Betrayal
Yeah, it happens.20 total reviews
Comment from IndianaIrish
It's the internal Rhymes of this poem that makes it such a delight to read, rut. It has a musical flow that made me want to read it out loud. Written with all the great poetic devices of a talented poet.
Smiles,
Indy :-)
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
  |
It's the internal Rhymes of this poem that makes it such a delight to read, rut. It has a musical flow that made me want to read it out loud. Written with all the great poetic devices of a talented poet.
Smiles,
Indy :-)
Comment Written 12-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
-
Thanks Indie!
Curt
Comment from gsuarez
Betrayal never comes from an enemy; a lesson that can be learned from this very well written piece. The rhyme and rhythm made it a pleasure to read.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
|
Betrayal never comes from an enemy; a lesson that can be learned from this very well written piece. The rhyme and rhythm made it a pleasure to read.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
-
Thank you,
Curt
Comment from lyenochka
So well expressed. The grief and pain of betrayal of a covenant so deep as marriage can hurt for a long time. I like that you start with current state of the soul like coal and then tell what happened and then end with a positive memory of love and the honest expression of grief.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
|
So well expressed. The grief and pain of betrayal of a covenant so deep as marriage can hurt for a long time. I like that you start with current state of the soul like coal and then tell what happened and then end with a positive memory of love and the honest expression of grief.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
-
Thank you so much,
Curt
Comment from sharonlshelley
very good poem of love and betrayal i enjoyed the read i really love the picture a true reflection on the poem, thanks for sharing your work with us, sharon
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2017
|
very good poem of love and betrayal i enjoyed the read i really love the picture a true reflection on the poem, thanks for sharing your work with us, sharon
Comment Written 09-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2017
-
Thank you Sharon,
Curt
Comment from Sasha
I cannot begin to tell you how beautifully written and powerful this poem is. The pain you express in this us awesome and the emotional imagery you convey is heart-wrenching. Superb work with this and most definitely worthy of 6 stars.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
 |
I cannot begin to tell you how beautifully written and powerful this poem is. The pain you express in this us awesome and the emotional imagery you convey is heart-wrenching. Superb work with this and most definitely worthy of 6 stars.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
Hi Smurph, if you're the same SmurgirlI remember!
Your rating is awesome to me, but knowing I could reach you at some level with my work is all I, or any poet really wants, and you have made an old man very happy this day.
Thank you,
Curt
Comment from nancy_e_davis
You will be my muse now that you are back. You inspire me Curt. I have been dipping into a dry well lately, but your
poetry may be the key I need to get me writing again.
This is wonderful and I am getting back on track and Yes,
I am a fan. This is wonderful. Nancy
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
|
You will be my muse now that you are back. You inspire me Curt. I have been dipping into a dry well lately, but your
poetry may be the key I need to get me writing again.
This is wonderful and I am getting back on track and Yes,
I am a fan. This is wonderful. Nancy
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
Nancy,
Your words are a balm for this old poet's soul, and your gift of stars is icing on the cake. If I can inspire you, then what else can one want? Ok, maybe a publishing deal. :)
Always,
Curt
-
I am posting today. See I told you I was inspired. Nancy
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This is an impressive poem, albeit so sad -
the rhythm and rhyme flowing well, particularly the internal rhyme -
betrayal - it happens to the best of us, but time is a healer.
A strong, emotional write, Curt, expressing your emotions
Stay strong, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
|
This is an impressive poem, albeit so sad -
the rhythm and rhyme flowing well, particularly the internal rhyme -
betrayal - it happens to the best of us, but time is a healer.
A strong, emotional write, Curt, expressing your emotions
Stay strong, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
Thank you Margaret,
The healing is now complete, as forgiveness trumps pain.
I learned to forgive and let go (thankfully) and now I try to remember the good times, and focus on that instead.
Always,
Curt
Comment from rama devi
Poignant content, expressive emotional charge, outstanding musicality in rhyme and flow and imaginative similes all make this an awesome poem. Love all those internal rhymes! None of them sound forced. Some are quite creative. I especially applaud this stanza read aloud:
Suspended by a rope that held my hope up in the air,
I thought she walked on water 'til I caught her unaware,
the chains of cheating slapped me then entrapped me in the dark,
as truth burned mean like gasoline touched by a tarnished spark.
And these lines convey poignant import:
So now I am alone, a lonely stone tossed out by life,
although I'll never hate the one that I once called my wife.
She loved me then, and that's a memory I'll try to keep,
a few minor suggestions:
*independent clause, so I recommend a comma before coordinating conjunction here:
I dared believe(,) and now I grieve again, the odd man out.
and here:
yet like an open book, it took one look(,) and then I knew.
*suggest:
but sometimes(,) late at night and out of sight, these eyes still weep.
Dramatic artwork and presentation suit the poem's tone and tenor well.
Lots of fine phonetics with poetic devices (will not list them all but let the sixth star speak for itself).
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
|
Poignant content, expressive emotional charge, outstanding musicality in rhyme and flow and imaginative similes all make this an awesome poem. Love all those internal rhymes! None of them sound forced. Some are quite creative. I especially applaud this stanza read aloud:
Suspended by a rope that held my hope up in the air,
I thought she walked on water 'til I caught her unaware,
the chains of cheating slapped me then entrapped me in the dark,
as truth burned mean like gasoline touched by a tarnished spark.
And these lines convey poignant import:
So now I am alone, a lonely stone tossed out by life,
although I'll never hate the one that I once called my wife.
She loved me then, and that's a memory I'll try to keep,
a few minor suggestions:
*independent clause, so I recommend a comma before coordinating conjunction here:
I dared believe(,) and now I grieve again, the odd man out.
and here:
yet like an open book, it took one look(,) and then I knew.
*suggest:
but sometimes(,) late at night and out of sight, these eyes still weep.
Dramatic artwork and presentation suit the poem's tone and tenor well.
Lots of fine phonetics with poetic devices (will not list them all but let the sixth star speak for itself).
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
Ok, third time, 'cause for some reason, my PC keeps switching pages on me and deleting my replies.
Anyway, thank you for your gift of stars, rama, esp. knowing that you do not give them out lightly.
Revisions are in, and your help and thoughts are always truly appreciated. I have true respect for about 5 people on this site, and you are one of them.
I am honored,
Curt
-
Wow, thanks for your gracious comments, my friend. Feeling is mutual! :-))))) Warmly, rd
Comment from NadineM
This is a really powerful poem. The sadness, and pains left by betrayal is expressed so well, so vividly in your words. I'm sorry that this happened to you and that you're feeling this way. How awful... and yet, the blessing in being able to write about it... like purging the soul, I often say. Good rhyming and rhythm in this poem. Thanks for sharing this with me... wishing you well in your heart's healing.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
|
This is a really powerful poem. The sadness, and pains left by betrayal is expressed so well, so vividly in your words. I'm sorry that this happened to you and that you're feeling this way. How awful... and yet, the blessing in being able to write about it... like purging the soul, I often say. Good rhyming and rhythm in this poem. Thanks for sharing this with me... wishing you well in your heart's healing.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
Thank you Nadine,
Curt
Comment from Hitcher
The pain of betrayal by the one you love, that will leave a bitter taste in your mouth for awhile friend. A refined write mate, I loved your use of internal rhyme throughout the poem. You were always a master when it came to rhyme, I remember you Ves beaucoup competitions, very challenging but when you got it right;;; few did, they were very rewarding.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
|
The pain of betrayal by the one you love, that will leave a bitter taste in your mouth for awhile friend. A refined write mate, I loved your use of internal rhyme throughout the poem. You were always a master when it came to rhyme, I remember you Ves beaucoup competitions, very challenging but when you got it right;;; few did, they were very rewarding.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2017
-
Aw shucks Hitch, you got me all blushing over here! :)
I may have to start another Vers Beaucoup contest, since you won the last one, I expect nothing less than that from you.
(No pressure)
Thanks again my friend,
Curt