Old Decrepit Woman Revised.
Written about a painting I saw.177 total reviews
Comment from rashi kumar
A very well-written poem!
Heart-touching lines and so are the author notes!
Such a realistic portrayal of the old sad lady.
The artwork you chose is so apt for it.
Very good expressions,
very good appeal!
God bless all such people with a better life!
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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A very well-written poem!
Heart-touching lines and so are the author notes!
Such a realistic portrayal of the old sad lady.
The artwork you chose is so apt for it.
Very good expressions,
very good appeal!
God bless all such people with a better life!
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you.
Comment from Azoron2
Very good and thought out.
Just remember we all will face death, but we know not when or how. We are all a child of God, though some of us have strayed from or refuse to follow the straight and narrow path back to God.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Very good and thought out.
Just remember we all will face death, but we know not when or how. We are all a child of God, though some of us have strayed from or refuse to follow the straight and narrow path back to God.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Azoron.
Comment from jackpeg
It's easy to see that your sympathies are with this very aged and decrepit woman. But the opening line leaves me wondering what you mean exactly by referring to her as "the woes of all [your] prayers and grieving." I like the very inventive phrase, "like s raisin losing its breath." Also "Poor Daughter of Eve" is a very biblical expression. C.S. Lewis used it in his
"Chronicles of Narnia series." I don't think the prosaic, free verse form is very poetic, but could be if metered, never-mind rhyme. Lastly, your references are to both Christian themes and Greek mythology, which is like a scientific treatise making references to alchemy.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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It's easy to see that your sympathies are with this very aged and decrepit woman. But the opening line leaves me wondering what you mean exactly by referring to her as "the woes of all [your] prayers and grieving." I like the very inventive phrase, "like s raisin losing its breath." Also "Poor Daughter of Eve" is a very biblical expression. C.S. Lewis used it in his
"Chronicles of Narnia series." I don't think the prosaic, free verse form is very poetic, but could be if metered, never-mind rhyme. Lastly, your references are to both Christian themes and Greek mythology, which is like a scientific treatise making references to alchemy.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your honesty jack.
Comment from Jay Squires
An excellent poem, Boz. You've reached all the way down to the collective unconscious for the soul of all of us that looms behind the eyes of this Old Decrepit Woman who is "Like a raisin losing its breath."
I had to throw in that image I loved.
I like your style,Boz.
Blessings,
Jay
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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An excellent poem, Boz. You've reached all the way down to the collective unconscious for the soul of all of us that looms behind the eyes of this Old Decrepit Woman who is "Like a raisin losing its breath."
I had to throw in that image I loved.
I like your style,Boz.
Blessings,
Jay
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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you're welcome.
Comment from donnadiann
The art is very realistic--like a photograph, and it tells a good story itself. Your poem is well worded and sensitively toned toward the old woman. It also tells of a struggling life the woman appeared to reflect.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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The art is very realistic--like a photograph, and it tells a good story itself. Your poem is well worded and sensitively toned toward the old woman. It also tells of a struggling life the woman appeared to reflect.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Donna.
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with excellent philosophical insight. This has a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. Bravo.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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This is very well written with excellent philosophical insight. This has a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. Bravo.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you lucas.
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You're welcome, Boz. Charlie
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Boz Roz ....
Once again, in this writing of yours, the rhyming is good but I believe it would be so much better if you had a good, regular metre to provide smooth, easy-flowing lines for your readers.
Your explanation of what inspired you to write this is most interesting and I thank you for sharing this work and your Notes with us.
Love from ..... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Hullo Boz Roz ....
Once again, in this writing of yours, the rhyming is good but I believe it would be so much better if you had a good, regular metre to provide smooth, easy-flowing lines for your readers.
Your explanation of what inspired you to write this is most interesting and I thank you for sharing this work and your Notes with us.
Love from ..... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Mary.
Comment from Cedar
Well my friend, since you are in the mood for paying nearly twice the normal amount for a review, I will gladly oblige. First of all, after looking at the picture, I'm not sure if it's a woman or a man. Anyway, the desert sun has a way of aging people to the point that they look like they're a lot older than they really are. Your words tell us a story of a very sad and lonely existence, but then again, she may have a better life spiritually and emotionally than we do. As far as any suggestions, the line meter is off in several lines. O.K., I'm ready for the next one. Keep writing and promoting and I'll do my part.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Well my friend, since you are in the mood for paying nearly twice the normal amount for a review, I will gladly oblige. First of all, after looking at the picture, I'm not sure if it's a woman or a man. Anyway, the desert sun has a way of aging people to the point that they look like they're a lot older than they really are. Your words tell us a story of a very sad and lonely existence, but then again, she may have a better life spiritually and emotionally than we do. As far as any suggestions, the line meter is off in several lines. O.K., I'm ready for the next one. Keep writing and promoting and I'll do my part.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Cedar.
Comment from gazzagodbod
wow what a harrowing story that poor woman can feel her desolation thank you for sharing my friend powerful work gazzagodbod
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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wow what a harrowing story that poor woman can feel her desolation thank you for sharing my friend powerful work gazzagodbod
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Gazza.
Comment from Amicus
This is an interesting albeit confusing poem...the metaphors are mixed and though they sound good to the ear make little literal sense...how is it that an old decrepit woman has a baby...that a raisin loses its breath...this stuff seems like overreach to me. The woman in the illustration has a strong and interesting face and to me, given her dress and the way she holds her body, seems not at all beaten down and victimized or at the end of her life. It seems that the old decrepit woman who is supposed to be what the poem is about gets lost by becoming secondary to the narrator's need to display a social conscience. The flow of words and the richness of allusion is good here but the overall poem needs adjustment. I would love to be shown something that conveys true empathy for the state of a dying woman who has been victimized but I am offered only somewhat patronizing statements of the narrator's sympathy.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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This is an interesting albeit confusing poem...the metaphors are mixed and though they sound good to the ear make little literal sense...how is it that an old decrepit woman has a baby...that a raisin loses its breath...this stuff seems like overreach to me. The woman in the illustration has a strong and interesting face and to me, given her dress and the way she holds her body, seems not at all beaten down and victimized or at the end of her life. It seems that the old decrepit woman who is supposed to be what the poem is about gets lost by becoming secondary to the narrator's need to display a social conscience. The flow of words and the richness of allusion is good here but the overall poem needs adjustment. I would love to be shown something that conveys true empathy for the state of a dying woman who has been victimized but I am offered only somewhat patronizing statements of the narrator's sympathy.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you. Thanks for pointing out the baby part.