Sleepy mountains rise
haiku contest13 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Lovely phonetics with all the S sounds. Lovely imagery. Lovely presentation. However, it fails to meet one requirement of haiku, which is that the first two lines should be grammatically linked. This currently reads like separate sentences. If you trim THE you can use the extra syllable to generate enjambment to link lines one and two.
Also, haiku does not use caps except on proper nouns. If you want a pause effect before line two, you might use an indent.
Example edit:
sleepy mountains rise
as golden prisms streak sky
a new day is born
Lovely work.
Since the FS contest is lax on rules and doesn't list them fully, I am not deducting a star, but felt you might like to know that haiku, traditionally, has way more rules than FS posts in the description. Let me know if you want to know more.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
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Lovely phonetics with all the S sounds. Lovely imagery. Lovely presentation. However, it fails to meet one requirement of haiku, which is that the first two lines should be grammatically linked. This currently reads like separate sentences. If you trim THE you can use the extra syllable to generate enjambment to link lines one and two.
Also, haiku does not use caps except on proper nouns. If you want a pause effect before line two, you might use an indent.
Example edit:
sleepy mountains rise
as golden prisms streak sky
a new day is born
Lovely work.
Since the FS contest is lax on rules and doesn't list them fully, I am not deducting a star, but felt you might like to know that haiku, traditionally, has way more rules than FS posts in the description. Let me know if you want to know more.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 06-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
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Thank you , I appreciate your instructive comments.
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Happy to help! :-))
Comment from l.raven
Hi Carolyn, my favorite times of the day are sunrise...and sundown...the colors of the sky are amazing...I love your poem sweet girl...and love your picture...stunning...very nicely written...so good to see you...love you...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Hi Carolyn, my favorite times of the day are sunrise...and sundown...the colors of the sky are amazing...I love your poem sweet girl...and love your picture...stunning...very nicely written...so good to see you...love you...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Thank you dear Linda.. I am so glad you like the poem.. Nothing like Nature.. Good to see you too. 💕 Carolyn
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your so right...and your so welcome...xxoo love ya
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Oh yes my friend this is well written and beautiful you describe the sunrise with very good descriptive imagery good luck in the contest regards Jill
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Oh yes my friend this is well written and beautiful you describe the sunrise with very good descriptive imagery good luck in the contest regards Jill
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thank you Jill, I appreciate your kind words and validation of quality
:-) Carolyn
Comment from fastdigits
A Haiku that paints with words this picture conjured up by the mind of the start of a day where mountains rise out of the shadows of the night as the golden rays of the sun herald in the start of a new day.
Well done and good luck
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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A Haiku that paints with words this picture conjured up by the mind of the start of a day where mountains rise out of the shadows of the night as the golden rays of the sun herald in the start of a new day.
Well done and good luck
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thank you so very much for your kind words of encouragement.
:-) Carolyn
Comment from royowen
Hi, Caroline, a superb piece of artwork
enlivens this great entry in this haiku contest,
the satori not bad either,
an unusual poetic form for you,
but a lovely one of course,
well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Hi, Caroline, a superb piece of artwork
enlivens this great entry in this haiku contest,
the satori not bad either,
an unusual poetic form for you,
but a lovely one of course,
well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Hi Roy,
I am entering each contest with a new form. Even though it would be nice to
win , I look at it more for the subject matter it provides ,as inspiration on my
own has been lacking for a while. I study the form and then write to it.
Your comments are so appreciated as it has been awhile since I did Haiku.
I love its simplicity and ability to draw on vivid imaginations, thus painting the
picture with words.
take care my friend,
Love and thank you,
:-) Carolyn
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Great idea dear Carolyn.
Comment from MizKat
This is another nice thing you have written for the contest.
It was short and sweet and wonderful to read.
Thanks for writing about "Sleeping Mountains Wake.
I enjoyed reading it very much.
Kat
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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This is another nice thing you have written for the contest.
It was short and sweet and wonderful to read.
Thanks for writing about "Sleeping Mountains Wake.
I enjoyed reading it very much.
Kat
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thanks Kat,
I love you for being such a loyal and true fan. I always appreciate your fine
comments.
:-) Carolyn
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You're very welcome Carolyn. I love the things you've written. Kat
Comment from patcelaw
This is wonderfully written and presented beautifully. The photo is breathtaking. Many blessings for a wonderful week. Patricia
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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This is wonderfully written and presented beautifully. The photo is breathtaking. Many blessings for a wonderful week. Patricia
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Patricia, thank you for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate your thoughts and
generous rating as well.
:-) Carolyn
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks sleepy mountains rise, the fire and lava came out of the mountains mouths and after days surroundings came cool, a new day born, fresh and shining; I liked.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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This speaks sleepy mountains rise, the fire and lava came out of the mountains mouths and after days surroundings came cool, a new day born, fresh and shining; I liked.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thank you, I appreciate your kind comments and generous rating as well.
Please stop by anytime.
:-) Carolyn
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written haiku about the sunrise over the sleepy mountains. The artwork is an excellent choice to complement the haiku. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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A very well-written haiku about the sunrise over the sleepy mountains. The artwork is an excellent choice to complement the haiku. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thank you, Sandra
Your kind comments are always appreciated. And I too thought the
artwork was lovely. I selected it from fanart.
:-) Carolyn
Comment from marybell1
I enjoyed reading your 5-7-5 Haiku. (To me the only haiku). You followed all the rules for this genre and I liked your choice of picture. Your haiku and picture showe that you appreciate nature.
All the best.
Marybell1
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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I enjoyed reading your 5-7-5 Haiku. (To me the only haiku). You followed all the rules for this genre and I liked your choice of picture. Your haiku and picture showe that you appreciate nature.
All the best.
Marybell1
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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I appreciate all the kind words and evaluation of this Haiku.
they are such fun to write.. thank you, and please stop in anytime marybell1.
:-) Carolyn
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You are most welcome.
Marybell1.
