The Eidolon
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Chapter 2 - Part 4: Visitation"Family heinously murdered. The question is by who?
13 total reviews
Comment from teols2016
Well, that clears up the name issue I brought up in my last review. Nice twist. You continue to excel at descriptions of people and everything around them. Once again, well done.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2017
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Well, that clears up the name issue I brought up in my last review. Nice twist. You continue to excel at descriptions of people and everything around them. Once again, well done.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning, Brett:
And so we continue with this story. I am interested to see what is going to be the decision with this boy. You have given quite an excellent and detailed discussion between this orderly and Darden. I really appreciated the conversation. This whole Part 4, is very much appreciated as it informs me of some of what I wondered about from the last reading. I am happy that you didn't seem to leaving anything out in this part. Your two characters are very credible. The story is very credible so I am intrigued. I have copied and pasted the conversation below.
Oh, and I can't wait to find out how and why Drew Larsen know Darden's whole name. He mentioned this above, interesting:
"Give me your opinion, Jeremiah," Darden began, "do you believe Drew Larsen belongs on a psyche ward?"
"Don't tell me you think he deserves the Nobel Peace Prize," Brownlee good-naturedly retorted.
"No, I don't suggest anything of that nature, my friend," Darden said, "I'm just trying to understand what makes him tick."
He sipped his piping hot coffee, then set the cup back down on the table and remarked, "He's too young to be placed in a Big Boy prison, although, unquestionably, that's where he belongs."
"He's also much too dangerous for a youth facility. So, maybe that's why he's here, because there's nowhere else to put him. Therein lies the dilemma," Brownlee chimed in.
"Do you think the boy's insane?" Darden wondered.
Brownlee crushed his Styrofoam cup like it was a cockroach inside his massive hand. He looked at the Detective and queried, "If Larsen's not insane, you tell me what else he could be."
"That's what I'm getting at, Big Man," Darden stated.
"You're the Detective, Sean. I thought you already knew the answer to that question," Brownlee commented. Then, he said, "If he's not crazy his murderous actions are."
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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Good morning, Brett:
And so we continue with this story. I am interested to see what is going to be the decision with this boy. You have given quite an excellent and detailed discussion between this orderly and Darden. I really appreciated the conversation. This whole Part 4, is very much appreciated as it informs me of some of what I wondered about from the last reading. I am happy that you didn't seem to leaving anything out in this part. Your two characters are very credible. The story is very credible so I am intrigued. I have copied and pasted the conversation below.
Oh, and I can't wait to find out how and why Drew Larsen know Darden's whole name. He mentioned this above, interesting:
"Give me your opinion, Jeremiah," Darden began, "do you believe Drew Larsen belongs on a psyche ward?"
"Don't tell me you think he deserves the Nobel Peace Prize," Brownlee good-naturedly retorted.
"No, I don't suggest anything of that nature, my friend," Darden said, "I'm just trying to understand what makes him tick."
He sipped his piping hot coffee, then set the cup back down on the table and remarked, "He's too young to be placed in a Big Boy prison, although, unquestionably, that's where he belongs."
"He's also much too dangerous for a youth facility. So, maybe that's why he's here, because there's nowhere else to put him. Therein lies the dilemma," Brownlee chimed in.
"Do you think the boy's insane?" Darden wondered.
Brownlee crushed his Styrofoam cup like it was a cockroach inside his massive hand. He looked at the Detective and queried, "If Larsen's not insane, you tell me what else he could be."
"That's what I'm getting at, Big Man," Darden stated.
"You're the Detective, Sean. I thought you already knew the answer to that question," Brownlee commented. Then, he said, "If he's not crazy his murderous actions are."
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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Trying to pen this story as realistically as I can.
Glad you are enjoying it, and appreciate your comments.
Comment from country ranch writer
There is something about this kid that just isn't up to par it is something that was said by someone one else who was involved in this case that has yet to come to light.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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There is something about this kid that just isn't up to par it is something that was said by someone one else who was involved in this case that has yet to come to light.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of chapter one.
Your comments and support appreciated.
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Smiles
Comment from Rasmine
Good chapter. It's getting intriguing. Sort of like Michael Myers and Hannibal Electa combined. :D You write really well. I'm glad you keep the chapters short.
Take care,
Nome
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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Good chapter. It's getting intriguing. Sort of like Michael Myers and Hannibal Electa combined. :D You write really well. I'm glad you keep the chapters short.
Take care,
Nome
Comment Written 21-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Chapter One.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from Spitfire
Wonderful use of dialogue to carry the story forward and define the detective's character.
As for the first paragraph, second sentence, I suggest a change:
In the oversized room, notes filled a bulletin board with news of upcoming events in the facility.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Wonderful use of dialogue to carry the story forward and define the detective's character.
As for the first paragraph, second sentence, I suggest a change:
In the oversized room, notes filled a bulletin board with news of upcoming events in the facility.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Chapter One.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from pome lover
Vending machines full of snacks and sodas lined three walls of the hospital visitors' lounge. The oversized room had few a Formica tables and chairs, but could have used more. A bulletin board on the fourth wall was covered with colored thumbtacks, securing hospital announcements and schedules--even a couple of doctor jokes someone had cut from magazines.
Brett, I think making the room more personal is more important than the kind of table and chairs. You might even say something like the smell of coffee in the large coffeemaker on a table under the bulletin board, or a sticky table top probably from somebody's kids. just a suggestion - not so formal.
good chapter.
Katharine - pome lover
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Vending machines full of snacks and sodas lined three walls of the hospital visitors' lounge. The oversized room had few a Formica tables and chairs, but could have used more. A bulletin board on the fourth wall was covered with colored thumbtacks, securing hospital announcements and schedules--even a couple of doctor jokes someone had cut from magazines.
Brett, I think making the room more personal is more important than the kind of table and chairs. You might even say something like the smell of coffee in the large coffeemaker on a table under the bulletin board, or a sticky table top probably from somebody's kids. just a suggestion - not so formal.
good chapter.
Katharine - pome lover
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Chapter One.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Also, appreciate the input about the paragraph I inquired about.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I don't understand what about the paragraph you want to change? The way it is stated, seems clear. Very well written and another mystery to solve
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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I don't understand what about the paragraph you want to change? The way it is stated, seems clear. Very well written and another mystery to solve
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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It just did not feel strong enough to me for some reason.
Had a lot of good suggestions, but in the end, decided to leave well enough alone.
Glad you enjoyed this portion of Chapter One.
As always, appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from doggymad
This was an interesting look at Brownlee and his observations of Drew and his behaviour. It raise the question of insanity versus mental illness.
I think this is going to be a roller coaster of a book
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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This was an interesting look at Brownlee and his observations of Drew and his behaviour. It raise the question of insanity versus mental illness.
I think this is going to be a roller coaster of a book
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Chapter One.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Well if you want votes, I vote "Yes!" Absolutely he is insane! No one could do the things he did if they were in their right mind. He is a danger to society and he needs to be locked up forever. BUT! I think he needs to be in prison, not where a bunch of doctors might set him free. Nancy
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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Well if you want votes, I vote "Yes!" Absolutely he is insane! No one could do the things he did if they were in their right mind. He is a danger to society and he needs to be locked up forever. BUT! I think he needs to be in prison, not where a bunch of doctors might set him free. Nancy
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Chapter One.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from Sankey
Great chapter mate. Suggestion for first paragraph follows...The visitors' lounge located on the third floor of the hospital was setup with a row of vending machines. On offer was a variety of snacks and sodas. The area was quite large, resplendant with a giant bulletin board full of notes pertaining to occurrences around the facility. Six black-legged tables with checkerboard Formica tops, and several folding chairs crowded around each of the tables, provided seating for guests.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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Great chapter mate. Suggestion for first paragraph follows...The visitors' lounge located on the third floor of the hospital was setup with a row of vending machines. On offer was a variety of snacks and sodas. The area was quite large, resplendant with a giant bulletin board full of notes pertaining to occurrences around the facility. Six black-legged tables with checkerboard Formica tops, and several folding chairs crowded around each of the tables, provided seating for guests.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of Chapter One.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review. Also, appreciate the recommendation.