Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Hard Truths"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
25 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Cowgirl.
I thought I'd pop in and do a couple reads while you are out painting the town red. Oops sorry... hope it went well.
"He sent me with a sharp digging stone. He says they were quite popular in caveman days." (Well, good to see my time gets a mention. We actually used digging sticks, but that's just academic lol. )
"Ha, ha! Good idea. Hop on in here. It's nearly finished." ( I think they should build a "humpy" instead. It takes a heck of a lot less energy and is nowhere near as dangerous.)
"What was it like growing up in a normal world?" Ayala asked." (Who knows!)
"Is that your own apartment?" he asked." (lol.)
"Do we look more like animals to you?" (Well, apart from the elongated noses, not really! lol.
"What will your world do if it's born with paws and a snout?" (Hahahaha! Probably send it to a pound.)
Very well written, sis. Nothing to report that jumped out at me.
Quality work once again.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 14-May-2017
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G'day Cowgirl.
I thought I'd pop in and do a couple reads while you are out painting the town red. Oops sorry... hope it went well.
"He sent me with a sharp digging stone. He says they were quite popular in caveman days." (Well, good to see my time gets a mention. We actually used digging sticks, but that's just academic lol. )
"Ha, ha! Good idea. Hop on in here. It's nearly finished." ( I think they should build a "humpy" instead. It takes a heck of a lot less energy and is nowhere near as dangerous.)
"What was it like growing up in a normal world?" Ayala asked." (Who knows!)
"Is that your own apartment?" he asked." (lol.)
"Do we look more like animals to you?" (Well, apart from the elongated noses, not really! lol.
"What will your world do if it's born with paws and a snout?" (Hahahaha! Probably send it to a pound.)
Very well written, sis. Nothing to report that jumped out at me.
Quality work once again.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 05-May-2017
reply by the author on 14-May-2017
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I'm glad you told me about the digging sticks. I'll put that in the final copy. Very helpful, and I can even give a nod to your people in this section. I'll get more info on how to make the reference later.
Your input and rating are invaluable, my friend!! Glad to see you posted another chapter!!
Take care, my friend
Rhonda
Comment from w.j.debi
A nice contemplative chapter with some great interaction between Ayala and Archie. It is good to see they can get along with each other. For now they just have to concentrate on staying safe and free, but you raise interesting questions about what the future may hold. Excellent use of dialog to move the story forward and give it more depth.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2017
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A nice contemplative chapter with some great interaction between Ayala and Archie. It is good to see they can get along with each other. For now they just have to concentrate on staying safe and free, but you raise interesting questions about what the future may hold. Excellent use of dialog to move the story forward and give it more depth.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2017
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Thank you for reading and commenting. It was a sort of "take a deep breath" chapter... a pause in action to develop characters and relationships.
I appreciate the review,
Rhonda
Comment from Thomas Bowling
I usually don't read fantasy fiction, but this promises to be interesting. I will try to follow the story. Your writing style is superb.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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I usually don't read fantasy fiction, but this promises to be interesting. I will try to follow the story. Your writing style is superb.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Thomas! I appreciate you taking the time to read and review!
Comment from rspoet
Hello Rhonda,
Another excellent chapter.
Overhanging everything, of course, is the dilemma, the conundrum
No matter what anyone may say, those of Hokee are different,
altered, with consequences unknown, possibly for the best,
but most would doubt it.
If you believe in divine creation, then man toying with what omnipotence created
is not a positive thing.
If you believe in evolution over millions of years,
man is unlikely to make improvements.
Especially these men (it seems to be men in control).
Excellent dialogue that adds some "humanity to the project"
hows that for a catchy phrase?
The digging always seemed a weak spot to me
especially the depth. To move that much sand
with one small shovel and not have it noticeable
requires a bit of acceptance.
Overall, very well done, my friend
It will be interesting to see how this all resolves
and remains believable.
"They would never be the same again."
and neither will we.
Six buckets of sand, to go with the six stars.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Hello Rhonda,
Another excellent chapter.
Overhanging everything, of course, is the dilemma, the conundrum
No matter what anyone may say, those of Hokee are different,
altered, with consequences unknown, possibly for the best,
but most would doubt it.
If you believe in divine creation, then man toying with what omnipotence created
is not a positive thing.
If you believe in evolution over millions of years,
man is unlikely to make improvements.
Especially these men (it seems to be men in control).
Excellent dialogue that adds some "humanity to the project"
hows that for a catchy phrase?
The digging always seemed a weak spot to me
especially the depth. To move that much sand
with one small shovel and not have it noticeable
requires a bit of acceptance.
Overall, very well done, my friend
It will be interesting to see how this all resolves
and remains believable.
"They would never be the same again."
and neither will we.
Six buckets of sand, to go with the six stars.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the wonderful review, and most welcome six stars!
The dirt cave was an idea of a survival expert, but they weren't planning to hide, just survive. I'll probably have to find another shelter that'll make more sense for this situation. It seems a lot of work for one day's rest.
Love the catchy phrase. I should use it myself. haha.
You are so right about the people trying to mess with thousands of years of evolution/divine planning. They'll find they aren't as clever as they thought.
Problem, as you say, is the experiment has been launched, and damage done.
Again, much thanks. Keep me on my toes, my friend!!
Rhonda
Comment from emptypage
The banter between Archie and Ayala is good, very natural and unforced.
Could the baby be born with a snout, really? That is worrisome and will not do Ayala any good accepting herself.
Looking forward to the next round.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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The banter between Archie and Ayala is good, very natural and unforced.
Could the baby be born with a snout, really? That is worrisome and will not do Ayala any good accepting herself.
Looking forward to the next round.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Ayala is taking her fears to the extreme, but has a good point about acceptance with mainstream society. If it doesn't look like everyone else, what will people do?
Thank you for the wonderful review! And I'm not telling on the baby, but we'll see its appearance before the end of the book!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Rhonda, this is worth more than a six. You know that I have a penchant for dialogue in your stories. You tease me with just enough about Ayala and Archie. Those two seem to becoming closer each moment of each day. I like when he said, "I'll be right there beside you. I promise I won't let you face my people alone!" That is a huge statement from him to her. Archie touched her, she shrugged but didn't move away. For me that is so encouraging. Archie and Ayala, whoa!!
Rhonda, I love this chapter. If I get my printer to work, I'm printing this one out for sure.
You take care and have a great week my friend.
Always
Jim
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Rhonda, this is worth more than a six. You know that I have a penchant for dialogue in your stories. You tease me with just enough about Ayala and Archie. Those two seem to becoming closer each moment of each day. I like when he said, "I'll be right there beside you. I promise I won't let you face my people alone!" That is a huge statement from him to her. Archie touched her, she shrugged but didn't move away. For me that is so encouraging. Archie and Ayala, whoa!!
Rhonda, I love this chapter. If I get my printer to work, I'm printing this one out for sure.
You take care and have a great week my friend.
Always
Jim
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Awww, Jim, that is so sweet! You have truly touched me. To be honest, I thought about you with that line. She's getting a little closer, but is afraid to give her heart when she isn't sure about herself, or what Archie really thinks about her. But, still, there is hope for them, my friend!!
Thank you for being such a wonderful support.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. Sorry I didn't review this chapter sooner. We are in the process of evicting a rotten renter from one of our houses and it can get time-consuming. I enjoyed this chapter as much as the others and will continue reading.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Excellent. Sorry I didn't review this chapter sooner. We are in the process of evicting a rotten renter from one of our houses and it can get time-consuming. I enjoyed this chapter as much as the others and will continue reading.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much, my friend. I've been so busy I haven't been able to answer my reviews, either. I had my 5 year old grandson here for the weekend.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with the nightmare renter. That's one thing I'm not sure I could handle.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, this is a great, with a lot of dialogue which you write so well. Not much else is happening though. I would have liked to see some other interaction between the two of them. Raising the brow, fiddling with the material of her tee-shirt, by way of example. Lovely chapter though. I'm looking forward to reading on. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Hi Rhonda, this is a great, with a lot of dialogue which you write so well. Not much else is happening though. I would have liked to see some other interaction between the two of them. Raising the brow, fiddling with the material of her tee-shirt, by way of example. Lovely chapter though. I'm looking forward to reading on. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Ulla. You're right. This chapter was really full of dialogue, and not much description. I actually went back and added more after another review. Don't know why, but I guess I felt chatty.
Thanks so much for your helpful review.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Sis Cat
Excellent chapter shows a high level of craft and creativity in the way you wrote your character-revealing dialogue between Ayala and Archie as they are digging. There is a nice casualness and intimacy of their conversation which flows smoothly. Their talk kept me engaged and I cared about what happened to them next. The last paragraph sums up what happened and predicts the future:
"He had no idea what the future held for any of them, except they would never be the same again. This was going to be a bigger news story than if he had stumbled across a spaceship complete with live aliens. These strangers were homegrown."
Thank you for sharing your exceptional writing.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Excellent chapter shows a high level of craft and creativity in the way you wrote your character-revealing dialogue between Ayala and Archie as they are digging. There is a nice casualness and intimacy of their conversation which flows smoothly. Their talk kept me engaged and I cared about what happened to them next. The last paragraph sums up what happened and predicts the future:
"He had no idea what the future held for any of them, except they would never be the same again. This was going to be a bigger news story than if he had stumbled across a spaceship complete with live aliens. These strangers were homegrown."
Thank you for sharing your exceptional writing.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Thank you for reading my chapter, Sis! I know you are a poet, and there was lots of prose here to muddle through. I love your writing, and am so happy to see what you think about it!!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from lyenochka
Love the development of the relationship between Archie and Ayala. It is guarded but they are sharing and developing the trust Ayala doesn't think she has yet.
minor typo:
"my bothers" (r needed)
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Love the development of the relationship between Archie and Ayala. It is guarded but they are sharing and developing the trust Ayala doesn't think she has yet.
minor typo:
"my bothers" (r needed)
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you for catching that spag!! Funny what we overlook.
I appreciate you time and wonderful comments.
Take care,
Rhonda