There may never be an answer to Hettie's death, and maybe that's as it should be.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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What a horrible dream he has been having over and over. I'm happy it's come to an end for him. I agree with Charles about dreams, but I must say, sometimes I've thought a dream was a sign. There may never be an answer to Hettie's death, and maybe that's as it should be.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
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Thank you for reading and reviewing this somewhat disturbing chapter. Remember, Allen was not primarily concerned with the 'how's of Hettie's death but the 'why'.
Comment from Cass Carlton
Well, Peter had some dreadful nightmares.Your account of his
nighttime torture is movingly depicted in this sensitively
written episode. I am sure many a man who saw active service
would relate closely to Peter's experience. The cessation of hostilities was, for many, the beginning of their own private Hell on Earth. I am glad to read that this was the last time Peter will have this nightmare. Somehow this inquiry of his has brought about a measure of healing which is well
deserved and long overdue. The dream sequences of the battlefield are excellently done. No-one not acquainted with the reality of the scene would think of singing.Even such a mad little ditty as was sung about the men held on the wire.
A most important chapter Jim, as it shows Peter is healing along with his discoveries about Hettie's death.Well written
(as always) and quite a surprise in its content.cheers Cass
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2021
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Well, Peter had some dreadful nightmares.Your account of his
nighttime torture is movingly depicted in this sensitively
written episode. I am sure many a man who saw active service
would relate closely to Peter's experience. The cessation of hostilities was, for many, the beginning of their own private Hell on Earth. I am glad to read that this was the last time Peter will have this nightmare. Somehow this inquiry of his has brought about a measure of healing which is well
deserved and long overdue. The dream sequences of the battlefield are excellently done. No-one not acquainted with the reality of the scene would think of singing.Even such a mad little ditty as was sung about the men held on the wire.
A most important chapter Jim, as it shows Peter is healing along with his discoveries about Hettie's death.Well written
(as always) and quite a surprise in its content.cheers Cass
Comment Written 03-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for this empathetic, six star review. It is very much appreciated.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a very different point of view painted in a dream. As in most dreams actual possibilities of things happening are doubtful and confusing, but you've tied it all up nicely when the dream is over and the two men are discussing the whole investigation. Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2021
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This is a very different point of view painted in a dream. As in most dreams actual possibilities of things happening are doubtful and confusing, but you've tied it all up nicely when the dream is over and the two men are discussing the whole investigation. Well done.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2021
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I am so pleased you liked this chapter. I was concerned as to hiwd it might be received but in the event it has gone down well with èviewrs so thank you for that lovely sixth star.
Comment from tfawcus
I had not considered the possibility of Peter Allen's shellshock, or that one of the motivations for his investigation was to help lay his own ghosts to rest. A surprising twist and one executed with cinematographic efficiency. The interspersing of those wartime jingles adds a surreal effect.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2021
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I had not considered the possibility of Peter Allen's shellshock, or that one of the motivations for his investigation was to help lay his own ghosts to rest. A surprising twist and one executed with cinematographic efficiency. The interspersing of those wartime jingles adds a surreal effect.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2021
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You are the first reviewer to comment that this sequence was indicative of Allen's own trauma. Thank you for that and for the whole of this six star review.
Comment from nomi338
Thanks for the wrap up. You have done a fine and through job of tying up loose ends. i feel that I can go on now, Though I will always mourn the loss of Tom Warburton. I really envisioned a marriage between he and Heather.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2021
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Thanks for the wrap up. You have done a fine and through job of tying up loose ends. i feel that I can go on now, Though I will always mourn the loss of Tom Warburton. I really envisioned a marriage between he and Heather.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2021
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I am sorry to have killed off your favourite character but he was really too good for this world. Thank you for your kind review.
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I can find a measure of comfort in that.