Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Betrayal Chapter 12"In the title.
40 total reviews
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
It seems like everyone has a plan. First Tania, then Colin, now Grant.
Well, I plan to read the next chapter to see how it all works out. :)
You've developed the details of this meeting very well. Grant needs to slowly come to the realization that Colin is a thief. Colin being a gambler lends believability, as well as motive for his actions.
Minor suggestion: I'd drop the "whatever."
'Whatever. Anyway, it didn't stop."
and here: 'Whatever. Your half-brother's new source was Tania."
Maybe use, "Well, you're...
Well done, my friend.
Looking forward to the next plan.
Best wishes, stay safe.
Robert
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
  |
Hello Sandra,
It seems like everyone has a plan. First Tania, then Colin, now Grant.
Well, I plan to read the next chapter to see how it all works out. :)
You've developed the details of this meeting very well. Grant needs to slowly come to the realization that Colin is a thief. Colin being a gambler lends believability, as well as motive for his actions.
Minor suggestion: I'd drop the "whatever."
'Whatever. Anyway, it didn't stop."
and here: 'Whatever. Your half-brother's new source was Tania."
Maybe use, "Well, you're...
Well done, my friend.
Looking forward to the next plan.
Best wishes, stay safe.
Robert
Comment Written 15-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
-
Thank you so very much for your lovely, helpful review, Robert, and all the beautiful stars. I've removed the, 'Whatever' from both sentences, they were't really needed. I'm so pleased you thought the gambling worked. Now, the big plan is going to be thrashed out!! I'm so glad you plan to read it!! LOL. Thank you, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xxxx
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
This is excruciating--I feel their panic and despair--how will they find her--and will it be too late--I trust this will have a happy ending--but they don't know that! Gripping!
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
 |
This is excruciating--I feel their panic and despair--how will they find her--and will it be too late--I trust this will have a happy ending--but they don't know that! Gripping!
Comment Written 15-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
-
Thank you, Liz, this is a lovely review. I especially like that you feel their panic and despair. Happy ending? You should know me by now, my friend, lol. Warm hugs, have a lovely day. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Well I do hope Grant can find his rotten half brother and rescue Tania. Who knows what he might do to her. I don't see how he can get away with this so he may have to get rid of the witness. Hurry with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
|
Well I do hope Grant can find his rotten half brother and rescue Tania. Who knows what he might do to her. I don't see how he can get away with this so he may have to get rid of the witness. Hurry with the next chapter.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
-
Thank you so much, Rox, your reviews are always so encouraging. The next part is almost ready. :)) Warm hugs, my friend.n :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Cindy Warren
Grant is choking on that crow, isn't he? At least when he calls and explains the situation, the police will want to get involved. There can't be that many places he could have taken her. I think they'll figure it out.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
|
Grant is choking on that crow, isn't he? At least when he calls and explains the situation, the police will want to get involved. There can't be that many places he could have taken her. I think they'll figure it out.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
-
Thank you so very much for your wonderful review, Cindy. Grant will be calling in the troops, but not what you think. :)) Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello Sandra, this is a really interesting chapter with some good dialogue. You keep the pace going along strongly. 'He'd always known Colin was a thief and a liar.' Yet, later we read - ''It was shortly after that he began bringing me plans. Well, to be honest, I was staggered. He'd never shown any interest in becoming an architect, or entering the family business. When he came up with detailed plans for a project I was involved in, I was elated. They were perfect. I didn't once stop to think how he'd managed to do it.' - For a high powered businessman I feel Grant was easily taken in, knowing the character of his half-brother.
Becoming an architect takes years of training I'm surprised he did not dig deeper into things initially. But this is just my opinion and does not detract from the excellent way you are tackling the story. It is really interesting. You are doing a tremendous job and I applaud you. I found no typos and I look forward to your next episode. Well done, love Dorothy xxx
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
|
Hello Sandra, this is a really interesting chapter with some good dialogue. You keep the pace going along strongly. 'He'd always known Colin was a thief and a liar.' Yet, later we read - ''It was shortly after that he began bringing me plans. Well, to be honest, I was staggered. He'd never shown any interest in becoming an architect, or entering the family business. When he came up with detailed plans for a project I was involved in, I was elated. They were perfect. I didn't once stop to think how he'd managed to do it.' - For a high powered businessman I feel Grant was easily taken in, knowing the character of his half-brother.
Becoming an architect takes years of training I'm surprised he did not dig deeper into things initially. But this is just my opinion and does not detract from the excellent way you are tackling the story. It is really interesting. You are doing a tremendous job and I applaud you. I found no typos and I look forward to your next episode. Well done, love Dorothy xxx
Comment Written 14-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
-
Hi Dorothy, thank you so much for your helpful review, and the lovely six stars. Your point about training is well taken. There is a part in a previous chapter that I can tweek to cover the training aspect, and I can then tweek this part. I should have thought of that myself. I'm glad you like the story and hope you will continue reading. I'm posting one more part before Christmas, and then will continue afterwards. Thank you again, my friend. Warm hugs and love. :)) Sandra xxx
-
Hello Sandra, I love your story - don't take too much notice of what I suggest, tweeking might cause you more work. You are doing great without me interfering. Keep up the good work - do I need to tell you, of all people, to do that? LOL! Love D xxxx
-
Oh, I do, and will, take notice of what you said. It was a very valid and important point. It won't mean too much work, so don't worry about that. And, if such a thing happens again, please don't hold back, it's reviews like yours that has improved my writing, and I'm not too vain as to think it's perfect!! Much love back, my friend. xx
Comment from estory
Some good pointed dialogue in this chapter. We see Grant squirming at the discovery of his connection, even if a bit tenuous, to Colin and the accusations that he might be somehow to blame for Tania's disappearance. He feels some guilt there at skipping over his feelings that the designs he bought might be hers, but that he bought them anyway from Colin. We have the motivation for Colin's kidnapping of Tania, now we just have to find her...estory
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2020
|
Some good pointed dialogue in this chapter. We see Grant squirming at the discovery of his connection, even if a bit tenuous, to Colin and the accusations that he might be somehow to blame for Tania's disappearance. He feels some guilt there at skipping over his feelings that the designs he bought might be hers, but that he bought them anyway from Colin. We have the motivation for Colin's kidnapping of Tania, now we just have to find her...estory
Comment Written 14-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2020
-
Thank you so much for this lovely review, Estory, and giving me your thoughts. Now Monica has put him in the picture, he will be desperate to find Tania and have more than a quiet word with Colin. I'm glad you are still enjoying the story, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Ric Myworld
Looks like Grant is joining in the fight to find Tania and save her from that scoundrel Colin. Now, we just to hope it happens soon enough. Of course, I'm sure it will. LOL. Thanks for sharing another fun chapter.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2020
|
Looks like Grant is joining in the fight to find Tania and save her from that scoundrel Colin. Now, we just to hope it happens soon enough. Of course, I'm sure it will. LOL. Thanks for sharing another fun chapter.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2020
-
aw, thank you so much, Ric, for those lovely shiny stars. No, it won't be an easy ride finding Tania, but there is a lot of action coming up. Stay with me, my wonderful friend! Warm hugs! :)) Sandra xxxx
Comment from Sanku
I hope Grant will soon call Colin pretending to discuss or something .I hope the slimy rascal has not harmed her .The story is really moving towards some exciting action ....Waiting for the next.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2020
|
I hope Grant will soon call Colin pretending to discuss or something .I hope the slimy rascal has not harmed her .The story is really moving towards some exciting action ....Waiting for the next.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2020
-
Thank you so much, Sanku, for another lovely review. Yes, the action will be starting! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from tfawcus
Well, that's sorted a few things out! You've left things wide open as to what happens next but, with the resources at Grant's command, it shouldn't be too difficult to track Colin down. He still holds the ace in the hole, though. They'll have to tread carefully. Great writing.
Just one punctuation slip. I don't think you meant this to be a question. I've now got a horrible suspicion they all belonged to Tania, not Colin?'
Looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2020
|
Well, that's sorted a few things out! You've left things wide open as to what happens next but, with the resources at Grant's command, it shouldn't be too difficult to track Colin down. He still holds the ace in the hole, though. They'll have to tread carefully. Great writing.
Just one punctuation slip. I don't think you meant this to be a question. I've now got a horrible suspicion they all belonged to Tania, not Colin?'
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2020
-
Thank you so much, Tony, for such a lovely review and all those wonderfull stars. Now the search begins in earnest! Thank you for the pick up! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from lyenochka
Hooray! I feel so much more relief that Grant knows and that Monica was able to tell everything he needed to know. But how will they find Tania? Hopefully, she's unharmed!
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2020
|
Hooray! I feel so much more relief that Grant knows and that Monica was able to tell everything he needed to know. But how will they find Tania? Hopefully, she's unharmed!
Comment Written 14-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2020
-
Now Grant is with her, things are going to happen. :)) I'm really pleased you are enjoying this story, Helen, thank you so much. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx