Paper Dolls and Toy Soldiers
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "A Driftwood Tale"selections for seal submission
16 total reviews
Comment from kathleenspalding
The ending made this poem so cool, I had to give it a 6. Very well written and arranged. Excellent use of words, colors, font, and artwork. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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The ending made this poem so cool, I had to give it a 6. Very well written and arranged. Excellent use of words, colors, font, and artwork. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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Thanks so much. Wow, the competition is brutal, but I have this review as my prize. :))
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You're welcome. And you're right, lots of very good poems (but you got my vote) :-)
Comment from Cheryl Baker
This poem is remarkably good. A free verse poem written from the perspective of a piece of driftwood. Who would have thought such a innovative poem could be written about such an object. I love the way you have presented "A Driftwood Tale". The black background emphasises the clever way in which you write. I really enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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This poem is remarkably good. A free verse poem written from the perspective of a piece of driftwood. Who would have thought such a innovative poem could be written about such an object. I love the way you have presented "A Driftwood Tale". The black background emphasises the clever way in which you write. I really enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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Thanks a million, Cheryl. The competition is tough, but your review is all the reward I need. Delighted. :)) Anon
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You're welcome.
Comment from Mary Hollingsworth
Well author this is a very mystical riding of your life and the color support the same the black background with the blue writing and the fronts are very large and Blue makes it even more mystical. And each line the way they're separated with the large lettering adds that touch of originality to this piece. Thanks for sharing.
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Well author this is a very mystical riding of your life and the color support the same the black background with the blue writing and the fronts are very large and Blue makes it even more mystical. And each line the way they're separated with the large lettering adds that touch of originality to this piece. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2018
Comment from rama devi
that's my favorite Tennyson quote. Thanks for sharing it in your notes.
Outstanding POV of a driftwood...innovative creativity!
This is very fine free verse writing! Good random rhymes and internal rhymes. Good use of spacing and formatting to sculpt cadences and highlights. Good flow. Fantastic phonetics with alliteration, consonance and assonance. Great imagery, tone and thematic overtone.
NOTES
Eloquent line and fine personification and alliteration:
a predictable panoply of time's march
Fine alliteraiton of B and assonance of O here as well as consonance of L and S:
blankets of snow, laughingly cold
riotous Springs, bright colours all bold
This spacing feels like ocean waves:
adrift on the water
wonders surrounding
horizons and setting sun
but never a shore
Good pivot here:
and now ...
laying on this beach
the waves out of reach
drying and cracking
LOVE THIS (driftwood beached is not drifting...great irony) and the alliteraiton of E is great too:
I've heard passersby
call me "driftwood"
the irony doesn't escape me
chuckles are few
for an oxymoronic existence
Enjoyed this voicing and POV that captures both internal and external landscapes:
sure, there are stars at night
and children by day
a dog or two
annoying birds
tapping at me
as though I were asleep
Absolutely standing ovation to the phenomenal and sudden AHA of mortality expressed in a masterfully delivered epiphany of extended metaphor and swift action blossoming into the AHA of insight how death is just merging into infinity, connected to all:
but what is this?
soft hands grasping me
cast into a fire
wild dancing and song surround
I'm ignited
I expand into a million parts
and rise into the universe
I'm flying ... everywhere
I see it all now
even the forest
from whence I came
REALLY WISH I HAD A SIX!
LOVED THIS!
Warmly, rd
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that's my favorite Tennyson quote. Thanks for sharing it in your notes.
Outstanding POV of a driftwood...innovative creativity!
This is very fine free verse writing! Good random rhymes and internal rhymes. Good use of spacing and formatting to sculpt cadences and highlights. Good flow. Fantastic phonetics with alliteration, consonance and assonance. Great imagery, tone and thematic overtone.
NOTES
Eloquent line and fine personification and alliteration:
a predictable panoply of time's march
Fine alliteraiton of B and assonance of O here as well as consonance of L and S:
blankets of snow, laughingly cold
riotous Springs, bright colours all bold
This spacing feels like ocean waves:
adrift on the water
wonders surrounding
horizons and setting sun
but never a shore
Good pivot here:
and now ...
laying on this beach
the waves out of reach
drying and cracking
LOVE THIS (driftwood beached is not drifting...great irony) and the alliteraiton of E is great too:
I've heard passersby
call me "driftwood"
the irony doesn't escape me
chuckles are few
for an oxymoronic existence
Enjoyed this voicing and POV that captures both internal and external landscapes:
sure, there are stars at night
and children by day
a dog or two
annoying birds
tapping at me
as though I were asleep
Absolutely standing ovation to the phenomenal and sudden AHA of mortality expressed in a masterfully delivered epiphany of extended metaphor and swift action blossoming into the AHA of insight how death is just merging into infinity, connected to all:
but what is this?
soft hands grasping me
cast into a fire
wild dancing and song surround
I'm ignited
I expand into a million parts
and rise into the universe
I'm flying ... everywhere
I see it all now
even the forest
from whence I came
REALLY WISH I HAD A SIX!
LOVED THIS!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 28-Mar-2018
Comment from Gloria ....
Bravo, poet. You've written this so convincingly I can imagine being a bit of driftwood can have a magnificent going out into the stars and the cosmos in a fashion far superseding the ordinariness of a shore, even with the regularity and stability of that existence.
Just lovely and fine entry into the contest.
Gloria
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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Bravo, poet. You've written this so convincingly I can imagine being a bit of driftwood can have a magnificent going out into the stars and the cosmos in a fashion far superseding the ordinariness of a shore, even with the regularity and stability of that existence.
Just lovely and fine entry into the contest.
Gloria
Comment Written 27-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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Aww, that's exactly what I was hoping for. I'm all smiles, Gloria. You're too generous, but I'm a fan of generosity. Thanks a million. Anon :))
Comment from Sugarray77
This is really very good. You captured the essence of the object and took it through its entire existence. I especially like your reference to Tennyson. Well done and good luck.
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This is really very good. You captured the essence of the object and took it through its entire existence. I especially like your reference to Tennyson. Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2018
Comment from BOO ghost
Awesome free flowing poem. BOO came out of closet. Pretty presentation but BOO likes your exceptional wit with the words. Knew was you by your unique signature. Six stars plus! BOO Ghost.
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Awesome free flowing poem. BOO came out of closet. Pretty presentation but BOO likes your exceptional wit with the words. Knew was you by your unique signature. Six stars plus! BOO Ghost.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2018
Comment from Leineco
Bravo!
Wonderfully written, and totally captivating!
I found myself imagining this journey...relating to
the driftwood as a conscious journaler and keen
observer of life's ironic twists and turns.
Very enjoyable read :-)
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Bravo!
Wonderfully written, and totally captivating!
I found myself imagining this journey...relating to
the driftwood as a conscious journaler and keen
observer of life's ironic twists and turns.
Very enjoyable read :-)
Comment Written 26-Mar-2018
Comment from cailinraine8
I think it is true that every experience we've had and every person we have met changes us in some minuscule way... and at the end we are the sum of our teeny parts...... I will be the driftwood on the beach with you, in dance and song around the campfire :) Very nice work!
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I think it is true that every experience we've had and every person we have met changes us in some minuscule way... and at the end we are the sum of our teeny parts...... I will be the driftwood on the beach with you, in dance and song around the campfire :) Very nice work!
Comment Written 26-Mar-2018
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 'A Different Perspective' writing prompt.
Your story of being the driftwood is clear and well told.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
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I think this is a good entry for the 'A Different Perspective' writing prompt.
Your story of being the driftwood is clear and well told.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 26-Mar-2018