Old Decrepit Woman Revised.
Written about a painting I saw.177 total reviews
Comment from Betty517
Old decrepit woman, your soul cries goodbye.
Old decrepit woman, it is always the innocent ones who must die.
This poem makes me feel really sad because we all are headed for death but the ones who stay behind are the ones who feel the pain. This poem is very well done. Betty
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Old decrepit woman, your soul cries goodbye.
Old decrepit woman, it is always the innocent ones who must die.
This poem makes me feel really sad because we all are headed for death but the ones who stay behind are the ones who feel the pain. This poem is very well done. Betty
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Betty.
Comment from misscookie
I'm sorry I don't have more stars you truly would receive it.
My what a deep and emotional poem
Just looking in the old lady's eyes she knows that soon she will die.
This is great but sad write.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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I'm sorry I don't have more stars you truly would receive it.
My what a deep and emotional poem
Just looking in the old lady's eyes she knows that soon she will die.
This is great but sad write.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you cookie.
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Your very welcome.
Comment from dogontherocks
If you are going to use artwork for an Ekphrasic poem, shouldn't you use the original artwork. Otherwise you confuse the reader. Should my prayers be her prayers in the firs line? I like your repetition of t, b, and d because when read out loud it adds depth. I think though you would have a stronger story if you juxtaposed her youth, dreams and former beauty against her current state of decay.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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If you are going to use artwork for an Ekphrasic poem, shouldn't you use the original artwork. Otherwise you confuse the reader. Should my prayers be her prayers in the firs line? I like your repetition of t, b, and d because when read out loud it adds depth. I think though you would have a stronger story if you juxtaposed her youth, dreams and former beauty against her current state of decay.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thanks for the advice dog.
Comment from Spitfire
You have some excellent imagery: weltering, ravished and ripped apart. I don't understand stanza one--the reference to holding a baby. She's too old for that! Good simile in stanza 2, line 2. Great verbs to carry out the theme of death: decrepit, putrid, decaying.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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You have some excellent imagery: weltering, ravished and ripped apart. I don't understand stanza one--the reference to holding a baby. She's too old for that! Good simile in stanza 2, line 2. Great verbs to carry out the theme of death: decrepit, putrid, decaying.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you spitfire.
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for the additional context in your notes and the spelling of Ekphrastic--I've written several but was never sure. I admired your vivid description of the "women" and repeats for emphasis. I particularly liked the "raisin" simile. -Joan
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you for the additional context in your notes and the spelling of Ekphrastic--I've written several but was never sure. I admired your vivid description of the "women" and repeats for emphasis. I particularly liked the "raisin" simile. -Joan
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Joan.
Comment from R. J. Stewart
I don't exactly understand the message you're trying to convey with this poem, but I think I get the jest of it. Something about everyone's fate to die... Anyway, there is some good imaginary in this piece.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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I don't exactly understand the message you're trying to convey with this poem, but I think I get the jest of it. Something about everyone's fate to die... Anyway, there is some good imaginary in this piece.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Stewart.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Boz Roz I can see you are well versed and have excellent use of the English language
Good reflection from just a painting of an elderly woman that looks like she is going to soon die.
thank you for sharing your talent.
Gert
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Hello Boz Roz I can see you are well versed and have excellent use of the English language
Good reflection from just a painting of an elderly woman that looks like she is going to soon die.
thank you for sharing your talent.
Gert
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Gert.
Comment from dportwood
Boz Roz,
Quatrain structure of the poem makes for an easy read.
For the most part rhyming is well done.
The concluding doublet provides a summation of the preceding stanzas.
Repetition of 'Old decrepit woman' 8 times in a 14 line poem tends to feel monotonous.
Respectfully,
Duane
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Boz Roz,
Quatrain structure of the poem makes for an easy read.
For the most part rhyming is well done.
The concluding doublet provides a summation of the preceding stanzas.
Repetition of 'Old decrepit woman' 8 times in a 14 line poem tends to feel monotonous.
Respectfully,
Duane
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Duane.
Comment from liz10240
Very descriptive and extremely well written.
It's interesting how a painting can come across very different to people. "Decrepit" to me means "fragile" and I don't see her that way. I think she looks like a survivor, weathered from huge life challenges but still remaining stoic. She looks like she has suffered loss, perhaps family or even her children. Her expression reveals an inner strength.
Your descriptive phrases are outstanding, ie"like a raisin losing it's breath"- masterfully creative.
I'm glad I had the pleasure to review this wonderful piece of writing.:)
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Very descriptive and extremely well written.
It's interesting how a painting can come across very different to people. "Decrepit" to me means "fragile" and I don't see her that way. I think she looks like a survivor, weathered from huge life challenges but still remaining stoic. She looks like she has suffered loss, perhaps family or even her children. Her expression reveals an inner strength.
Your descriptive phrases are outstanding, ie"like a raisin losing it's breath"- masterfully creative.
I'm glad I had the pleasure to review this wonderful piece of writing.:)
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Liz.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Your poem certainly paints a strong picture and it is no surprise to learn it describes an actual painting.
There are a couple of phrases I am doubtful about...
At the beginning you seem to be saying that she is 'the woes...' - the singular and plural don't match (for me)
Aldo, if she is so old and decrepit, would she have a baby?
One last query about the word 'weltering' - did you mean 'sweltering' perhaps?
It still remains a powerful depiction, reiforced by the frequent repetition of the title words.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Your poem certainly paints a strong picture and it is no surprise to learn it describes an actual painting.
There are a couple of phrases I am doubtful about...
At the beginning you seem to be saying that she is 'the woes...' - the singular and plural don't match (for me)
Aldo, if she is so old and decrepit, would she have a baby?
One last query about the word 'weltering' - did you mean 'sweltering' perhaps?
It still remains a powerful depiction, reiforced by the frequent repetition of the title words.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Kiwi.