Peach Of The Beach
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Peach Of The Beach (four)"Female lifeguard.
3 total reviews
Comment from equestrik
I like the development of your story here and what a cute name for the little puppy character. Many times as a single mom I got stranded by an overheating car, These three handled it well but not without well written undertones of what was going through the mom's thoughts.
  |
I like the development of your story here and what a cute name for the little puppy character. Many times as a single mom I got stranded by an overheating car, These three handled it well but not without well written undertones of what was going through the mom's thoughts.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2020
Comment from trimple
Hello thre, Ronnie
This is a lovely snippet of somebody looking back at life when back as a youngster.
We all got a fizzing spray of the
syrupy mist when Mom popped
her soda open.--Eek!
I peered down the road.
My eyes followed it until it got
as thin as Mom's sewing thread,
and disappeared over the horizon.-- nice
"This road isn't traveled a heck of a lot,"
I said dryly[, [looking around?]...hoping to see any sign of anybody.
Doggy Bag lay watching a doe and her fawn,
that he noticed that had been watching us.-- that he'd noticed was watching us?
"Now there's a mother and daughter
[team?--not sure this is nesesary or the correct term for a mother and daughter, Ronnie. [that--who] certainly don't mind being out here."
She said in a tinkle.
Nice little read and I love the name of that dog :)
Sounds like he fared better than his human companions in the heat.
kind regards
tracey
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
|
Hello thre, Ronnie
This is a lovely snippet of somebody looking back at life when back as a youngster.
We all got a fizzing spray of the
syrupy mist when Mom popped
her soda open.--Eek!
I peered down the road.
My eyes followed it until it got
as thin as Mom's sewing thread,
and disappeared over the horizon.-- nice
"This road isn't traveled a heck of a lot,"
I said dryly[, [looking around?]...hoping to see any sign of anybody.
Doggy Bag lay watching a doe and her fawn,
that he noticed that had been watching us.-- that he'd noticed was watching us?
"Now there's a mother and daughter
[team?--not sure this is nesesary or the correct term for a mother and daughter, Ronnie. [that--who] certainly don't mind being out here."
She said in a tinkle.
Nice little read and I love the name of that dog :)
Sounds like he fared better than his human companions in the heat.
kind regards
tracey
Comment Written 10-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
-
HELLO TRIMPLE: I thank you for your helpful review. You are appreciated. Yes...I have editing to do. Thank you, Trimple. God bless you. cordially: rhonnie69.
-
most welcome
Comment from Cindy Decker
Rhonnie,
You write such beautiful prose. You were so descriptive I could feel the sweltering air envelop me. I can't wait for your next installment .
Excellent prose.
Good luck in the contest.
Cindy
|
Rhonnie,
You write such beautiful prose. You were so descriptive I could feel the sweltering air envelop me. I can't wait for your next installment .
Excellent prose.
Good luck in the contest.
Cindy
Comment Written 10-Oct-2020