Zerubbabel Baxter
rhyming quatrains in 6/5/6/5148 total reviews
Comment from Cajungirl
Fantastic picture of the two handsome little chaps. The story in a poem is simply fabulous, Brooke. The adventure, lack of adventure, of Tee and Zee was a fun read. best of luck.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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Fantastic picture of the two handsome little chaps. The story in a poem is simply fabulous, Brooke. The adventure, lack of adventure, of Tee and Zee was a fun read. best of luck.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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Cajungirl, thank you so much for your generous and thoughtful response to this story poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Yay! What a great way to teach that stubbornness is not a good thing.
"Too bad," said Tobias,
(whose friends called him Tee).
I don't think you want that comma after TOBIAS, since you chose to use parentheses. I would think you'd choose one or the other, not both.
"Too bad," said Tobias
(whose friends called him Tee).
OR
"Too bad," said Tobias,
whose friends called him Tee.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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Yay! What a great way to teach that stubbornness is not a good thing.
"Too bad," said Tobias,
(whose friends called him Tee).
I don't think you want that comma after TOBIAS, since you chose to use parentheses. I would think you'd choose one or the other, not both.
"Too bad," said Tobias
(whose friends called him Tee).
OR
"Too bad," said Tobias,
whose friends called him Tee.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much, Phyllis. I'll take a look at that line :-) Brooke
Comment from CR Delport
What a lovely story that is captured in this well written poem. I think you chose the characters, the Cute Little One and his friend, perfectly :) Good luck in the contest. The others don't stand a chance.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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What a lovely story that is captured in this well written poem. I think you chose the characters, the Cute Little One and his friend, perfectly :) Good luck in the contest. The others don't stand a chance.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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CR, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from rama devi
Outstanding children's story with a clear moral delivered in charming and whimsical storytelling style, dear B. Great rhyme and rhythm, which suits the tone and tenor of your theme. Good use of repetition. Fine phonetics with intermittent poetic devices like alliteration, assonance and consonance...all of which I know you know I noticed, so I will not list them.
Favorite lines:
soon stars turned to sunlight,
then sunlight to moon.
They never moved eastward
and never moved west,
for each remained stubborn
and thought he knew best.
This should do well in the contest, I think! Good luck
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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Outstanding children's story with a clear moral delivered in charming and whimsical storytelling style, dear B. Great rhyme and rhythm, which suits the tone and tenor of your theme. Good use of repetition. Fine phonetics with intermittent poetic devices like alliteration, assonance and consonance...all of which I know you know I noticed, so I will not list them.
Favorite lines:
soon stars turned to sunlight,
then sunlight to moon.
They never moved eastward
and never moved west,
for each remained stubborn
and thought he knew best.
This should do well in the contest, I think! Good luck
Love,
rd
Comment Written 06-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much, rama devi - I appreciate your review and your kind contest wishes :-) Brooke
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:-))))
Comment from Ben Colder
Another cut write, Brooke. I see our boy has taken on a new ship mate. No doubt the argument of which sea to travel will continue. Best to you.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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Another cut write, Brooke. I see our boy has taken on a new ship mate. No doubt the argument of which sea to travel will continue. Best to you.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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Ben, thanks so much :-) Yep, Aaron is his best guy buddy, who comes over sometimes for a play date :-) Brooke
Comment from rjuselius
this is an absolutely superb entry to the "share a story in a poem" contest! poor stubborn zee and tee:) the ocean takes its own.
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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this is an absolutely superb entry to the "share a story in a poem" contest! poor stubborn zee and tee:) the ocean takes its own.
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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Rebekka, thank you so much for your thoughtful and generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from janalma
This is truly delightful and I loved reading of those two stubborn old friends. Cute, teaching poem.
Amazingly (to me) I think I might have a suggestion for a word change. "soon stars turned to sunlight," I wonder if it wouldn't be better if you used 'as' instead of 'soon?'
I even hesitate to suggest this as you are a poet and I'm not--I only think this because you had already said they argued from morning till noon and 'as' makes it sound more like an ongoing thing. Disregard if you think I'm full of it. Lol.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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This is truly delightful and I loved reading of those two stubborn old friends. Cute, teaching poem.
Amazingly (to me) I think I might have a suggestion for a word change. "soon stars turned to sunlight," I wonder if it wouldn't be better if you used 'as' instead of 'soon?'
I even hesitate to suggest this as you are a poet and I'm not--I only think this because you had already said they argued from morning till noon and 'as' makes it sound more like an ongoing thing. Disregard if you think I'm full of it. Lol.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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thanks so much for your feedback, Janalma - I will reread that stanza :-) Brooke
Comment from Amsterdam
Great story...
A living work, if you will.
A great story...
Will ever time stand still...
A great story.
Brooke, ....another coin, in the well.
am
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Great story...
A living work, if you will.
A great story...
Will ever time stand still...
A great story.
Brooke, ....another coin, in the well.
am
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much, Am, for your generous sixth star and encouraging comments :-) Brooke
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
An excellent bumpty-bump poem with a lively beat and great rhymes. A happy poem. I am sure that the School children loved it. You have a knack.
I didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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An excellent bumpty-bump poem with a lively beat and great rhymes. A happy poem. I am sure that the School children loved it. You have a knack.
I didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you, Giovanni, for your thoughtful response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from lancellot
The wisdom of this can be applied to many political and social groups in our world. Sometimes we spend so much energy arguing to get our way, we end up not going anywhere. Well said.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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The wisdom of this can be applied to many political and social groups in our world. Sometimes we spend so much energy arguing to get our way, we end up not going anywhere. Well said.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much, lancellot - I could not agree more :-) Brooke