Reviews from

At Work

Heat changes nothing

15 total reviews 
Comment from royowen
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I loved the twist at the end, it took me completely by surprise, the sheer passionate narrative, gave off a different aroma to the conclusion. An excellent entry in this 100 word dash contest, good luck, wel done, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 23-May-2017


reply by the author on 24-May-2017
    Thank you so much for your review. Much appreciated : )
reply by royowen on 24-May-2017
    Most welcome
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A romantic and erotic interlude here in an improtu kiss between strangers who are both consenting, a perfect 100 word dash entry! I wish you luck, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 23-May-2017


reply by the author on 23-May-2017
    Thank you so much for your review. It is much appreciated : )
Comment from hvysmker
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Brings back fond memories, Kazzawin.
I have problems with Flash fiction. Guess I'm too verbal. Just now, I tried to put down a 100 word one to match yours and ended up with almost 300 words. I just can't do it, he-he. Anyway, here it is:

After paying the taxi driver, I turned to visually scan a dreary dark street. Although the only businesses open were a McD's and porno outlets, the merchandise stood out under harsh halogen streetlights. So, this was the local "stroll"?

Honolulu by night did, on first look, resemble Paris. Maybe it was the warm heavy atmosphere, or the heat of anticipation hardly broken by a uniformed patrolman sneaking a smoke in a recessed doorway? Safety for the girls were a priority.

Available ladies were a necessity for a convention city, drawing in vacationing men such as myself. After dark, sin sells better than bibles, tastier than burgers.

Lighting my own Marlboro, I moved against a picture window to let a clot of older men wearing Aloha shirts and white shoes squeeze by, rough, randy, and ready. Sober, myself, I was randy and ready, though feeling sentimental rather than rough. Sampling well-used wares seemed preferable to sitting alone in a hotel room watching a boob tube. The relative warmth of real boobs sure as hell beat electronic substitutes.

Directly across the street, a small black girl talked to a large white man, him three times her weight. He seemed insistent while she shook her head. I could image what went through both their heads. He'd feel safe with such a tiny paramour, much different than a chubby middle-aged wife, while she'd think of her vulnerability, not to mention his huge weight on lying on her chest.

Finally, several things happened, almost simultaneously. A dark hand drifted over to grab her crotch, he bent down to kiss her on the lips, and another cop came out of nowhere to chastise them both. No touching was allowed on the street. In private was their business, and face-kissing cost extra.

Charlie

 Comment Written 22-May-2017


reply by the author on 22-May-2017
    You see, you have set the scene with detail.....flash fiction doesn't allow you that luxury.
    Good story anyway, and of course you've relayed the whole point about the 'kissing'.
    Thank you so very much for the 6 twinkly stars.......it was generous and kind and I truly appreciate them : )
Comment from giraffmang
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there,

I think this is one of the best entries for this competition I've read so far. On point, no flabbiness and you manage to set a good scene and get the story told in the allotted word span.

nicely done
GMG

 Comment Written 22-May-2017


reply by the author on 22-May-2017
    Thank you so much for your encouraging review. Always appreciated : )
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is an interesting story.
It makes me wonder if the character is a prostitute or if a couple is role playing.
Nice artwork: The image shown supports the story.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Thanks for sharing your 100 Word Dash.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-

 Comment Written 21-May-2017


reply by the author on 22-May-2017
    Many thanks for your kind review. Always appreciated : )
Comment from papa55mike
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is the sexiest one of these entries I've read today. This is wonderfully written with a great twist at the end. Fun will be had by all! I love these 100 word dashes, very interesting.

Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike

 Comment Written 21-May-2017


reply by the author on 21-May-2017
    Haha...thank you for such a great review. It is very much appreciated : )
Comment from Bill Schott
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This one-hundred-word story about a first kiss, At Work, starts out with an indefinite gender for our narrator and leads us to what seems like a pole or lap dancer. Funny and hot.

 Comment Written 20-May-2017


reply by the author on 20-May-2017
    Thank you so much for your review. Very much appreciated : )
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A very well-written dash fiction about a kiss. After a longhot and sweaty day. A stranger with good looks and blue eyes appears from nowhere and kiss the author and claims for an extra 20.

 Comment Written 20-May-2017


reply by the author on 20-May-2017
    Thank you so much for your review. Very much appreciated : )
Comment from BeasPeas
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You've done a great job with this short write. Amazing that kissing (the least part of the encounter) costs an extra 20. The incongruity brought a smile. Marilyn

 Comment Written 20-May-2017


reply by the author on 20-May-2017
    During my many journeys through literature I've picked up that those who work the streets rarely allow kissing. Because of its personal nature it is usually reserved for their 'personal' relationships. That's what I've read anyway!!!
    Thank you for reading and your kind words, they are very much appreciated : )
reply by BeasPeas on 20-May-2017
    I've heard that, too.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hello, Kazzawin.
Nice photo art to get the ball rollin' here so to speak.
Is there something wrong with hazel or green eyes?
The only reason I ask is because almost every story I've read involved in this contest, the "mysterious other" has had 'piercing blue eyes.'
Not green, nor hazel (although one was chocolate brown)...just blue.
As for me, I prefer red heads with gorgeous green eyes myself.
Just sayin'...

Ah, so she was a lady of the night.
I gotta admit, I didn't see that comin'.
I'd hoped he was some modern-day version of jack the Ripper.
Oh well, you can't have everything.
Good story, in all seriousness, with a nice twist at the climax.
No pun intended...
Good luck in the contest, Kazzawin.
~Dean

 Comment Written 20-May-2017


reply by the author on 20-May-2017
    Haha.......yes, the wicked in me couldn't resist making it a little less slushy!
    Not that there is anything wrong with that but it's good to ring the changes.
    Thank you Sir for a great review.....and there is nothing wrong with green, brown or yellow eyes!! Just thought blue would be more striking in the dusk : )
reply by Dean Kuch on 20-May-2017
    You...and everyone else, lol.
    And, please, don't call me "sir".
    Dean is fine.
    It makes me feel rather...antediluvian, heh-heh...
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reply by Dean Kuch on 20-May-2017
    Oh, by the way, I hope my vote helps.
    You're tied for third with 3 votes as of now...
    Good luck!
    ~Dean
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
    Bless you.....you are most kind. Getting one vote is great, I'm glad I'm doing better than the last contest I entered.
    Many thanks : )
reply by Dean Kuch on 20-May-2017
    You bet.
    I read all of the entries--every one.
    I felt yours was the best by far.
reply by the author on 20-May-2017
    Thanks so much.....I am greatly encouraged : )
reply by Dean Kuch on 20-May-2017
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