All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Sticky-notes"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
146 total reviews
Comment from Rondeno
Sharyn, this is mighty. I simply adore "paint and bricks / faintest tricks"! You handle your poetic form with authority and assurance. It's terrific!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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Sharyn, this is mighty. I simply adore "paint and bricks / faintest tricks"! You handle your poetic form with authority and assurance. It's terrific!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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oh I could hug you Michael! thank you so much for your high compliment and lovely six dear! :)S
Comment from Black_Oxygen
Well Done ~ Sharyn
The emotions of this poetry jump off of the page. It
speaks for memories, and frustration, with hints of
loneliness and apprehension. I like the way that the
words are arranged on the page. Thank You for your
creation.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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Well Done ~ Sharyn
The emotions of this poetry jump off of the page. It
speaks for memories, and frustration, with hints of
loneliness and apprehension. I like the way that the
words are arranged on the page. Thank You for your
creation.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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Bless you Ron - thank you so much! :)S
Comment from MizKat
Sharyn -
This is a great love poem for the contest. I'm sure it will go over very big. I see it's already on the front page. Bravo, my friend.
Kat
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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Sharyn -
This is a great love poem for the contest. I'm sure it will go over very big. I see it's already on the front page. Bravo, my friend.
Kat
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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thx so much Kat - didn't want to write something mushy! :))S
Comment from kiwijenny
This is sweet and sad. I love the imagery and as sticky-notes confetti to the floor. Is a beautiful image. I love the description of home and a mothers love. This is a well written poem. Thanks and God bless
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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This is sweet and sad. I love the imagery and as sticky-notes confetti to the floor. Is a beautiful image. I love the description of home and a mothers love. This is a well written poem. Thanks and God bless
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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Thx so much kiwij! :)
Comment from Opal H.
Heartbreak can really snatch the love out of a person, can't it? Great poem! But I think the editor had messed with the last part of your poem. It's gone haywire and I can't read it. Better check that.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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Heartbreak can really snatch the love out of a person, can't it? Great poem! But I think the editor had messed with the last part of your poem. It's gone haywire and I can't read it. Better check that.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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no dear - it's MEANT to be like that - you read one word at a time, paralleling the notes fluttering to the floor, right??? :))S
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Yeah, but some of the words have literally gone off the screen and I can't see them at all. And some of them are sticking halfway out of the screen,,, now, I should still be able to see those fluttering words right?
Comment from GregoryCody
This brought me to being teary eyed. Really. It made me feel what you've described. It is your heart. It is the most, the most bearing piece I have Ever read. Seriously. Its beautiful. The poem itself is perfect in flow and tremendous with the imagery (birds especially to me) but the message is what speaks so loudly. You have done an Outstanding job describing it. It hurts my heart. You better share...wish I had a six
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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This brought me to being teary eyed. Really. It made me feel what you've described. It is your heart. It is the most, the most bearing piece I have Ever read. Seriously. Its beautiful. The poem itself is perfect in flow and tremendous with the imagery (birds especially to me) but the message is what speaks so loudly. You have done an Outstanding job describing it. It hurts my heart. You better share...wish I had a six
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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oh good!! I'm so glad you vibe with this one Greg - I was hoping you would. I've been playing around with it all week!
Bless you!
Sharyn
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Absolutely. The biggest thing with a poem is if it actually induces an emotion to come out. Like in feeling something because of it. That is rare but I think it is the true goal of a poem personally. You definitely did it with this one.
Comment from Kiki12
What a terrible time not to be allowed to give you a 6. This verse is exceptional in so many ways. The flow and internal rhyme give this a beautifully fun cadence. I love the transition from the home she loves to the silent, unmoved, empty reminder of her broken heart and lost love. And- it sounds like I share the same filing system with the departed.
love these phrases:
Nothing precarious. All precise, present and correct
those pillows stay unruffled, unwrinkled, and music
echoes empty, as sticky-notes confetti to the floor
in silent
slow
motion
these are so full of imagery and emotion- just a tremendous verse. One of my favorites. I'll have to give you a virtual 6 ...
xo
Kiki
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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What a terrible time not to be allowed to give you a 6. This verse is exceptional in so many ways. The flow and internal rhyme give this a beautifully fun cadence. I love the transition from the home she loves to the silent, unmoved, empty reminder of her broken heart and lost love. And- it sounds like I share the same filing system with the departed.
love these phrases:
Nothing precarious. All precise, present and correct
those pillows stay unruffled, unwrinkled, and music
echoes empty, as sticky-notes confetti to the floor
in silent
slow
motion
these are so full of imagery and emotion- just a tremendous verse. One of my favorites. I'll have to give you a virtual 6 ...
xo
Kiki
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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hey, a virtual from you, I'll TAKE Kiki! Thank you so much! :)
Comment from poesyapprentice
Oh girl, are you missing your man. He is still away? Are you angry or just lonely? Love the sticky note colored flutter of form at the end. You did look, though, you know, cuz your muse said so. Question, why the " on one stanza only? Am I missing something? Your flow was lovely, as always, dearie. Looks like both of us posted dreary today. I hope you feel better soon. I did enjoy that beautiful imagery you included of your home, btw, although I'm not sure it fits, except to add some plus to the minuses in the rest. Hugs!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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Oh girl, are you missing your man. He is still away? Are you angry or just lonely? Love the sticky note colored flutter of form at the end. You did look, though, you know, cuz your muse said so. Question, why the " on one stanza only? Am I missing something? Your flow was lovely, as always, dearie. Looks like both of us posted dreary today. I hope you feel better soon. I did enjoy that beautiful imagery you included of your home, btw, although I'm not sure it fits, except to add some plus to the minuses in the rest. Hugs!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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no, I'm fine poesy - Jeff's still in L.A. looking for the meaning of life. Kai goes over in a week and then I'll be TOTALLY alone for a month - that will be weird, after 2 months already with Jeff! It's a very interesting time at the moment - I'm actually rather enjoying it, to be quite honest - though it does give me a chance to take stock of myself and my relationship. It's 'that' time of life, you know. And the quotation marks were deliberate, because 'she' was answering the question directly in that verse, then the Storyteller was picking up the story. I clarified by adding a couple of words there - and I wanted a bit of purple prose to balance the rest of it, so there's uplift and Debbie-downer, so to speak. (Debbie-downer by herself is just plain BORING. So you posted dreary??? well shame! I'll go take a peek! :)S
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I just read what I posted and wished I hadn't. The line restriction really screwed with me. I read something else and then went back to it and wondered wtf?? I lost the flow if there was every any there in the first place. If your opinion doesn't differ than mine then I'm pulling the piece, jeepers! And I am blaming my pain meds, lol!
I thought he was in LA because of the death of his mother and I didn't know he had been gone for two months, wow! I like your purple prose, btw, but I'll recheck about the quote marks cuz it all sounded like you ; )
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After the so-so reviews I decided to start over completely. Your input would be valued if you are so inclined, sugar, and have the time. Muah!
Comment from chasennov
'Stick-Notes.' I detect a very direct impatience towards romance. It sounds very hurtful and empty-hearted. Love can be blissful, but also very destructible.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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'Stick-Notes.' I detect a very direct impatience towards romance. It sounds very hurtful and empty-hearted. Love can be blissful, but also very destructible.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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Love can indeed be all of those things, Chas. :)S
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You're always welcome, S.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh Sharyn, this is really deep, and so very intense/heartfelt. One word, and only one, bothered me. That's the addition of "Nothing" after "geometric perfection" - somehow it just didn't fit (for me), and I read it aloud too, for the second read. The alliteration in the line before it just fits perfectly with the follow-up line - "Papers filed..." That's just my opinion, though.
I wish you only the best of luck with this amazing poem. Really well done. Some e.g.'s - "silly skyscrapers of congealing dishes..." - "...with fierceness death can never challenge.." - "in geometric perfection..." - "as sticky notes confetti to the floor..." <<(I just LOVE the presentation too! Fabulous imagery!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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Oh Sharyn, this is really deep, and so very intense/heartfelt. One word, and only one, bothered me. That's the addition of "Nothing" after "geometric perfection" - somehow it just didn't fit (for me), and I read it aloud too, for the second read. The alliteration in the line before it just fits perfectly with the follow-up line - "Papers filed..." That's just my opinion, though.
I wish you only the best of luck with this amazing poem. Really well done. Some e.g.'s - "silly skyscrapers of congealing dishes..." - "...with fierceness death can never challenge.." - "in geometric perfection..." - "as sticky notes confetti to the floor..." <<(I just LOVE the presentation too! Fabulous imagery!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2013
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thx Dawn - I agree on the "Nothing" - I stuck it in at the last minute because I like doing things in threes (is that OCD or WHAT!) I took it out - thx for the eagle eye and sure ear! :)S