Poetic Treasures & Dreams
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "First Robin"na-po-wri-mo contest
8 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Bednar
I like the first line - it has a nice rhythm to it, but the second line loses the rhythm. All the other lines skip along and then ... palm. it falls flat. Hand would have gone better with the "h" in hold and the a sound in "flashing" .. The "aw" sound throws it off at the end I think. I love poems about birds and the photo is stunning. A few tweaks and I would rate this higher.
reply by the author on 07-May-2020
   |
I like the first line - it has a nice rhythm to it, but the second line loses the rhythm. All the other lines skip along and then ... palm. it falls flat. Hand would have gone better with the "h" in hold and the a sound in "flashing" .. The "aw" sound throws it off at the end I think. I love poems about birds and the photo is stunning. A few tweaks and I would rate this higher.
Comment Written 06-May-2020
reply by the author on 07-May-2020
-
Thank you for your review and suggestions. Dove
Comment from Susan X Smith
This is a beautiful example of a Nonet poem, and an excellent contest entry. The rhythm and meter work well here, and your words are well chosen. The picture is a nice complement.
reply by the author on 07-May-2020
|
This is a beautiful example of a Nonet poem, and an excellent contest entry. The rhythm and meter work well here, and your words are well chosen. The picture is a nice complement.
Comment Written 06-May-2020
reply by the author on 07-May-2020
-
Dear Susan, Thank you for your compliments and review. Dove
Comment from Puzzle
Awe I wanna hold the birds too! I love the first sounds of summer. I always know it's coming because bird chirps are the very first sign. This is a great poem. I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 07-May-2020
|
Awe I wanna hold the birds too! I love the first sounds of summer. I always know it's coming because bird chirps are the very first sign. This is a great poem. I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 06-May-2020
reply by the author on 07-May-2020
-
Dear Puzzle, Thank you for your comments, compliments and review. Dove
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
You like birds, as you wish to catch a robin and hold her sweet form in your palm, how interesting to see her chirping, chattering, happy reddish orange headed; well said, well done.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
|
You like birds, as you wish to catch a robin and hold her sweet form in your palm, how interesting to see her chirping, chattering, happy reddish orange headed; well said, well done.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
-
Dear Alcreator, Thank you for your compliments and review. Dove
Comment from The_Boy_Whodunnit
A very nice little poem. I love having the robins come and visit my garden and love to write about them to. I think you have captured here the image of the robin really well.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
|
A very nice little poem. I love having the robins come and visit my garden and love to write about them to. I think you have captured here the image of the robin really well.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
-
Dear Whodunnit, Thank you for your compliments and review. Dove
Comment from Ogden
A couple of responses come to mind about such unrewarding wishes. A bird in the hand is not a great idea for you or the bird, and, if wishes were horses you'd really have your hands full! (Why not wish for something attainable?)
Ogden (Don)
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
|
A couple of responses come to mind about such unrewarding wishes. A bird in the hand is not a great idea for you or the bird, and, if wishes were horses you'd really have your hands full! (Why not wish for something attainable?)
Ogden (Don)
Comment Written 29-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2020
-
Thank you for your review. Dove
Comment from Drew Delaney
We probably have robins too, but I have not seen any as yet. First are crows, then are robins. Your nonet is describes him nicely. Holding it would be nice too.
Well done!
Drew xx
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2020
|
We probably have robins too, but I have not seen any as yet. First are crows, then are robins. Your nonet is describes him nicely. Holding it would be nice too.
Well done!
Drew xx
Comment Written 17-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2020
-
Dear Drew, thank you for your compliment and review. Dove
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
Lovely nonet, Dovemark! Sometimes a small thing catches our attention and that is enough to compose a poem. I also like the format very much.
If I were you, I'd change all the capitals for the lower cast, except at the beginning of a new sentence. Where it most disturbs me, is the last, free-standing word Palm. But, of course, this is just me. It is your very good poem, so you decide.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2020
|
Lovely nonet, Dovemark! Sometimes a small thing catches our attention and that is enough to compose a poem. I also like the format very much.
If I were you, I'd change all the capitals for the lower cast, except at the beginning of a new sentence. Where it most disturbs me, is the last, free-standing word Palm. But, of course, this is just me. It is your very good poem, so you decide.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2020
-
Dear Marjon, Thank you for your compliments and review. I'll take another look at it and see what I can do. Dove
-
so welcome!