Renga Multi-Author Book
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Home At Last"Renga is a Japanese linked poetry 5/7/5 and 7/7
12 total reviews
Comment from RGstar
I don't usually give a six to this kind of category unless I feel it has that kick, that soul, the essence and connectivity, as well the imagery....I love the last line, and he above connect well. You did a good job here with this Haiku. My best...six well deserved.
Best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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I don't usually give a six to this kind of category unless I feel it has that kick, that soul, the essence and connectivity, as well the imagery....I love the last line, and he above connect well. You did a good job here with this Haiku. My best...six well deserved.
Best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 25-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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Thank you so much for sharing your insightful thoughts and for the generous rating!
Comment from Janice Canerdy
You have made excellent use of your seventeen syllables in this lovely haiku. You have addressed key elements we naturally seek in life: direction, the light, safety, and physical sustenance.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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You have made excellent use of your seventeen syllables in this lovely haiku. You have addressed key elements we naturally seek in life: direction, the light, safety, and physical sustenance.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Joan E.
I enjoyed your 5-7-5 haiku addition to Gypsy Blue Rose's Renga book. Your linking it to the previous poem and adding the perfect artwork were very effective. I could almost smell the "chowder" among the ocean breezes! Smiles- Joan
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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I enjoyed your 5-7-5 haiku addition to Gypsy Blue Rose's Renga book. Your linking it to the previous poem and adding the perfect artwork were very effective. I could almost smell the "chowder" among the ocean breezes! Smiles- Joan
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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So glad you enjoyed this piece. Thank you for dropping by!
Comment from dragonpoet
This poem gives a strong image of a boat being led to shore and also includes how the wife welcomes her sailor back. It shows the love in the relationship.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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This poem gives a strong image of a boat being led to shore and also includes how the wife welcomes her sailor back. It shows the love in the relationship.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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So glad you enjoyed this. Thank you for dropping by! Always nice to hear from you.
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No problem, June
Joan
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Home At Last
by June Sargent
Hello, June,
Thank you very much for adding another beautiful chapter to our renga book. Great job with the juxtaposition to a new theme. Good syllable count and connection between lines for a n excellent flow. Nice presentation.
You did a great job with the author notes but would you change them to the following. I've been changing them a bit here and there to try to give information but not overwhelme people and scare them away. Let me know what you think.
Thank you!
.........................please, copy and paste these notes to your author notes.........................
*If you need help posting a chapter, please contact Gypsy Blue Rose*
Renga is a Japanese collaborative poetry form in which poets write alternating verses of 5-7-5 stanzas and 7-7 couplets wich are linked in succession by multiple poets until we reach 184 verses.
From the renga book chapter your in, click on the ADD CHAPTER icon.
If the last poem is a 5/7/5 haiku, write a 7/7 couplet, if the last poem is a 7/7 couplet write a 5/7/5 haiku. Write about the same theme but don't repeating words.
You post your poem as usual but it will be part of the book. you can edit it and add a picture if you like. A copy will go to your portfolio and you keep your reviews.
*If you need help, please contact Gypsy Blue Rose*
.........................................................................end of copy and paste ................................................
Renga so far...
Chapter one by Gypsy Blue Rose
pigeon plum flowers
bend but not break in the storm
at Indian Key
================================
Chapter two by June Sargent
storm clouds flee as new day dawns
berries ripen and birds wait
================================
Chapter three by Pam (respa)
colorful songbirds
gather for spring's ripe berries
bountiful harvest
================================
Chapter four by Mrs KT
Winged frenzy ignites orchard;
Garnet gems pecked to their death
================================
Chapter five by Gloria
funeral procession
seed boats drift to a footbridge--
the orchard withdraws
================================
Chapter six by June Sargent
willow sways in summer breeze
while secret lovers giggle
================================
Chapter seven by Bill Schott
as lovers linger
red ocean brings back berries
the wine washes in
================================
Chapter eight by Lyenochka
sun sweetened grapes become wine
divining truth from love's lips
================================
Chapter nine by Ulla
love grows and ripens
while nature multiplies its
palette of colours.
================================
Chapter ten by Ameen
Autumn's tones enveloped me
in a warm rainbow landscape
================================
Chapter eleven by Margaret Bernar
Tender sacrifice
renders one fragile and strong -
Love's unique nature
================================
Chapter twelve by Zanya
Twilight tints evening skyline
Cooler breezes ripple shore
================================-
Chapter thirteen by June Sargent
wrapped in silken robes
of gold, autumn bids farewell -
first breath of winter
================================
Chapter fourteen by Dolly
Earth's freeze grips with snowy ice,
to calm, with peaceful silence.
================================
Chapter fifteen by Rama Devi
blanketed by snow
leaf-whispers enter deep sleep
hushed serenity
================================
Chapter sixteen by Gypsy Blue Rose
cold whirlwind whistles over
Mount Fuji's peaks and valleys
================================
Chapter seventeen by Royowen
Kaleidoscopic
dust gathers the frosted light,
panoramic gems.
================================
Chapter eighteen by Marjon Van Bruggen
winds from the south bring yellow
Sahara desert sand skies
================================
Chapter nineteen by June Sargent
prickly pear cactus
caressed by warm summer breeze
crimson heart opens
================================
Chapter twenty by Gypsy Blue Rose
south wind susurrous whispers
of tumbleweed rustling sounds
================================
Chapter twenty one by Gypsy Blue Rose
farmer prays for rain
for drought-stricken olive trees
resilient souls
================================
Chapter twenty two by DeboraDyess
Rainbow's sharp, dazzling colors
sitting atop sun-struck clouds
================================
Chapter twenty three by June. Sargent
lighthouse shines through fog
guiding boat 'round jagged rocks -
wives cook hot chowder
================================
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Home At Last
by June Sargent
Hello, June,
Thank you very much for adding another beautiful chapter to our renga book. Great job with the juxtaposition to a new theme. Good syllable count and connection between lines for a n excellent flow. Nice presentation.
You did a great job with the author notes but would you change them to the following. I've been changing them a bit here and there to try to give information but not overwhelme people and scare them away. Let me know what you think.
Thank you!
.........................please, copy and paste these notes to your author notes.........................
*If you need help posting a chapter, please contact Gypsy Blue Rose*
Renga is a Japanese collaborative poetry form in which poets write alternating verses of 5-7-5 stanzas and 7-7 couplets wich are linked in succession by multiple poets until we reach 184 verses.
From the renga book chapter your in, click on the ADD CHAPTER icon.
If the last poem is a 5/7/5 haiku, write a 7/7 couplet, if the last poem is a 7/7 couplet write a 5/7/5 haiku. Write about the same theme but don't repeating words.
You post your poem as usual but it will be part of the book. you can edit it and add a picture if you like. A copy will go to your portfolio and you keep your reviews.
*If you need help, please contact Gypsy Blue Rose*
.........................................................................end of copy and paste ................................................
Renga so far...
Chapter one by Gypsy Blue Rose
pigeon plum flowers
bend but not break in the storm
at Indian Key
================================
Chapter two by June Sargent
storm clouds flee as new day dawns
berries ripen and birds wait
================================
Chapter three by Pam (respa)
colorful songbirds
gather for spring's ripe berries
bountiful harvest
================================
Chapter four by Mrs KT
Winged frenzy ignites orchard;
Garnet gems pecked to their death
================================
Chapter five by Gloria
funeral procession
seed boats drift to a footbridge--
the orchard withdraws
================================
Chapter six by June Sargent
willow sways in summer breeze
while secret lovers giggle
================================
Chapter seven by Bill Schott
as lovers linger
red ocean brings back berries
the wine washes in
================================
Chapter eight by Lyenochka
sun sweetened grapes become wine
divining truth from love's lips
================================
Chapter nine by Ulla
love grows and ripens
while nature multiplies its
palette of colours.
================================
Chapter ten by Ameen
Autumn's tones enveloped me
in a warm rainbow landscape
================================
Chapter eleven by Margaret Bernar
Tender sacrifice
renders one fragile and strong -
Love's unique nature
================================
Chapter twelve by Zanya
Twilight tints evening skyline
Cooler breezes ripple shore
================================-
Chapter thirteen by June Sargent
wrapped in silken robes
of gold, autumn bids farewell -
first breath of winter
================================
Chapter fourteen by Dolly
Earth's freeze grips with snowy ice,
to calm, with peaceful silence.
================================
Chapter fifteen by Rama Devi
blanketed by snow
leaf-whispers enter deep sleep
hushed serenity
================================
Chapter sixteen by Gypsy Blue Rose
cold whirlwind whistles over
Mount Fuji's peaks and valleys
================================
Chapter seventeen by Royowen
Kaleidoscopic
dust gathers the frosted light,
panoramic gems.
================================
Chapter eighteen by Marjon Van Bruggen
winds from the south bring yellow
Sahara desert sand skies
================================
Chapter nineteen by June Sargent
prickly pear cactus
caressed by warm summer breeze
crimson heart opens
================================
Chapter twenty by Gypsy Blue Rose
south wind susurrous whispers
of tumbleweed rustling sounds
================================
Chapter twenty one by Gypsy Blue Rose
farmer prays for rain
for drought-stricken olive trees
resilient souls
================================
Chapter twenty two by DeboraDyess
Rainbow's sharp, dazzling colors
sitting atop sun-struck clouds
================================
Chapter twenty three by June. Sargent
lighthouse shines through fog
guiding boat 'round jagged rocks -
wives cook hot chowder
================================
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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I'm glad you liked this haiku! Just trying to keep the flow movng along naturally. I have revised the notes. I think it's explained quite clearly. Thank you for the generous rating!
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Thank you for moving the book along. I noticed that a lot of poets were adding chapters and then they stopped. Well done!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written 5-7-5 and addition to the Renga multi-author book. The fisher man van see the lighthouse and return from his day at sea, he cannot wait to dig into the meal his wife prepared.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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A very well-written 5-7-5 and addition to the Renga multi-author book. The fisher man van see the lighthouse and return from his day at sea, he cannot wait to dig into the meal his wife prepared.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Thank you for your supportive comments.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This is great. The last line was completely unexpected. But I think what you are referring to is what is in the heads of the men on the boat. Let's get her home safely so we can enjoy dinner. Yeah, men are that simple. Great job!
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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This is great. The last line was completely unexpected. But I think what you are referring to is what is in the heads of the men on the boat. Let's get her home safely so we can enjoy dinner. Yeah, men are that simple. Great job!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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So glad you enjoyed this. Thank you for dropping by!
Comment from Debra White
Hello :)
I really enjoyed the striking imagery created in your haiku.
Every element is heroic; the lighthouse providing light and guidance to those out in the perilous ocean, and the wives preparing hearty sustenance for their fishermen/sailers/lifeboatmen for when they arrive back on shore.
It's just lovely.
Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes, Debra :)
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Hello :)
I really enjoyed the striking imagery created in your haiku.
Every element is heroic; the lighthouse providing light and guidance to those out in the perilous ocean, and the wives preparing hearty sustenance for their fishermen/sailers/lifeboatmen for when they arrive back on shore.
It's just lovely.
Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes, Debra :)
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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So glad you enjoyed this. Thank you for dropping by!
Comment from Mark D. R.
June,
Your imagery is very good. Do like lighthouse, fog, jagged rocks combo.
Your satori line is way out there as a twist. Not so sure that chicken soup (which I do like on a cold day or if sick) is what the fisherman would expect for their meal. LOL
Mark
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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June,
Your imagery is very good. Do like lighthouse, fog, jagged rocks combo.
Your satori line is way out there as a twist. Not so sure that chicken soup (which I do like on a cold day or if sick) is what the fisherman would expect for their meal. LOL
Mark
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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So glad you enjoyed this. Thank you for dropping by! It may not have been chicken soup. How about chowder???
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'corn chowder' keeps your syllable count and then adds a c-letter alliteration LOL
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The guiding light and chicken soup are heartwarming and comforting thoughts amid the threatening rocks, you created a haiku evoking fear and also rescue here, much enjoyed, llove Dolly x
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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The guiding light and chicken soup are heartwarming and comforting thoughts amid the threatening rocks, you created a haiku evoking fear and also rescue here, much enjoyed, llove Dolly x
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Dolly! Always appreciate your insightful feedback.