Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Chapter Sechs part eine"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
37 total reviews
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
As I've come to expect, the flow, interaction between characters and dialogue were spot on, which effortlessly pushes the plot forward. Well done!
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
  |
Good morning, Barbara
As I've come to expect, the flow, interaction between characters and dialogue were spot on, which effortlessly pushes the plot forward. Well done!
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 05-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
-
Thank you for the generous review. I always enjoy hearing from you.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
I didn't spot any problems in it. It continues to be a well written interesting story. Have a good week, my friend. Hope you have a good class this year~Debbie
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
 |
I didn't spot any problems in it. It continues to be a well written interesting story. Have a good week, my friend. Hope you have a good class this year~Debbie
Comment Written 02-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review. I always appreciate hearing from you.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barbara. Good job on this chapter. Your dialogue and actions during dinner were realistic and well written.
The imagery is wonderful too. Like: ""I'm not sure. I can't put my finger on it." Anderson took a deep breath and then leaned back in this chair."
Suggestions: "As Jane sat beside him, he asked, "Where's Shana?" (Take the "as" off of this sentence. Just "Jane was sitting beside him and asked, etc etc.
And: This sentence belongs with the paragraph that follows not the one it follows now: " Jane adjusted the napkin on her lap.
Blessings, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
|
Hi, Barbara. Good job on this chapter. Your dialogue and actions during dinner were realistic and well written.
The imagery is wonderful too. Like: ""I'm not sure. I can't put my finger on it." Anderson took a deep breath and then leaned back in this chair."
Suggestions: "As Jane sat beside him, he asked, "Where's Shana?" (Take the "as" off of this sentence. Just "Jane was sitting beside him and asked, etc etc.
And: This sentence belongs with the paragraph that follows not the one it follows now: " Jane adjusted the napkin on her lap.
Blessings, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 01-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review. I always appreciate hearing from you. I have a question about one of your suggestions. I have been hit over and over again about using words such as was, example was sitting because it's passive. HELP!!!!!!
-
I don't know what to tell you, my friend. If I were to listen to everybody on Fanstory I would never have gotten to books puiblished. LOL. You do mwhat you think is best. It's not a flagrant thing your are doing in everysentence or post. Geeeez! Just use your own judgement on it, Barb. Blessings, Bob
Comment from ciliverde
I wonder if we are ever 100% satisfied with a post? Glad to hear that Shana is back from her runaway attempt, and we have the dogs to thank for that. You are continuing the suspense well in this story, and to me it is flowing very well.
Carol
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
|
I wonder if we are ever 100% satisfied with a post? Glad to hear that Shana is back from her runaway attempt, and we have the dogs to thank for that. You are continuing the suspense well in this story, and to me it is flowing very well.
Carol
Comment Written 01-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review. I always appreciate hearing from you.
Comment from nancyrabbrose
This is my first time to read your prose and I find it intriguing and interesting. You are weaving a very interesting story. The dialogue reveals the characters very well. One small correction:
place "to" before "leave"
Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
|
This is my first time to read your prose and I find it intriguing and interesting. You are weaving a very interesting story. The dialogue reveals the characters very well. One small correction:
place "to" before "leave"
Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rama devi
As usual,d ear, this is well paced and driven by dialog nicely balanced with detailed action tags that enhance characterization. Engaging. Easy to read. Just one suggestion:
Philip raised his eye brows.
eyebrows is one word, I think:
Philip raised his eyebrows.
Lots of Love,
rd
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
|
As usual,d ear, this is well paced and driven by dialog nicely balanced with detailed action tags that enhance characterization. Engaging. Easy to read. Just one suggestion:
Philip raised his eye brows.
eyebrows is one word, I think:
Philip raised his eyebrows.
Lots of Love,
rd
Comment Written 28-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review. I always appreciate hearing from you. I've missed your reviews. It is. thank you for the catch.
-
Been super busy lately and mostly reviewing poetry when I get time (not really time to spare, but I cannot do my professional level editing when mind is fuzzy...so that's actually when I am reviewing here...LOL).
Love, rd
Comment from alvina224224
Another good episode, Barbara. It's fascinating reading the development of a novel and you are handling the 'curtain' of events extremely well. Juxtaposition between the normal (having dinner) and the intrigue (the importance of the painting) is well laid out, and the images drawn will keep the reader glued to the pages. Congratulations.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
|
Another good episode, Barbara. It's fascinating reading the development of a novel and you are handling the 'curtain' of events extremely well. Juxtaposition between the normal (having dinner) and the intrigue (the importance of the painting) is well laid out, and the images drawn will keep the reader glued to the pages. Congratulations.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Rasmine
Hello!
Good to read the next chapter! I loved the dog one :)
I found one typo I think: Anderson took a deep breath and then leaned back in this (the?) chair.
This is a very interesting story--maybe you could have some romantic romance, too--I know what you mean, but I see this as more of a mystery.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
|
Hello!
Good to read the next chapter! I loved the dog one :)
I found one typo I think: Anderson took a deep breath and then leaned back in this (the?) chair.
This is a very interesting story--maybe you could have some romantic romance, too--I know what you mean, but I see this as more of a mystery.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review. I always appreciate hearing from you. You sure did and I made the correction.
Comment from Ella25
Brilliant chapter my friend! The story is progressing along, and the detail and the dialogue are good. Very enjoyable to read. With love, Ella
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
|
Brilliant chapter my friend! The story is progressing along, and the detail and the dialogue are good. Very enjoyable to read. With love, Ella
Comment Written 27-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review. I always appreciate hearing from you.
-
More than welcome, Barbara.
If you can, please give me your thoughts on "Wind of Love' or "Endevour". With love, Ella
Comment from Lu Saluna
The story is moving along. I enjoyed the detail and the dialogue was good.
The plot is moving slowly but I imagine there is a great deal going on and it appears you are setting it up.
Thanks for another great chapter.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
|
The story is moving along. I enjoyed the detail and the dialogue was good.
The plot is moving slowly but I imagine there is a great deal going on and it appears you are setting it up.
Thanks for another great chapter.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
-
Thank you for the kind review. I always appreciate hearing from you.