Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 93 "Chapter Achtundzwanzig Part vier"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
20 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
Rather more difficult writing sustained telephone dialogue than face-to-face dialogue. You've done it well. I liked the way you started, with the comment about the nod. However, it does make Drew appear to be clairvoyant! I'd be inclined to just have him say that he can't hear Shana. Your reader should be able to pick up on why that is.
Drew mentions three times that he'll be back in two, or two and a half hours. Did you intend that?
"Okay. Why was she there [here] and why's she in the hospital?"
"She was here because she owes people a lot of money."
['There' makes it sound as if Drew is asking why she was in Fiji]
This chapter adds to my understanding of Drew's character. His frustration and anger come through strongly. Obviously a man who likes things to go the way he planned!
I can't wait to see what happens when he gets back!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
  |
Rather more difficult writing sustained telephone dialogue than face-to-face dialogue. You've done it well. I liked the way you started, with the comment about the nod. However, it does make Drew appear to be clairvoyant! I'd be inclined to just have him say that he can't hear Shana. Your reader should be able to pick up on why that is.
Drew mentions three times that he'll be back in two, or two and a half hours. Did you intend that?
"Okay. Why was she there [here] and why's she in the hospital?"
"She was here because she owes people a lot of money."
['There' makes it sound as if Drew is asking why she was in Fiji]
This chapter adds to my understanding of Drew's character. His frustration and anger come through strongly. Obviously a man who likes things to go the way he planned!
I can't wait to see what happens when he gets back!
Comment Written 06-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
-
"Okay. Why was she there [here] and why's she in the hospital?" (Drew is in NYC so he wants to know why Patricia was in TX, she's supposed to be in Fiji) Also I wanted to show that Drew knows and understand Shana totally, or so he thinks. That's why I added he knew she nodded. If my explanations don't work, let me know. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Zue65
Events are really heating up for Shana. Will the conflicts ever stop or will it continue to complicate matters more both for Shana and Drew. Anyway I enjoyed reading the intensity of the actions in this post. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
|
Events are really heating up for Shana. Will the conflicts ever stop or will it continue to complicate matters more both for Shana and Drew. Anyway I enjoyed reading the intensity of the actions in this post. Keep writing.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from WildWithWords
A good solid piece of writing which maintains interest and also tension throughout. The editing looked flawless to me. Very professional. I have nothing to offer by way of improvements and look forward to subsequent chapters.
Bill (WildWithWords)
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
|
A good solid piece of writing which maintains interest and also tension throughout. The editing looked flawless to me. Very professional. I have nothing to offer by way of improvements and look forward to subsequent chapters.
Bill (WildWithWords)
Comment Written 05-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
-
Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from apky
Another fast and furious chapter here.
Drew strikes me as always the voice of reason as well as fire and brimstone or something. At least when it comes to Shana and his ex wife. I can understand his protective nature which will endear him to many readers, especially the women.
Continue the excellent work, Barbara.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2018
|
Another fast and furious chapter here.
Drew strikes me as always the voice of reason as well as fire and brimstone or something. At least when it comes to Shana and his ex wife. I can understand his protective nature which will endear him to many readers, especially the women.
Continue the excellent work, Barbara.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2018
-
Yes, Drew is a catch. I enjoy him. Not too many men like him around. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I don't blame Drew for being upset with his security. He says he'll never leave Shana again... the most serious thing he's said yet. If he asks to marry her, she'll just say no...or will she? :)
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2018
|
I don't blame Drew for being upset with his security. He says he'll never leave Shana again... the most serious thing he's said yet. If he asks to marry her, she'll just say no...or will she? :)
Comment Written 04-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2018
-
Right now, she will say no. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from barkingdog
Great dialogue in this one, barbara. It just kept rolling along. Natural and smooth.
I'm wondering now what Anderson will do about Patricia now that she's has tried to kill Shana and is in the hospital.
You certainly keep the suspense high.
Take care,
:) ellen
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2018
|
Great dialogue in this one, barbara. It just kept rolling along. Natural and smooth.
I'm wondering now what Anderson will do about Patricia now that she's has tried to kill Shana and is in the hospital.
You certainly keep the suspense high.
Take care,
:) ellen
Comment Written 04-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review. I am not sure what Drew will do.
Comment from giraffmang
Methinks Anderson is somewhat of a control freak here...lol
"Yes, everything's fine. I finished 'King Lear.' - need closing speech marks here.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2018
|
Methinks Anderson is somewhat of a control freak here...lol
"Yes, everything's fine. I finished 'King Lear.' - need closing speech marks here.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2018
-
I will quick add those. Thank you for the catch.
Comment from Ben Colder
What an inspiration created from a stolen picture. Must agree about paying a fortune for security and then this happens. I am looking for bitter-sweet from this. Well done Barb. Sorry to be late, been Ill. OK Now. Thanks for writing a review for my novel.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2018
 |
What an inspiration created from a stolen picture. Must agree about paying a fortune for security and then this happens. I am looking for bitter-sweet from this. Well done Barb. Sorry to be late, been Ill. OK Now. Thanks for writing a review for my novel.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2018
-
My prayers are with you. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
Well done. Definitely in the SIX mood, here at the moment. Such tension and excitement and all because of their deep love for each other I hope is coming out real soon. No spags!
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2018
|
Well done. Definitely in the SIX mood, here at the moment. Such tension and excitement and all because of their deep love for each other I hope is coming out real soon. No spags!
Comment Written 03-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2018
-
Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from royowen
Well, that's an admission and a half, "I'm leaving you again!" Sounds very dramatic, she'll never be rid of him again, even if she wants to! The Patriica thing won't ever be over, unless she is removed to another planet, well done Barbara, blessings, Roy
Typo : Hit her head (on) the corner of the table.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2018
|
Well, that's an admission and a half, "I'm leaving you again!" Sounds very dramatic, she'll never be rid of him again, even if she wants to! The Patriica thing won't ever be over, unless she is removed to another planet, well done Barbara, blessings, Roy
Typo : Hit her head (on) the corner of the table.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2018
-
I will fix that ASAP. Thank you for the catch.
-
Well done