An Evening 'Slay' Ride
Beware of what waits in the woods...15 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
This certainly provides horror. It sounds like it could be a teen scream flick. You describe such a perfect setting at the beginning. It seems the perfect night for the newly-engaged couple to celebrate. You might give just a teeny hint that something is a bit off, maybe they've heard stories about the creatures in the woods. Best of luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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This certainly provides horror. It sounds like it could be a teen scream flick. You describe such a perfect setting at the beginning. It seems the perfect night for the newly-engaged couple to celebrate. You might give just a teeny hint that something is a bit off, maybe they've heard stories about the creatures in the woods. Best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 09-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Thank you! Appreciate your suggestion. I?ll take a look and see how I could incorporate that! xoxo
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Hi, Diana. You're very welcome. judi
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Diana. I know the rules for the story. What a pleasant little Christmas story. Don't take that the wrong way. Your story is very well written and suspenseful. You complying with the rules for the type of story you were to write. I think I'll just stick with, "T'was the night before Christmas." :))) Robert
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Hello Diana. I know the rules for the story. What a pleasant little Christmas story. Don't take that the wrong way. Your story is very well written and suspenseful. You complying with the rules for the type of story you were to write. I think I'll just stick with, "T'was the night before Christmas." :))) Robert
Comment Written 09-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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HaHa! well, at least it is pleasant and suspenseful! thanks for reading it and sharing your thoughts! :) xoxo
Comment from country ranch writer
Only one problem I could find is how can you tell the story if you are dead?
Maybe say they found my body three moths later frozen beneath the tree.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Only one problem I could find is how can you tell the story if you are dead?
Maybe say they found my body three moths later frozen beneath the tree.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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I am a ghost telling the tale, but you don't know that until the end! hahaha! I like your addition though! thanks much! :) xoxo
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Yep, quite a creepy offering for the holidays, my lady!! ;) I'll be sure to stay away from sleigh rides this year - lol!! ;) :) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
beloved's ripped up body; and I could --> beloved's shredded body. I could [or put a comma, but it's a bit too long of a long sentence without the period break]
a sleigh; but at that --> a sleigh, but, at that
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Yep, quite a creepy offering for the holidays, my lady!! ;) I'll be sure to stay away from sleigh rides this year - lol!! ;) :) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
beloved's ripped up body; and I could --> beloved's shredded body. I could [or put a comma, but it's a bit too long of a long sentence without the period break]
a sleigh; but at that --> a sleigh, but, at that
Comment Written 09-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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ok thanks very much!! :) appreciate the suggestions! xoxoxoxo
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I'm not sure this completely works. The last paragraph feels a little odd given that the narrator is commenting upon her own death. I kind of feel it would make more sense to have written it in third person for this type of ending rather than first person.
I also feel the emotional elements are quit4 underwritten given it's a horror piece.
A few things I jotted down as I read through-
we had made plans to take a cozy sleigh ride to celebrate our engagement. / we decided to explore them by way of horse and sleigh. - I felt this is a little repetitive. The ending of the first two paragraphs really saying the same thing.
was a bit overwhelmed emotionally- can you be a bit overwhelmed?
They caught sight of me, and paralyzing terror set in. I had no experience with driving a sleigh; but at that moment, all I could think was I had to get out of there as quickly as possible. There was no saving my John. I picked up the reins and yelled for the horse to go - paralyzing would spear the wrong choice of words here as she sprung into action almost immediately.
All the best
GMG
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Hi there,
I'm not sure this completely works. The last paragraph feels a little odd given that the narrator is commenting upon her own death. I kind of feel it would make more sense to have written it in third person for this type of ending rather than first person.
I also feel the emotional elements are quit4 underwritten given it's a horror piece.
A few things I jotted down as I read through-
we had made plans to take a cozy sleigh ride to celebrate our engagement. / we decided to explore them by way of horse and sleigh. - I felt this is a little repetitive. The ending of the first two paragraphs really saying the same thing.
was a bit overwhelmed emotionally- can you be a bit overwhelmed?
They caught sight of me, and paralyzing terror set in. I had no experience with driving a sleigh; but at that moment, all I could think was I had to get out of there as quickly as possible. There was no saving my John. I picked up the reins and yelled for the horse to go - paralyzing would spear the wrong choice of words here as she sprung into action almost immediately.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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Thank you, I truly appreciate this critique. I am just exploring story writing as I have mostly just written poetry all my life. I will review your comments and see how I can revise it. It was kind of you to go into depth for me. :) xoxo
Comment from Cybertron1986
Absolutely a haunting tale. I thought it would be impossible to conjure a successful tale of horror with the flavor of a Christmas setting, but this has proved my assumption wrong. Very well written and voiced for the reader, and true horror fan to be engrossed in!
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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Absolutely a haunting tale. I thought it would be impossible to conjure a successful tale of horror with the flavor of a Christmas setting, but this has proved my assumption wrong. Very well written and voiced for the reader, and true horror fan to be engrossed in!
Comment Written 08-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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Thank you! I never had any intention of writing stories when I joined, but somehow I found myself trying. It is so much different than poetry and I?m so happy that I got involved! I?m so happy you can appreciate the work!!! xoxo
Comment from damommy
I used to live in a place much like you described, but I never encountered any flesh-eating creepies. This is a far cry from the sweet little dragons, but it shows how wide-spread your talents are. Excellent writing and very scary story.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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I used to live in a place much like you described, but I never encountered any flesh-eating creepies. This is a far cry from the sweet little dragons, but it shows how wide-spread your talents are. Excellent writing and very scary story.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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Oh how lucky! I wished I lived in such a glorious place! Thank you so much for the compliment and encouragement! xoxo
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the Club Challenge nicely as you deliver a well penned and thoroughly engaging story which binds the theme of the undead and Christmas together into one classy wrapped package. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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This meets the Club Challenge nicely as you deliver a well penned and thoroughly engaging story which binds the theme of the undead and Christmas together into one classy wrapped package. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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Thank you! It is actually for the Horror Contest. I have yet to write for the club challenge. It started out intended for that, but decided to submit for contest instead! So another yet to come! Haha! Appreciate your excellent feedback! xoxo
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You could have done both. If you reserve in the contest prior to posting to the club page you will be able to enter it in the contest when it is posted for the challenge. It's too late for this one, but now you know for future.
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Oh got ya! Thank you! I thought it could only be for one or the other! Appreciate the info!! xoxo
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
this evidently is a story about horror. So glad that it's only fictional. The horror that these human-like form individuals did, was so unreal. Not a happy sleigh ride.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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this evidently is a story about horror. So glad that it's only fictional. The horror that these human-like form individuals did, was so unreal. Not a happy sleigh ride.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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So true! Even worse can happen in reality. Appreciate you took time to read and leave me feedback. xoxo
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Mmmm those chocolate covered strawberries! Then you hit us with the horror Diana! Oh my goodness, a narrow escape and this is indeed a terrifying story, sent a shiver down my spine, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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Mmmm those chocolate covered strawberries! Then you hit us with the horror Diana! Oh my goodness, a narrow escape and this is indeed a terrifying story, sent a shiver down my spine, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 08-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
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Oh goodie! Goal accomplished! Haha! Appreciate you took time to read my story! The ending was an after thought, but worked out even better than my original ending! Thanks so much for reading and appreciate the feedback on this! xoxo
