More Grist to the Mill
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Murder Considered"Book 2 of the Cleeborough Mill Trilogy
32 total reviews
Comment from greyson ernst
this is really really good and congrats!!!!!!!!!!!! on being 3# novelist and as always keep writing and stay safe have a good rest of the day
sincerely Greyson Ernst
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2021
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this is really really good and congrats!!!!!!!!!!!! on being 3# novelist and as always keep writing and stay safe have a good rest of the day
sincerely Greyson Ernst
Comment Written 25-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2021
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Many thanks for this review and your congratulations. The rankings are always mercurial in the first two months of the year. As you can see I have slipped back to #5 this morning.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Well written and continues to lure me on to see "now what happens?" Your priest seems to be becoming uncomfortable with their research and cogitations while lawyer is more enthusiastic. Good point to raise urgency.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Well written and continues to lure me on to see "now what happens?" Your priest seems to be becoming uncomfortable with their research and cogitations while lawyer is more enthusiastic. Good point to raise urgency.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Many thanks for this sensitive review. Yes the rector is finding trouble nearer to home than he previously realised
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I found that you significantly slowed down the pace in this chapter. In real time dinner had already finished as it began, and the vicar had just left at the end. That gave them (and us) plenty of time to mullover the content of the letters and their exact meanings'. I'm still looking forward to going on with this book. Katherine M.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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I found that you significantly slowed down the pace in this chapter. In real time dinner had already finished as it began, and the vicar had just left at the end. That gave them (and us) plenty of time to mullover the content of the letters and their exact meanings'. I'm still looking forward to going on with this book. Katherine M.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Many thanks for this kind review. I don't think I made a conscious effort to slow the pace but variations in pace are no bad thing, and if you found it changed then it must have been.
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I found the change a positive thing. Nothing about a book should be monotonous to me.
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Too right!
Comment from RetroStarfish
It's good to have my weekly fix of the mystery of Hettie's death and Tom Warburton's role (if any) in it.
Again, you excel at the even-paced, companionable dialogue of the period.
I do find that I am ready for the action to move out of the hotel room and on to the village, or even the mill, soon.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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It's good to have my weekly fix of the mystery of Hettie's death and Tom Warburton's role (if any) in it.
Again, you excel at the even-paced, companionable dialogue of the period.
I do find that I am ready for the action to move out of the hotel room and on to the village, or even the mill, soon.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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I know - next time - I promise. Many thanks for reviewing.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Hm, still not a very clear culprit, it's hard to pin the blame in any of the Tom's. Let's see what the next chapter will bring. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Hm, still not a very clear culprit, it's hard to pin the blame in any of the Tom's. Let's see what the next chapter will bring. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for this review. It is indeed a knotty problem.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gripping! I am shocked that this is occrruring 25 years after the fact! I don't recall whether last week's episode was set in 1925--I'd assumed it was 1900. Brilliant dialog.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Gripping! I am shocked that this is occrruring 25 years after the fact! I don't recall whether last week's episode was set in 1925--I'd assumed it was 1900. Brilliant dialog.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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The visit of Allen to Cleeborough takes place in 1925. Hettie's death was in January 1901. This is not an official investigation. Many thanks for the review.
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Do you mean that the chapter prior was also in 1925 or back in 1901?
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All the chapters in this book so far take place in 1925. But the events the two men are investigating took place in 1901. This is made clear in chapter 1.
Comment from lyenochka
Hmm. I wonder if all was for nothing that our dear Tom W. sacrificed his honor to protect Tom J, if indeed Hettie was murdered! I wonder if Bertie is the villain...
I enjoyed the discussion about the reasons for suicide and the good rector's puzzling over the different ones he had known about. I also like using another historical event - the suffragette movement to put us in the right time period.
Great job with the natural conversation especially with the rector second-guessing and stopping himself as he recalled some information.
Question:
...or of whom I have otherwise become aware, who have not, have not committed suicide.' (Are the two "have not" necessary? It was a rather convoluted sentence so I might have missed something.)
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Hmm. I wonder if all was for nothing that our dear Tom W. sacrificed his honor to protect Tom J, if indeed Hettie was murdered! I wonder if Bertie is the villain...
I enjoyed the discussion about the reasons for suicide and the good rector's puzzling over the different ones he had known about. I also like using another historical event - the suffragette movement to put us in the right time period.
Great job with the natural conversation especially with the rector second-guessing and stopping himself as he recalled some information.
Question:
...or of whom I have otherwise become aware, who have not, have not committed suicide.' (Are the two "have not" necessary? It was a rather convoluted sentence so I might have missed something.)
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Thank heavens for 'the thinking reader' - in this case, your good self. Had I not used up my monthly allowance of recommendations for RoM, this six star review would get one. The repetition was, I felt, the sort of thing he might well say in emphasis at that point, but I thank you for asking the question. There is also a subsidiary clause too many in that 'rather convoluted sentence'. I have altered it slightly.
Comment from JudyE
I shudder to think what Collett will have to say. Oh well, forewarned is forearmed as they say. :)
A few observations for you to mull over:
'She mentions the mill as well. Is she referring to the lost custom? - speech marks needed at end
Presumably one party is Hettie herself, but there are no end of candidates - comma after 'Presumably' and should it be 'there is no end'?
then it bears out what I have always thought namely, that the conventionally accepted reasons - comma after 'thought'
'May I have a closer look at the other one, please, Tom Warburton's?' - question mark after 'please'
'Whatever else he may have been!' echoed the lawyer with heavy sarcasm. - comma after 'lawyer'?
Finally there was the matter of her own note, what amounted to a suicide note, being found at virtually the same time as the writer of it is perhaps murdered would have been too much of a coincidence. - comma after 'Finally'. This is a long sentence and I'm battling to make sense of it.
For the same reason they came to the conclusion that she had not met her death by accident.' - comma after 'reason'
'Now, you are beginning to sound like me,' said the lawyer in some surprise. - delete comma after 'now', add comma after 'lawyer'
In that time I have been concerned with two suicides of unmarried, pregnant girls, - comma after 'time'
that they had committed suicide because they were unmarried and pregnant, and anyway what else could you expect of blondes? - comma after 'anyway'
The girl had confessed to her father, who took the horse whip to her. - should 'horse whip' be hyphenated?
The marks of the beating were discovered on the body, and the father had to defend himself against suspicion of murder. In much the same way as Tom Warburton seems to have come under suspicion here - should the period be replaced with a comma?
At one point he kept asking why she had done it, as they could have been happy together in the mill, him, his daughter and his grandchild. - should there be something 'stronger' after 'mill', maybe a semi-colon?
Hardly the picture of the stern, Victorian paterfamilias is it?' - comma after 'paterfamilias'
As I say, in both cases everyone assumed that pregnancy, was the reason. - delete comma after 'pregnancy'
Other times I can only wonder why more people don't do it - comma after 'times'
'I can see I have walked into the trap you have carefully set for me Peter. - comma after 'me'
the nearest he got to action was the officers mess at G.H.Q. - apostrophe needed 'officers' mess'
How is the pandemic in your area? We are very fortunate here and have virtually no restrictions.
Best wishes and stay safe
Judy
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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I shudder to think what Collett will have to say. Oh well, forewarned is forearmed as they say. :)
A few observations for you to mull over:
'She mentions the mill as well. Is she referring to the lost custom? - speech marks needed at end
Presumably one party is Hettie herself, but there are no end of candidates - comma after 'Presumably' and should it be 'there is no end'?
then it bears out what I have always thought namely, that the conventionally accepted reasons - comma after 'thought'
'May I have a closer look at the other one, please, Tom Warburton's?' - question mark after 'please'
'Whatever else he may have been!' echoed the lawyer with heavy sarcasm. - comma after 'lawyer'?
Finally there was the matter of her own note, what amounted to a suicide note, being found at virtually the same time as the writer of it is perhaps murdered would have been too much of a coincidence. - comma after 'Finally'. This is a long sentence and I'm battling to make sense of it.
For the same reason they came to the conclusion that she had not met her death by accident.' - comma after 'reason'
'Now, you are beginning to sound like me,' said the lawyer in some surprise. - delete comma after 'now', add comma after 'lawyer'
In that time I have been concerned with two suicides of unmarried, pregnant girls, - comma after 'time'
that they had committed suicide because they were unmarried and pregnant, and anyway what else could you expect of blondes? - comma after 'anyway'
The girl had confessed to her father, who took the horse whip to her. - should 'horse whip' be hyphenated?
The marks of the beating were discovered on the body, and the father had to defend himself against suspicion of murder. In much the same way as Tom Warburton seems to have come under suspicion here - should the period be replaced with a comma?
At one point he kept asking why she had done it, as they could have been happy together in the mill, him, his daughter and his grandchild. - should there be something 'stronger' after 'mill', maybe a semi-colon?
Hardly the picture of the stern, Victorian paterfamilias is it?' - comma after 'paterfamilias'
As I say, in both cases everyone assumed that pregnancy, was the reason. - delete comma after 'pregnancy'
Other times I can only wonder why more people don't do it - comma after 'times'
'I can see I have walked into the trap you have carefully set for me Peter. - comma after 'me'
the nearest he got to action was the officers mess at G.H.Q. - apostrophe needed 'officers' mess'
How is the pandemic in your area? We are very fortunate here and have virtually no restrictions.
Best wishes and stay safe
Judy
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Many thanks for this thorough inspection of the chapter. Your painstaking work actually caused me to rewrite certain sections rather than adjust the comma placings and omissions.
As far as the pandemic is concerned, my personal routine is largely unaffected as I am retired and live alone in an isolated rural area, but the fact remains that we are locked down with no hospitality to speak of. The last time I went into a pub was last February, almost a year ago.
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I know there is a strong pub tradition in Ireland and Great Britain. I'm sure some are finding the lockdown extremely taxing. I'm glad you're not too affected but even if you like your own company, there comes a time when you'd like a bit of a chat with someone - anyone!
Would you like the chapter read again? I don't mind but don't want to be pushy. lol
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Please yes. They weren't major rewrites, but it would help to know what you feel.
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In my opinion, the text reads more easily now. The few passages I found a bit convoluted first time around are much clearer.
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Thanks for the overtime. It is much appreciated.
Comment from Jay Squires
Another excellent read, Jim. A few things crossed my mind as I was reading.
and anyway what else could you expect of blondes? [Even back in the twenties? I thought the jokes about blondes being stupid was of recent origin.
he pondered on how best to cope with the dislikeable Bertram. [Jim, I was trying to track down the difference between dislikeable and unlikeable. I can't afford the time on it now, but you might want to look into it. To me, dislikeable could have as much to do with Bertram disliking others rather than being a person that others tended to dislike.]
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Another excellent read, Jim. A few things crossed my mind as I was reading.
and anyway what else could you expect of blondes? [Even back in the twenties? I thought the jokes about blondes being stupid was of recent origin.
he pondered on how best to cope with the dislikeable Bertram. [Jim, I was trying to track down the difference between dislikeable and unlikeable. I can't afford the time on it now, but you might want to look into it. To me, dislikeable could have as much to do with Bertram disliking others rather than being a person that others tended to dislike.]
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Thank you for this interesting review. it certainly had me wondering. The terse one liner type of 'blonde joke' is undoubtedly of fairly recent origin and, as a result, I am leaving that overt reference out while keeping the rector's reminiscence in. Apparently the earliest reference to the 'dumb blonde' is as early as 1775 and another is the 1925 launch of the novel 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes', and we are in 1925. By happy accident it is topical!
Comment from BethShelby
This was another interesting chapter with the two men being no closer to a conclusion as to what might have happened. I'm glad Allen is finally going to talk to butcher but I really hope he will talk to Heather soon.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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This was another interesting chapter with the two men being no closer to a conclusion as to what might have happened. I'm glad Allen is finally going to talk to butcher but I really hope he will talk to Heather soon.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Allen desperately wants to talk to Heather too, but he knows he has to build up a case that will make Tommy Bache let him, and anything gleaned on the way is likely to be valuable. Many thanks for this review.
