2017 JAPANESE POETRY
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Renga (After harvest)"A collection of Japanese poetry
27 total reviews
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This is an excellent collaborative renga. The message is clear that you intended to tell a story between the two of you and you have conveyed it clearly. I enjoyed it and your notes, Gypsy. Giddy
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
  |
This is an excellent collaborative renga. The message is clear that you intended to tell a story between the two of you and you have conveyed it clearly. I enjoyed it and your notes, Gypsy. Giddy
Comment Written 11-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
-
Thank you very much, my friend. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work.
Gypsy
Comment from bookishfabler
Now I watch a lot of ID Channel and my favorite is Deadly Women. This is usually backwards, the woman poisoning the man. Interesting turn. Well written
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
|
Now I watch a lot of ID Channel and my favorite is Deadly Women. This is usually backwards, the woman poisoning the man. Interesting turn. Well written
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 11-May-2017
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
-
Hello, the mother was very unhappy because her husband was molesting her daughters so she committed suicide but did it in a way that he will be killed and he will stop abusing the girls. She left a letter for the girls letting them know the stew was poisoned. The girls hid her body.
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing our tanka/story in a poem.
Gypsy Blue Rose
Fanstory Instructor
Member of Haiku Society of America
Haiku 101 in June
Comment from frierajac
This is about a mother who poisons the dinner so her children will be saved and it backfires? And it is interesting that it seems to say that she was a poisoner and she knew it. On the other hand, perhaps someone else poisoned her, and she tasted before anyone else in the family, and was the victim. Maybe she was a bad cook.
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
|
This is about a mother who poisons the dinner so her children will be saved and it backfires? And it is interesting that it seems to say that she was a poisoner and she knew it. On the other hand, perhaps someone else poisoned her, and she tasted before anyone else in the family, and was the victim. Maybe she was a bad cook.
Comment Written 11-May-2017
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
-
Hello, the mother was very unhappy because her husband was molesting her daughters so she committed suicide but did it in a way that he will be killed and he will stop abusing the girls. She left a letter for the girls letting them know the stew was poisoned. The girls hid her body.
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing our tanka/story in a poem.
Gypsy Blue Rose
Fanstory Instructor
Member of Haiku Society of America
Haiku 101 in June
-
Thanks for the explanation.
Comment from judiverse
What a terrible scenario. It sounds as if the father was someone to be feared. It is always so sad to read stories of domestic abuse. Mom did what she could to protect her family. Very compelling story. I am leaving FS as of May 15, so I want to take this opportunity to wish you all the best. May the writing force be with you. judi
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
|
What a terrible scenario. It sounds as if the father was someone to be feared. It is always so sad to read stories of domestic abuse. Mom did what she could to protect her family. Very compelling story. I am leaving FS as of May 15, so I want to take this opportunity to wish you all the best. May the writing force be with you. judi
Comment Written 10-May-2017
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
-
Oh no... are you sure? I am going to miss you. I wish you the best and may the force be with you too. Thank you very much for reading my poem. Your kindness is appreciated, my friend.
Gypsy
-
I've been thinking about leaving for several months, and finally got up the will to do it. Best of luck with your writing endeavors. judi
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this well written my friend it is a poem full of emotion and reads very well a strong dark poem well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
|
Yes this well written my friend it is a poem full of emotion and reads very well a strong dark poem well done regards Jill
Comment Written 10-May-2017
reply by the author on 10-May-2017
-
Thank you very much for reading my poem. Your kindness is appreciated, my friend.
Gypsy
Comment from lalajovanoski
I really enjoyed this poem and think that it is full of good imagery and also a lot of emotions. I am not familiar with this type of format, but I think it is a good one.
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
|
I really enjoyed this poem and think that it is full of good imagery and also a lot of emotions. I am not familiar with this type of format, but I think it is a good one.
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
-
Thank you very much for the review.
Gypsy
Comment from MizKat
Hi Gypsy,
This another nice poem that you've written. You are wonderful at writing
them. I always look forward to reading them too.
Kat
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
|
Hi Gypsy,
This another nice poem that you've written. You are wonderful at writing
them. I always look forward to reading them too.
Kat
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
-
I appreciate your review and kind words.
Gypsy
-
Thanks Gypsy. Kat
Comment from Bill Schott
This renga, After Harvest, tells a sorrowful tale of betrayal and revenge that also touches on child and spousal abuse. Three tankas loaded with the potent phrases that serve us a portion of bitter stew. Nice.
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
|
This renga, After Harvest, tells a sorrowful tale of betrayal and revenge that also touches on child and spousal abuse. Three tankas loaded with the potent phrases that serve us a portion of bitter stew. Nice.
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
-
Thank you for the review.
Gypsy
Comment from Thomas Bowling
The truth was too harsh...
arsenic in the warm stew
mixing with his betrayal.
A bitter end you might say.
Excellent.
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
|
The truth was too harsh...
arsenic in the warm stew
mixing with his betrayal.
A bitter end you might say.
Excellent.
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
-
It's not the end. This is a type of collaborative writing. I write three lines and Hitcher follows with two. It goes on and on. We don't know where it's going. It's a lot of fun.
Thank you for the review.
Gypsy
Comment from Ric Myworld
A renga is a new form for me, but I must say I like it. Every line in this fine poem gives twisting jolts of sharp pain in the gut, capped off by the betrayal. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
|
A renga is a new form for me, but I must say I like it. Every line in this fine poem gives twisting jolts of sharp pain in the gut, capped off by the betrayal. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
-
Thank you for the review, Ric. :)
Gypsy