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Aiona's Poems

Viewing comments for Chapter 127 "My Other Love"
Because my portfolio is too messy and I have OCD.

3 total reviews 
Comment from Halfree
Good
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Just didn't read as well as your other postings...do not exactly know why. Think it is in the second verse, it did not flow as well for me. Like your work and enjoy the reads ... some good stuff has come from you
your postings.... this one left me a little flat...what ever that means. I think I have a couple more of yours to read ...see you later.

 Comment Written 17-May-2020


reply by the author on 18-May-2020
    Yeah, it does need work. Thanks, Halfree.
Comment from Leonine_Spring
Good
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I like this a lot! I Love the surprise of this being about your love for sailing. The way you introduce it sets the scene really well, too! I especially love the line "standing there amongst the weeds"

 Comment Written 14-May-2020


reply by the author on 14-May-2020
    Thanks!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent
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My Other Love
by Aiona

Hello, Aiona,

Your poem is very nice but it's confusing too. In the first stanza you mentioned his owner; second stanza, crispy sales; and at the end you tell us it's your husband.

 Comment Written 14-May-2020


reply by the author on 14-May-2020
    Yes, I felt it was confusing too. I need to work on those lines. Thanks for the critique!