Old Decrepit Woman Revised.
Written about a painting I saw.177 total reviews
Comment from gsuarez
Very powerful and sad. Each line is very thought provoking. The idea of repeating," Old Decrepit Woman " just drives the sentiment. Enjoyed the read very much.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Very powerful and sad. Each line is very thought provoking. The idea of repeating," Old Decrepit Woman " just drives the sentiment. Enjoyed the read very much.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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thank you.
Comment from J. P. Egry
This is a very strong poem, enhanced partly by the repetition of "Old decrepit woman" throughout the piece. You have used vivid language to portray your images, causing the reader to feel the heat, see the setting,and smell the putrid odors. My favorite line: like a raisin losing its breath;---very original. The only part I wondered about is that if she is a decrepit old woman, how can she have a bruised and beaten baby/ She is too old to have a baby. If it is someone else's baby, clarify that.
The last line is a powerful and conclusive ending.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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This is a very strong poem, enhanced partly by the repetition of "Old decrepit woman" throughout the piece. You have used vivid language to portray your images, causing the reader to feel the heat, see the setting,and smell the putrid odors. My favorite line: like a raisin losing its breath;---very original. The only part I wondered about is that if she is a decrepit old woman, how can she have a bruised and beaten baby/ She is too old to have a baby. If it is someone else's baby, clarify that.
The last line is a powerful and conclusive ending.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you JP.
Comment from InterestingRon
A beautifully crafted poem with a haunting refrain.
When I look at pictures like this illustration with your poetry I often wonder what these decrepit old people looked like when they were young and in their prime.
Thanks for sharing.
Ron
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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A beautifully crafted poem with a haunting refrain.
When I look at pictures like this illustration with your poetry I often wonder what these decrepit old people looked like when they were young and in their prime.
Thanks for sharing.
Ron
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Ron. I don't know dude that's something I thought about two for all we know she could have been a fashion model when she was in her 20's.
Comment from Mara del Mar
This woman marked a to deep imprint in your mind. Is terrible to see a old decrepit for cause of the misery primarily. A poem is very cute, although the content is sad. Congrats.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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This woman marked a to deep imprint in your mind. Is terrible to see a old decrepit for cause of the misery primarily. A poem is very cute, although the content is sad. Congrats.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Mara.
Comment from Charlene0513
To Boz Roz,
A very humbling and solemn poem of an elderly lady seeing the image of herself in her last days on earth.
You have used good use of illiteration and the odd simile like: "Like a raisin losing its breath."
Charlene
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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To Boz Roz,
A very humbling and solemn poem of an elderly lady seeing the image of herself in her last days on earth.
You have used good use of illiteration and the odd simile like: "Like a raisin losing its breath."
Charlene
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you merm.
Comment from Scarlettdreams
No one should have to live a life such as this. I think you capture the feeling from the painting well here with your well chosen words. Bravo
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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No one should have to live a life such as this. I think you capture the feeling from the painting well here with your well chosen words. Bravo
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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thank you Scarlett.
Comment from pugrpoems
You have written this is great detail, and with a form I am not familiar with. There seems to be some oxymorons and play on words in this piece. It starts awesome in stanza one. Butt it loses me in stanza two. Who is "they" refering to in stanza three? I like the ending. It works well with the piece. I do not like the phrase "putrid Poseidon." I think that , "here comes the Reaper" is better. The words, "old decrepid woman" appears 9 times. It seems like a overkill. It is that part of the form. Well, I have to say that that your presentation is excellent with the dark background, the picture, and the poem. Well Done! pugrpoems
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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You have written this is great detail, and with a form I am not familiar with. There seems to be some oxymorons and play on words in this piece. It starts awesome in stanza one. Butt it loses me in stanza two. Who is "they" refering to in stanza three? I like the ending. It works well with the piece. I do not like the phrase "putrid Poseidon." I think that , "here comes the Reaper" is better. The words, "old decrepid woman" appears 9 times. It seems like a overkill. It is that part of the form. Well, I have to say that that your presentation is excellent with the dark background, the picture, and the poem. Well Done! pugrpoems
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you. The other people in the village I guess. Thank you for your question Pug.
Comment from volunteer angel
Looking at that picture, I can see how the poem came about. She looks very old and possibly close to death. But one who lives in the sun a lot, would also give that impression. Great imagery! V.A.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Looking at that picture, I can see how the poem came about. She looks very old and possibly close to death. But one who lives in the sun a lot, would also give that impression. Great imagery! V.A.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you VA.
Comment from Tawnyowl
I like the recurring 'old decrepit woman' even though I wonder if some may titter at such an appellation. This is a serious poem however and this woman is suffering. You have delineated this well and the poem shows a good grasp of natural poetic flow. Well done!
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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I like the recurring 'old decrepit woman' even though I wonder if some may titter at such an appellation. This is a serious poem however and this woman is suffering. You have delineated this well and the poem shows a good grasp of natural poetic flow. Well done!
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you. Yeah alot of people titter at such a thought Tawny believe me they do.
Comment from Piggies Grandma
I enjoyed reading your poem very much Boz Roz. It is cleverly written and very well thought out. You painted a very clear picture with your words. The picture fits your words well too.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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I enjoyed reading your poem very much Boz Roz. It is cleverly written and very well thought out. You painted a very clear picture with your words. The picture fits your words well too.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2011
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Thank you Piggies.