Fine web
5-7-5 poem22 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Great imagery and commentary in three short lines! Great word economy (though the middle line has room for improvement along those lines by replacing THE with a descriptive word). Example
Fine dew studded web
glitters in soft morning sun
crafty charm entice.
The phonetics are fantastic with all the S, T, F and M sounds!
The flow could be improved by using punctuation (in my opinion). Example:
Fine dew-studded web
glitters in the morning sun--
crafty charm-entice.
The reason for hyphenating charm-entice is that, otherwise, it sounds forced because, grammatically, it would be entices, which would add an extra syllable.
Using the hyphen remedies that...and is an original combination for a compound!
Namaste,
rd
PS The edits are optional, so five stars.
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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Great imagery and commentary in three short lines! Great word economy (though the middle line has room for improvement along those lines by replacing THE with a descriptive word). Example
Fine dew studded web
glitters in soft morning sun
crafty charm entice.
The phonetics are fantastic with all the S, T, F and M sounds!
The flow could be improved by using punctuation (in my opinion). Example:
Fine dew-studded web
glitters in the morning sun--
crafty charm-entice.
The reason for hyphenating charm-entice is that, otherwise, it sounds forced because, grammatically, it would be entices, which would add an extra syllable.
Using the hyphen remedies that...and is an original combination for a compound!
Namaste,
rd
PS The edits are optional, so five stars.
Comment Written 11-May-2019
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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using hyphen is a good idea. but can we use punctuation in 5-7-5?
Some reviewers advice me not to use punctuation at all !
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Absolutely! 5-7-5 has no restrictions like that. However, haiku rules are different and say punctuation should be minimized (but it is permitted, in line)
Comment from susand3022
Hi Sanku, Isn't the dew a nice thing in the morning if you live in a place that the spiders like to be? I don't worry about it on one side of the house, but the other has more trees and foliage and tends to end up webby across the walkway from time to time. That morning dew can be a blessing, or you can end up with a face full of spiderweb! :(
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Hi Sanku, Isn't the dew a nice thing in the morning if you live in a place that the spiders like to be? I don't worry about it on one side of the house, but the other has more trees and foliage and tends to end up webby across the walkway from time to time. That morning dew can be a blessing, or you can end up with a face full of spiderweb! :(
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Thank you very much for reading and sharing your thoughts.yes Morning dew is a blessing.
Comment from TPAC
Dew tingles on a spider web will attract, sun adding to the enticement, creative conveyance in this read, all stated in my opinion of this particular write.
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Dew tingles on a spider web will attract, sun adding to the enticement, creative conveyance in this read, all stated in my opinion of this particular write.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Thank you very much.
Comment from l.raven
Hi Sanku, they may be made be some pretty scary critters...but they can make some amazing web designs...
some are stunning...and when wet beautiful...I love your poem...and love this picture...very nicely written...love you...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Hi Sanku, they may be made be some pretty scary critters...but they can make some amazing web designs...
some are stunning...and when wet beautiful...I love your poem...and love this picture...very nicely written...love you...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 24-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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True .I always wondered how these creatures could weave such geometrically symmetrical webs!
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and fast...love you...xxoo
Comment from Tina Crute
Love, love, love the word choice....dew studded, glisten,etc. The glistening web entices. This is most likely a winner and I would give six stars if I had them.
Great job!
Tina
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Love, love, love the word choice....dew studded, glisten,etc. The glistening web entices. This is most likely a winner and I would give six stars if I had them.
Great job!
Tina
Comment Written 24-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Thank you very much. your words cheered me up.
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You are welcome! You chose
words that provided a lot
of imagery and feelings :-)
Comment from tfawcus
Your 5-7-5 is well matched to the accompanying illustration. I liked the first two lines but found your third line a little awkward. I wondered if something more grammatically connected might work better, e.g. crafty enticement.
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Your 5-7-5 is well matched to the accompanying illustration. I liked the first two lines but found your third line a little awkward. I wondered if something more grammatically connected might work better, e.g. crafty enticement.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Thank you very much.Thanks for the suggestion .
Comment from SeanFox16
Beautiful little poem. Illicits memories of early morning walks in the hills with the sun lighting up vast arrays of cobwebs coated in the dew of the night. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Beautiful little poem. Illicits memories of early morning walks in the hills with the sun lighting up vast arrays of cobwebs coated in the dew of the night. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Thank you very much for your comments.dew on cobwebs causes nostalgia, I suppose.
Comment from Bichon
A great descriptive write. You have included the purity and beautiful nature of a thin web in such little space. I don't like spiders, but I can admire their webs with ease!
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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A great descriptive write. You have included the purity and beautiful nature of a thin web in such little space. I don't like spiders, but I can admire their webs with ease!
Comment Written 24-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Thank you ver much.I too dont like them but their craft is stunning.
Comment from Bicpen
Excellent ... the image works well with a disclosure of intrigue. It draws into the creation the idea and follows through to a good completion where the final secret is revealed ... its all about entrapment ... please be careful.
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Excellent ... the image works well with a disclosure of intrigue. It draws into the creation the idea and follows through to a good completion where the final secret is revealed ... its all about entrapment ... please be careful.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Thank you very much.yes. it is all about entrapment !
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written 5-7-5 poem inspired by the perfectly spinner fine Web studded with pearls of dew that glitters in the early morning sun. Reminds of artwork from a crafts hope.
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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A very well-written 5-7-5 poem inspired by the perfectly spinner fine Web studded with pearls of dew that glitters in the early morning sun. Reminds of artwork from a crafts hope.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Thank you very much .