GULBRANDR- God's Sword
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Nyla and Joshua"A child is born who will be a champion
8 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Hi Rox, I'm giving you my last 6 because this story is absolutely wonderful. You do have spelling errors, but I read Roy's review and noticed he's caught them for you. Now, you mustn't think of giving up with this story. Write it down as it comes to you. The errors can be sorted afterwards. Roy said he's willing to help you, I am too. If you'd like to e-mail me your part before you post, I'll check it over for you, too. Then Roy can find the ones I miss. My writing was so like yours at the beginning, it's not perfect now, but I'm (slowly) getting there. LOL.
I loved this part and loved the length, it's such a gripping, wonderful tale I could read it to the end of the story, no problem. Now Joshua has met his mother properly and found out she had been watching him as he grew up. lol, that took him by surprise. I love the dogs and the dragons, I love everything about this story and I'm already wanting the next part posted!! Well done, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Hi Rox, I'm giving you my last 6 because this story is absolutely wonderful. You do have spelling errors, but I read Roy's review and noticed he's caught them for you. Now, you mustn't think of giving up with this story. Write it down as it comes to you. The errors can be sorted afterwards. Roy said he's willing to help you, I am too. If you'd like to e-mail me your part before you post, I'll check it over for you, too. Then Roy can find the ones I miss. My writing was so like yours at the beginning, it's not perfect now, but I'm (slowly) getting there. LOL.
I loved this part and loved the length, it's such a gripping, wonderful tale I could read it to the end of the story, no problem. Now Joshua has met his mother properly and found out she had been watching him as he grew up. lol, that took him by surprise. I love the dogs and the dragons, I love everything about this story and I'm already wanting the next part posted!! Well done, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 26-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much Sandra. I'm just a bit disgusted with myself for making so many errors. I read it so many times, brother! =}
Thank you for your generous offer. I hate for you to have to do that. I'm going to try putting it on my Word program at work as it has a built in grammar tool because I use it to write letters and it tells me if I say a phrase wrong or use the wrong tense. I have done that with part of the next chapter and it seems to have worked well, but we will see.
I have not been sleeping at all, I go thru these times of not sleeping for weeks and weeks. It's awful so I get all grumpy with myself and others sometimes, though I hope I haven't been rude to anyone on here. =}
Have you noticed a real change in the type of personalities on here now? I was off for about a year or so and it seems like a whole new group has come in, or I'm just seeing them. They all have such tragic lives. They suffer from depression, OCD, have attempted suicide, are bi-polar, have a number of emotional and mental disorders. It is so sad!! I find myself getting depressed. I read one where the guy is in rehab for drinking. And on the other hand I am finding so many more spiritual poems by Christians which I didn't see much of before. People seem more serious and do not get my humor. I took a poem off because they just didn't get it and took it too seriously. Poor things! They seem to only want to read short stories or poems as well so I'm going to shorten my chapters. I can't get more than 10, if that, reviews even when I offer a decent amount of money with it, where I used to get at least 16-20 and more.
So I must adjust myself. Things are always changing. =} You said you could read other people reviews for my stuff. How do you do that? It would be helpful when I find an error to know if someone has been told 10x already. =]
Well sorry to go on and on. Thank you again so much for the offer to read before I post and the great review and 6 stars and for being a sweet friend. Rox xxxx (too many 'ands' =}
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To read other people's reviews, just above where they write their review is a list to click on. Just click on 'view ratings' and you can read them all. If you want to see what the reviewer writes about other peoples work, go to their profile page and on the left hand side is a list to click on. Click on Comments. You can tell if they really are good at reviewing or if they copy and paste the same review to everyone.
As for seeing changes here. Yes, there have been loads. I don't know many now, I stick with the ones I like to read, and who have become friends. You have been a friend from years back. Makes us sound old!! lol. I was pleased to see you'd come back and with this amazing story. Keep it going, my friend. :) xxx
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Hi Roxanna,
Your chapter progresses the story well.
The interest is retained and chapter to chapter clarity and flow
Is commendable and well structured.
The detail in dialogue is clear and focused and the chaptr was a pleasure to read.
****** virtual six
Blessings
Shirley
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Hi Roxanna,
Your chapter progresses the story well.
The interest is retained and chapter to chapter clarity and flow
Is commendable and well structured.
The detail in dialogue is clear and focused and the chaptr was a pleasure to read.
****** virtual six
Blessings
Shirley
Comment Written 26-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much Shirley.
Comment from Harry Smith
Great picture. I really enjoy reading the authors writing. This kept me interested from the beginning until the end. The story has lots and lots of imagery!
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Great picture. I really enjoy reading the authors writing. This kept me interested from the beginning until the end. The story has lots and lots of imagery!
Comment Written 25-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much Harry. =}
Comment from Brent Davis
Hi, with the initial conversation, it could have used a better connection and sense of the setting it was taking place in. Plenty of rich story, which was cool, but could use more a bit more show than tell. Some typos like: "He pull back the hood..." Edit: "pulled". "The dogs had taking a liking to Joshua" edit: "taken".
His mother recognising him after all that time and physical change: needed a bit more to convince me that she would recognise him. Keep on writing and telling tales.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2018
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Hi, with the initial conversation, it could have used a better connection and sense of the setting it was taking place in. Plenty of rich story, which was cool, but could use more a bit more show than tell. Some typos like: "He pull back the hood..." Edit: "pulled". "The dogs had taking a liking to Joshua" edit: "taken".
His mother recognising him after all that time and physical change: needed a bit more to convince me that she would recognise him. Keep on writing and telling tales.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2018
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Thank you. =}
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Hi, I wanted to ask you which conversation, the one between Joshus and Valdig, Augon? or Joshua and his mother?
I don't know if you have read the whole story, but as was explained she saw him all the time, she was banished because she was considered cursed and when her child was born, he was taken from her. He never saw her, but she hid and saw him many times. He did not know she was watching him grow up so feared she wouldn't know him. He was 16 when taken to the fortress and she didn't see him for two years and he did change, but not so she wouldn't know him and he has violet eyes. She also has violet eyes. I will work on that part a bit more and if you like you can read it again one day, I know they are long and I don't want you wasting time, but may be you can read just that part.
I also have a problem where I can't see my spelling, or tense mistakes. My brain just compensates and changes it for me, so that is why I need someone to read them for me. I read this story at least 70 times before posting, put it thru spell check at least 5x, but I still didn't see them. I do appreciate you letting me know these things so I can improve as I want to be the best I can be. =}
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Hi Roxanna, I read it twice and missed the mother's explanation, apologies, I was sneaking in a few reviews at work. I liked it more the third time. You tell a good story.
The first conversation didn't seem to have a setting, I wasn't sure where they were.
On another reading spotted more things like "know" instead of "known" and so on.
It's worth the effort to fix that stuff because it can prejudice a reader or editor, and distract from your story.
Hope that makes sense and I wish you well in your writing. Remember: a professional writer is an amateur who didn't give up.
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Did you get my reply to this, it disappeared and I don't know if I sent it of it got deleted. Sorry.
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Hi, my reply to your initial reply is further down the page and separate to this. Don't know what's happening there?
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My reply should be before this...
Comment from apky
Well this chapter shows Joshua growing from strength to strength, gaining more respect and becoming the leader of his warriors. On top of it he is a great story teller and his mother Nyla has every reason to be proud of her son.
Highlights:
The fire burned low as they sat talking. Joshua went to check on Dyster and fetched more wood. He rebuilt the fire and Nyla finished preparing their supper. They ate as Joshua continued his story telling her of the Augdon and the fortress and all that had happened.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2018
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Well this chapter shows Joshua growing from strength to strength, gaining more respect and becoming the leader of his warriors. On top of it he is a great story teller and his mother Nyla has every reason to be proud of her son.
Highlights:
The fire burned low as they sat talking. Joshua went to check on Dyster and fetched more wood. He rebuilt the fire and Nyla finished preparing their supper. They ate as Joshua continued his story telling her of the Augdon and the fortress and all that had happened.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2018
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Thank you. =}
Comment from royowen
I loved the story of Joshua finding and being reunited with his mother, Nyla, he tells her of his life and progress, his girlfriend, Lyse, and she is amazed. Wonderful story, I read it sometime ago, when she was separated from him. I did find it distracting with all the mistakes however, but well done, brilliant story. Blessings, Roy
Typo : As his (confident) confidant? 2: She,(,) sitting behind him, 3: an enemy (on) a dragon...4 : Joshua fix(ed) a place for him and Dyster (to) lie down.. 5: (retrived) her bow. retrieved? 6: the snow began falling (in) (Ernest) earnest? 7 horse(,) Fader(,) 8: I am glad I had change(d) 9: Her son's eyes widen(ed) 10: I(t's) a wonder I did not see 11: She'd been abondon(ed) by her caregiver...12: and making his way (to) the cottage
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2018
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I loved the story of Joshua finding and being reunited with his mother, Nyla, he tells her of his life and progress, his girlfriend, Lyse, and she is amazed. Wonderful story, I read it sometime ago, when she was separated from him. I did find it distracting with all the mistakes however, but well done, brilliant story. Blessings, Roy
Typo : As his (confident) confidant? 2: She,(,) sitting behind him, 3: an enemy (on) a dragon...4 : Joshua fix(ed) a place for him and Dyster (to) lie down.. 5: (retrived) her bow. retrieved? 6: the snow began falling (in) (Ernest) earnest? 7 horse(,) Fader(,) 8: I am glad I had change(d) 9: Her son's eyes widen(ed) 10: I(t's) a wonder I did not see 11: She'd been abondon(ed) by her caregiver...12: and making his way (to) the cottage
Comment Written 25-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2018
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Sorry about all the boo boo. I do this every time. I'm beginning to think I am more trouble than I am worth. My brain compensates and put the word I think should be there. It's terrible. I do the same with emails, texts, reviews. I have some kind of weird brain thing. =} I am a bit weird, but I was hoping my brain wasn't, but I guess it's weird too. =} One guy just gave up on me and doesn't review me many more. Poor thing. Thanks for taking the time. I should maybe have someone prove them before I post so you won't have to do all this. Thank you again.
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Don't apologise Rox, I will fan you to help out if I can, I love your story, full of heroism, strange creatures, and principles, but brutal too. Well done
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Thank you. =}
Comment from Swampfox1
You have quite a few errors, one is at: "room, for a time, were all the warriors stayed." another one at : "Another one is at: "As the weeks past, Joshua grew", it should be "passed". Another one is: "The men listen to him and began to follow". It should be "listened" . Then, another one at : ""AlsoÃ? Cedric and My sons, Mathis and Magnus, they will train the men who wish to join us. We will not bring the Wahaland men to the fortress as they need to stay with their families."Ã? ". There are others since I could not list them all. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2018
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You have quite a few errors, one is at: "room, for a time, were all the warriors stayed." another one at : "Another one is at: "As the weeks past, Joshua grew", it should be "passed". Another one is: "The men listen to him and began to follow". It should be "listened" . Then, another one at : ""AlsoÃ? Cedric and My sons, Mathis and Magnus, they will train the men who wish to join us. We will not bring the Wahaland men to the fortress as they need to stay with their families."Ã? ". There are others since I could not list them all. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2018
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These are very common errors for me for some weird reason I just never see them no matter how many times I read it thru, which is like 100 by the time I'm done. My brain is just wired wrong I think. I am thinking perhaps writing is not my thing after all, as much as I love it, I have some kind of weird thing thing that prevents me from seeing this stuff and I know it is irritating to the reviews. One guys just gave up. Poor thing. =} The funny "A" I have no idea how they got in there, I did't put them there so word must have added them. Another weird thing, I seem to attract them. =} Thanks for taking the time, so sorry. Rox
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The funny A got there because of how we paste into the editor to post the stories. It is a clash of a sort between the softwares . If you are posting from Microsoft Word there is a special area on the Advanced editor to push or click to paste from the MSW. Also, are you using MSW? If you are you might trying the spelling and grammar tool , it might catch some of the errors. In fact, in MSW you can go into preferences and pick and choose what the software should catch or not. Wish I could help you more.
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Yes I have thought of using the grammar tool hoping it would catch more of these. Thank you, I'm grateful for the review and your willingness to point out the errors. Thank you. =}
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you're welcome
Comment from nancy_e_davis
w[h]ere all the warriors stayed
I caught that one little spag. No big deal. Lots of unwanted A's in your story. Can't you edit them out? The story continues to build. They are preparing for a battle with an evil horde. Well done Roxy. Nancy
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2018
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w[h]ere all the warriors stayed
I caught that one little spag. No big deal. Lots of unwanted A's in your story. Can't you edit them out? The story continues to build. They are preparing for a battle with an evil horde. Well done Roxy. Nancy
Comment Written 25-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2018
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I don't know how the "A's " got in there, it's so weird! I hopefully got them all and killed them. Bad "A's" =} Thanks so much for letting me know and the review. =} Rox