People We Once Knew
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Maze"Short Stories
13 total reviews
Comment from elchupakabra
I enjoyed your story, thanks for giving me a heads up - addiction is something that unfortunately I've seen many succumb to, I don't wish it on anyone. Later daze.
reply by the author on 28-May-2021
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I enjoyed your story, thanks for giving me a heads up - addiction is something that unfortunately I've seen many succumb to, I don't wish it on anyone. Later daze.
Comment Written 28-May-2021
reply by the author on 28-May-2021
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Thanks for taking a look at it. I am glad you found it something that speaks truth to these kinds of situations. One of the side effects of suburbia. estory
Comment from Ulla
Hi estory, this deserves a six, because it very well written. I can understand his plight up to a point. He loves her but she keeps betraying him for drugs. There comes a point where I would just walk away. For all her struggles she's pulling him down. I'm sorry. He has to see reality, get out and get a life. A very engaging story. All best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2019
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Hi estory, this deserves a six, because it very well written. I can understand his plight up to a point. He loves her but she keeps betraying him for drugs. There comes a point where I would just walk away. For all her struggles she's pulling him down. I'm sorry. He has to see reality, get out and get a life. A very engaging story. All best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 10-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2019
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Thanks again for the exceptional review; I think this was the only six in all the reviews, which surprised me a little because I think this is one of my favorite, and best stories. It was a life like story, I think, one that a lot of people related to. The struggle to get through the maze of life, and get to a place of love, of forgiveness, is what this story is about. estory
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
this is good, with a solid and deep point of view. the tone is spot on. there's almost a quiet desperation or perhaps more accurately reconciliation to the matter at hand / the situation.
She had these soft looking brown eyes, - you could omit looking here. (I noticed a tendency to use looking a few times, in this piece, especially early on)
"Do you need her?" My mother asked - my.
wrap the kids birthday presents like my mother - kids'.
"Where do you want to go in life?" My mother asked me. - my, the my isn't capitalised as it isn't a proper noun (Mother told me, would be) or a name.
"Julie, this is what you said you wanted to do forever," I told her, "This is what we've been talking a- the dialogue after the tag should start lower case as the previous dialogue and sentence remain open. Either that or use a full stop / period after the tag.
"Julie," I asked her, "Is this what you've been doing all those time - same thing here.
"I don't know if I can help you," I told her.' - remove the mark from the very end.
I know part of my wanted to, said I deserved it - me rather than my here.
"Julie," I said, "How could you? What the hell were you thinking?" - same rule as before regarding continuing dialogue.
The rehab center was big, brick building; - was a big.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Hi there,
this is good, with a solid and deep point of view. the tone is spot on. there's almost a quiet desperation or perhaps more accurately reconciliation to the matter at hand / the situation.
She had these soft looking brown eyes, - you could omit looking here. (I noticed a tendency to use looking a few times, in this piece, especially early on)
"Do you need her?" My mother asked - my.
wrap the kids birthday presents like my mother - kids'.
"Where do you want to go in life?" My mother asked me. - my, the my isn't capitalised as it isn't a proper noun (Mother told me, would be) or a name.
"Julie, this is what you said you wanted to do forever," I told her, "This is what we've been talking a- the dialogue after the tag should start lower case as the previous dialogue and sentence remain open. Either that or use a full stop / period after the tag.
"Julie," I asked her, "Is this what you've been doing all those time - same thing here.
"I don't know if I can help you," I told her.' - remove the mark from the very end.
I know part of my wanted to, said I deserved it - me rather than my here.
"Julie," I said, "How could you? What the hell were you thinking?" - same rule as before regarding continuing dialogue.
The rehab center was big, brick building; - was a big.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and all the comments and suggestions on this story. I'll give it a look over again someday after I let it sit for a bit. But I am glad you liked the story and its premise. This is one of my favorite stories and probably one of my best. There's a couple of characters that come off as likeable and vulnerable and I am glad that came across so well. estory
Comment from TheStoryMan
Addiction is so hard to recover from. The first step is wanting to quit. It's something that an addict will struggle with every day for the rest of their lives. They need the support of those who love them. I'm glad he didn't walk away.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Addiction is so hard to recover from. The first step is wanting to quit. It's something that an addict will struggle with every day for the rest of their lives. They need the support of those who love them. I'm glad he didn't walk away.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Thanks for the excellent review and all your wonderful encouraging comments supporting this story. I am glad it stirred up those emotions and you could sympathize with the characters. estory
Comment from LisaMay
I am afraid this story made me angry... at how some people waste their potential through addictions and suck other people into their unreliable, untrustworthy, random lives. True, I have no experience of the drug world and don't know anyone with a drug problem (what a charmed life I have led in NZ), so I don't know how I would react if someone close to me was affected. I hope it would be with love and compassion, like the narrator of this story. Everyone deserves a second chance, but a third and a fourth would be problematic surely.
Your spare, straightforward writing style is well suited to the story; no distracting embellishments.
Just a couple of points I noticed:
1. Is there a druggy term for not being affected by drugs? If so, it would avoid the use of the word "sober" which to me is about alcohol abuse, in your sentence: "At first, things were great. She was sober."
2. In the paragraph that begins "I had a beer there, feeling sorry for myself etc etc", the word "my" is used and it should be "me" in the sentence ( "I know part of my wanted to, said I deserved it.")
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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I am afraid this story made me angry... at how some people waste their potential through addictions and suck other people into their unreliable, untrustworthy, random lives. True, I have no experience of the drug world and don't know anyone with a drug problem (what a charmed life I have led in NZ), so I don't know how I would react if someone close to me was affected. I hope it would be with love and compassion, like the narrator of this story. Everyone deserves a second chance, but a third and a fourth would be problematic surely.
Your spare, straightforward writing style is well suited to the story; no distracting embellishments.
Just a couple of points I noticed:
1. Is there a druggy term for not being affected by drugs? If so, it would avoid the use of the word "sober" which to me is about alcohol abuse, in your sentence: "At first, things were great. She was sober."
2. In the paragraph that begins "I had a beer there, feeling sorry for myself etc etc", the word "my" is used and it should be "me" in the sentence ( "I know part of my wanted to, said I deserved it.")
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and all your interesting comments and perspective on the story. I am always amazed at how many different responses people have to things, many times different from what I would expect. But the fact that you had such an emotional response means the story did its job. I think anger is something we all feel when someone lets us down. But its overcoming that, and giving of ourselves to lift someone else up; the struggle for love, that is what life is all about. Love is what separates us from the rest of creation. estory
Comment from Ms. Snyder
First I must say that you hit the nail on the head with rooting for the two people to need each other despite drug addiction, theft and dishonesty. One thing to point out there is a me/my error in one of your paragraphs. Unfortunately I was reading on my phone and was unable to pin point which paragraph for you, please scan you have word my and I believe it should be me.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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First I must say that you hit the nail on the head with rooting for the two people to need each other despite drug addiction, theft and dishonesty. One thing to point out there is a me/my error in one of your paragraphs. Unfortunately I was reading on my phone and was unable to pin point which paragraph for you, please scan you have word my and I believe it should be me.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and all the comments supporting the piece and your suggestions. I am glad you felt the story was spot on and well executed. I think the two characters are two people many people could relate to. estory
Comment from Tootsie55
I love your writing style. You really include the reader as we go along. Now some spags.She would walk pas(t)[sed] my aisle and flash me a smile.
Then she gave (me)a quick kiss
The rehab center was (a) big, brick building; pas(t)[sed] the open doors
Author notes: each other is one (of)my favorites.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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I love your writing style. You really include the reader as we go along. Now some spags.She would walk pas(t)[sed] my aisle and flash me a smile.
Then she gave (me)a quick kiss
The rehab center was (a) big, brick building; pas(t)[sed] the open doors
Author notes: each other is one (of)my favorites.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and all your comments and suggestions. I am flattered that you liked the style. Much of it though borrows from the work of Raymond Carver here. He was the master of this minimalist stripped down suburban dialogue. estory
Comment from Rob Caudle
Mission accomplished my freind you have done eactly what you set out to gut wrenching indeed the word of addiction is tradjedy born of tradjedy. It simply put everyone involved at terrible risk. Before my son got clean thankflly nine month and25 day one day at time our live were worry hope disapoint day n and day otu. thanks for penning the thought provoking piece.
Rob
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Mission accomplished my freind you have done eactly what you set out to gut wrenching indeed the word of addiction is tradjedy born of tradjedy. It simply put everyone involved at terrible risk. Before my son got clean thankflly nine month and25 day one day at time our live were worry hope disapoint day n and day otu. thanks for penning the thought provoking piece.
Rob
Comment Written 07-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and all your comments and perspective on the piece. Many people can relate to this I think, nowadays. I am glad you thought the story did a good job of digging into this issue. estory
Comment from Miss Sherry
This is hard for me to read. I had a meth-addicted husband and I was not only clean, but was totally naïve about drugs. All those things happened to me, so your story rings true in every way. Addiction is a savage thing. The only thing different in your story and my reality is that he beat me for ten years, crippling me for life. If this is fiction, you are some writer!! Great, gut-wrenching stuff.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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This is hard for me to read. I had a meth-addicted husband and I was not only clean, but was totally naïve about drugs. All those things happened to me, so your story rings true in every way. Addiction is a savage thing. The only thing different in your story and my reality is that he beat me for ten years, crippling me for life. If this is fiction, you are some writer!! Great, gut-wrenching stuff.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your perspective on the piece. I am glad it rang so true for you. I think only the people who went through some kind of experience with drugs (and who really didn't, in the hard partying seventies and eightees?) will understand what these two are going through. The story is fiction, but largely based on many experiences quite close to me. I think what the story really is about is love, and the struggle to get there, through the maze of life. estory
Comment from susand3022
Hello Estory... this is a piece that makes people think for sure. Most of the time you are apt to look at someone who does drugs and think of the disgustingness that they have become instead of trying to see the person that they were before and still are inside and are probably trying to be, fighting to be... mostly. But they are being held down most forcibly by this dreadful addiction that has them in its grip. So sad. It has such an effect on all who are around the person it takes hold of.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Hello Estory... this is a piece that makes people think for sure. Most of the time you are apt to look at someone who does drugs and think of the disgustingness that they have become instead of trying to see the person that they were before and still are inside and are probably trying to be, fighting to be... mostly. But they are being held down most forcibly by this dreadful addiction that has them in its grip. So sad. It has such an effect on all who are around the person it takes hold of.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your interesting comments about the story. I am glad it made so many people think and react so strongly; it means it was a good story. That is my aim; rip your heart out and leave you on the operating table, confronting life, and the struggle to live. estory