Chip's Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Four Seconds"FanStory Collection
42 total reviews
Comment from Vanna1
What a different take on the subject. Interesting and thought provoking. Great presentation, that pic is really cool. I guess gravity became an enemy. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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What a different take on the subject. Interesting and thought provoking. Great presentation, that pic is really cool. I guess gravity became an enemy. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Vanna!
Comment from Ben B.
This is sad. Your narrator jumped, didn't they? No one should see gravity as a friend in this situation. Suicide is a terrible tragedy. You know you're in trouble when death sounds welcoming.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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This is sad. Your narrator jumped, didn't they? No one should see gravity as a friend in this situation. Suicide is a terrible tragedy. You know you're in trouble when death sounds welcoming.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Agreed. Thx, Ben.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 6 word Poetry contest.
This short piece has a strong message.
Well done and good luck to you with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the 6 word Poetry contest.
This short piece has a strong message.
Well done and good luck to you with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 28-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Sharon.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Your words here are one of those combinations we'd like to say was a 'wonderful poem' but the depth of the pain that can actually be found in them prevents the self from typing them in full... Great feeling and leading of the reader whether they've been there or not, but also a rueful smile because of the truth of the science... Two thumbs up for the overall presentation, Chip -- thanx for sharing and best of luck! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Your words here are one of those combinations we'd like to say was a 'wonderful poem' but the depth of the pain that can actually be found in them prevents the self from typing them in full... Great feeling and leading of the reader whether they've been there or not, but also a rueful smile because of the truth of the science... Two thumbs up for the overall presentation, Chip -- thanx for sharing and best of luck! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 28-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Many thanks, Yvette! (sorry for the late response, I haven't been around here often as of late)
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No biggee -- hope life's treatin' ya well, sir! ;)
Comment from Sally Law
Although dark, dear horror writer, it carries a strong message in only six words. Looks like you have a winner here.
Sending you my best today as always, and blessings for your day,
Sal xo
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Although dark, dear horror writer, it carries a strong message in only six words. Looks like you have a winner here.
Sending you my best today as always, and blessings for your day,
Sal xo
Comment Written 28-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Sally!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is kind of a wry observation with an end rhyme of friend/end. It also points out that natural laws don't have any thought, since they are 'unwitting.' I think you did a good job on this six-word poetry contest entry. And thanks for the author notes.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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This is kind of a wry observation with an end rhyme of friend/end. It also points out that natural laws don't have any thought, since they are 'unwitting.' I think you did a good job on this six-word poetry contest entry. And thanks for the author notes.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Thanks, CC!
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I really enjoyed this poem. It flows well and it rhymes. I didn't know that it takes four seconds for a person to jump from the Golden Gate Bridge to reach the water. It seems long but the bridge must be high.
Well done.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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I really enjoyed this poem. It flows well and it rhymes. I didn't know that it takes four seconds for a person to jump from the Golden Gate Bridge to reach the water. It seems long but the bridge must be high.
Well done.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Lisa!
Comment from kiwisteveh
I wonder how many readers would have got it without your note??
Given that, you pack a lot of meaning into the scant six words. I like the description of gravity as the unwitting friend of the suicide,
A slightly grim theme, but well done.
Steve
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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I wonder how many readers would have got it without your note??
Given that, you pack a lot of meaning into the scant six words. I like the description of gravity as the unwitting friend of the suicide,
A slightly grim theme, but well done.
Steve
Comment Written 27-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Thanks, Steve.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Chip, this is one of those poems that tears you apart.
Knowing that some desperate soul has chosen to end their life, is a dash of brutal reality, that you have captured in this poem.
In Six short words.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Dear Chip, this is one of those poems that tears you apart.
Knowing that some desperate soul has chosen to end their life, is a dash of brutal reality, that you have captured in this poem.
In Six short words.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Many thanks, Suzanna.
Comment from mermaids
You have a smooth flow of rhyming words. Your six word poem creates a clear scene and feelings come forth. Gravity does make jumping off a bridge a quick fall to the water. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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You have a smooth flow of rhyming words. Your six word poem creates a clear scene and feelings come forth. Gravity does make jumping off a bridge a quick fall to the water. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much.