War Kiss
100 word dash20 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This was well constructed with the 100 word limit. I've tried to write one. It is extremely difficult. You have a good lead to draw the reader in and what a great poignant ending. It seems everything becomes political in these days. We certainly will be raising a different generation. The jaded ones. It is sad to think that some actually share Granpa's feelings. And yet they have feelings.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
  |
This was well constructed with the 100 word limit. I've tried to write one. It is extremely difficult. You have a good lead to draw the reader in and what a great poignant ending. It seems everything becomes political in these days. We certainly will be raising a different generation. The jaded ones. It is sad to think that some actually share Granpa's feelings. And yet they have feelings.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
-
Great review -well worth reading ! zanya
Comment from Saramac
Great analysis of how things have changed through the generations.
I know every word is precious when you've only got 100 of them, but the staccato sentences gave the piece a different tone to how it turned out, especially "Grabbing a pretty girl in a nurse's uniform".
If you changed the first sentence to read: The war was over. It was 1945. People were everywhere, singing, honking horns. I grabbed a pretty girl in a nurse's uniform on Times Square, and I planted a big sloppy kiss, right on her bridge red lips.' I think this sounds less formal and more like a man talking to his grandson, and it's still bang on the 100 words.
Just a suggestion. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
|
Great analysis of how things have changed through the generations.
I know every word is precious when you've only got 100 of them, but the staccato sentences gave the piece a different tone to how it turned out, especially "Grabbing a pretty girl in a nurse's uniform".
If you changed the first sentence to read: The war was over. It was 1945. People were everywhere, singing, honking horns. I grabbed a pretty girl in a nurse's uniform on Times Square, and I planted a big sloppy kiss, right on her bridge red lips.' I think this sounds less formal and more like a man talking to his grandson, and it's still bang on the 100 words.
Just a suggestion. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
-
Great review and thanks for taking time to add suggestions- much appreciated zanya
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, anonymous,
Interesting entry for the
100 Word Dash writing prompt contest. You incorporated the first kiss into your flash fiction. Good job with the word count. It's hard to write flash fiction. You did well. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
|
Hello, anonymous,
Interesting entry for the
100 Word Dash writing prompt contest. You incorporated the first kiss into your flash fiction. Good job with the word count. It's hard to write flash fiction. You did well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
-
Thanks for a great review zanya
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a good strong entry for the 100 Word Dash writing prompt. It should do very well in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
|
This is a good strong entry for the 100 Word Dash writing prompt. It should do very well in the contest. I wish you the very best of luck.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
-
Thanks for a great review zanya
-
Your very welcome.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I think this is a good and realistic entry for the contest. Kisses before Corona, were real, after just virtuals: "You kissed a stranger? What about social distancing?'
Granpa stared into the distance, lost in his own thoughts, 'Buddy, you guys live in a changed world.'
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
|
I think this is a good and realistic entry for the contest. Kisses before Corona, were real, after just virtuals: "You kissed a stranger? What about social distancing?'
Granpa stared into the distance, lost in his own thoughts, 'Buddy, you guys live in a changed world.'
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
-
Thanks for a great review zanya
Comment from GWHARGIS
That is sad. I've tried to tell my kids about a landline and being able to go only as far as the cord would stretch. Lol. But convenience is both good and bad. Great story. Good luck in the contest. Have a great week. Gretchen
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
|
That is sad. I've tried to tell my kids about a landline and being able to go only as far as the cord would stretch. Lol. But convenience is both good and bad. Great story. Good luck in the contest. Have a great week. Gretchen
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
-
Great review zanya
Comment from Melissa Russell Deur
You did it! You got a whole story in--by my count--99 words. It's a fun take on an iconic moment in history (which you claim for yourself!) juxtaposed with the current COVID-19 situation. Of course you are sad, because you've experienced "the good old days." Our grandchildren have only glimpsed the freedoms fought for in 1945, so maybe the future "normal" will be easier for them. Well done!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
|
You did it! You got a whole story in--by my count--99 words. It's a fun take on an iconic moment in history (which you claim for yourself!) juxtaposed with the current COVID-19 situation. Of course you are sad, because you've experienced "the good old days." Our grandchildren have only glimpsed the freedoms fought for in 1945, so maybe the future "normal" will be easier for them. Well done!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
-
Great review zanya
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I really liked this piece. It managed to convey the mood today without a bludgeoning sledgehammer. Of course, he'd also be up on sexual harassment charges these days, too...
Good stuff
GMG
' You kissed a stranger? What about social distancing?'- delete the space after the opening speech mark.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
 |
Hi there,
I really liked this piece. It managed to convey the mood today without a bludgeoning sledgehammer. Of course, he'd also be up on sexual harassment charges these days, too...
Good stuff
GMG
' You kissed a stranger? What about social distancing?'- delete the space after the opening speech mark.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
-
Thanks for that' act of faith' in this little story ! zanya
Comment from Tsukuyomi969
Social distancing? Try assault grandpa.
I like this, it was well written, and I liked that even with the limitation you managed two characters. I'm just not sure what he's lamenting. Is it that he fought in a war so we can social distance now? That doesn't really make sense to me.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
|
Social distancing? Try assault grandpa.
I like this, it was well written, and I liked that even with the limitation you managed two characters. I'm just not sure what he's lamenting. Is it that he fought in a war so we can social distance now? That doesn't really make sense to me.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
-
Thanks for reviewing zanya
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written hundred word flash fiction about the changes from generation to generation my grandparents were part of WWII and what we truly hope will not happen in our era.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
|
A very well-written hundred word flash fiction about the changes from generation to generation my grandparents were part of WWII and what we truly hope will not happen in our era.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
-
Thanks for sharing zanya