Nashville Trashville-Chapter 4
A continuing story with chapter links in Notes section.17 total reviews
Comment from Marvin Calloway
Mary
This is one unbelievable story and I believe every one of the precious words you wrote to describe it.
Who else except the embarrassed, loving mother would come to claim the credit card and driver's license of a wayward offspring.
One of my favorite lines: . . . and I don't expect she will be (presentable) for a bit of time." (as in perhaps, never).
Very entertaining.
Marv
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Mary
This is one unbelievable story and I believe every one of the precious words you wrote to describe it.
Who else except the embarrassed, loving mother would come to claim the credit card and driver's license of a wayward offspring.
One of my favorite lines: . . . and I don't expect she will be (presentable) for a bit of time." (as in perhaps, never).
Very entertaining.
Marv
Comment Written 18-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Hi Marvin! Thank you for your RR&R and thank you for your feedback. I hope to get the next chapter up sometime today, and I am hoping to wrap it up :) Have a great weekend and thanks again for the review. Much appreciated!
Comment from KjSilver
Lol funny. You're very witty in your writing, and the way you tie in different aspects into one base word is very good. Sounds like one of those nights we all say we will never do again.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Lol funny. You're very witty in your writing, and the way you tie in different aspects into one base word is very good. Sounds like one of those nights we all say we will never do again.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2016
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Hi there, KJ, thank you so much for your RR&R and feedback. I enjoyed reading your review and thank you for taking the time to read a longer submission. Prose reviewers are a rare commodity on FS. I will think long and hard before going on another quick trip with my kids, that is for sure! Have a great evening!
Comment from Sis Cat
Yes, this is a nightmare. You told this disaster with humor and stinking details as your daughter pukes all over the place. I like the line "Ms. Drunkie had erupted like Mount Etna." The smell. The clean up. Your embarrassment. I hope things get better, but if they did you would not have a story.
I do not know how this happened, but the line beginning with "This is the hotel concierge . . " runs all the way clear off the screen so that I cannot see the last words.
Thank you for sharing this comedy of horrors.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Yes, this is a nightmare. You told this disaster with humor and stinking details as your daughter pukes all over the place. I like the line "Ms. Drunkie had erupted like Mount Etna." The smell. The clean up. Your embarrassment. I hope things get better, but if they did you would not have a story.
I do not know how this happened, but the line beginning with "This is the hotel concierge . . " runs all the way clear off the screen so that I cannot see the last words.
Thank you for sharing this comedy of horrors.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Hi Andre. Thank you very much for your RR&R and the Mt. Etna was one of my favorite parts too :) I have looked at the concierge line repeatedly and tried to correct it. I may have to stick with the same font; I tried to change it up between quotes, his and mine...maybe it just through it off. Thank you so much for your continued interest, I promise the next chapter won't be quite so gross!
Have a great evening!
Comment from Spitfire
While you tell this with humor I sense an underlying current of panic and fury. Nothing so smelly and disgusting as a drunk. But I suspect you're like me. In the end, what matters is that your daughter came home safely. Love the Wizard of OZ ending.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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While you tell this with humor I sense an underlying current of panic and fury. Nothing so smelly and disgusting as a drunk. But I suspect you're like me. In the end, what matters is that your daughter came home safely. Love the Wizard of OZ ending.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Hi Shari, thank you for your RR&R, and you couldn't be more perceptive --mad as heck, but more grateful for her safe return. Thank you!
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Fantastic write, Mary! I don't know how you do it, but you continue to get funnier and funnier. :) You gave me a ton of laughs here with your witty writing. You create superb imagery for your reader. I could just picture you going through the lobby in your PG's, ripe with Eau D' Puke.
I think every mom can relate to "Had I been a leopard I might have eaten both kids that night". As mothers I think we do enough worrying for everybody. That's why our kids don't seem to worry about anything. That's my way of reasoning out why they can be so irresponsible on occasion. HAAAUUUK!! .. I can't clean up anyone's barf mess without dry heaving either.
I love how the story keeps going from bad to worse ... soOOO funny! The whole write is really entertaining, and once again, Brunhilda steals the show for me with her comments. (I think Bruni may have a sister who resides in me. They seem to think a lot alike.)
The parts that I especially liked are:
- Mama Bear Worry Station
- Bruni fascinated by the 7 course cooking pot (that was my absolute fave part ... just so 'out there' and 'unexpected').
- there wasn't enough Channel # anything to kill the stench
- My own personal standards had dropped considerably this weekend
- great ending ... clicking UGG's three times repeating mantra "There's no place like home.
Extremely well written. I wouldn't change a thing!
Connie
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Fantastic write, Mary! I don't know how you do it, but you continue to get funnier and funnier. :) You gave me a ton of laughs here with your witty writing. You create superb imagery for your reader. I could just picture you going through the lobby in your PG's, ripe with Eau D' Puke.
I think every mom can relate to "Had I been a leopard I might have eaten both kids that night". As mothers I think we do enough worrying for everybody. That's why our kids don't seem to worry about anything. That's my way of reasoning out why they can be so irresponsible on occasion. HAAAUUUK!! .. I can't clean up anyone's barf mess without dry heaving either.
I love how the story keeps going from bad to worse ... soOOO funny! The whole write is really entertaining, and once again, Brunhilda steals the show for me with her comments. (I think Bruni may have a sister who resides in me. They seem to think a lot alike.)
The parts that I especially liked are:
- Mama Bear Worry Station
- Bruni fascinated by the 7 course cooking pot (that was my absolute fave part ... just so 'out there' and 'unexpected').
- there wasn't enough Channel # anything to kill the stench
- My own personal standards had dropped considerably this weekend
- great ending ... clicking UGG's three times repeating mantra "There's no place like home.
Extremely well written. I wouldn't change a thing!
Connie
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Connie, you are a doll! Your reviews are nothing short of amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Chapter 5 will be boring by comparison!
Thank you for your kind words and beautiful SIX!! XO
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It's never possible for your writings to be boring, Mary! Always a treat to read them!! xo
Comment from Kelly2
Mary, needless to say, this chapter really takes the...I don't even want to say the word "cake". I am unable to speak of food right now. Unfortunately, before reading this, I decided that a nice bowl of Tater Tot Casserole would really hit the spot. Little did I know where we were headed....
Laughing my ass off at these parts:
"my kitchen decline began at age thirteen in a rectory not far from where we were now waiting to hear from child #1 or child #3 as to their safety and whereabouts while I stayed up well past my usual bedtime to man the MamaBear Worry Station."
"the taxi driver had been paid--twice. Once for the meter run, and again for the, "Ooops, I just puked all over your backseat" cleaning fee."
Maybe instead of a language warning, there should have been a strategically placed "Puke warning" right about here.....
"began carefully peeling off layers of her puke soaked clothing, shoes, and pride, trying to contain my own dry heaving as I kept popping puke pellets from landing on me. "
"I reminded the smart-assed little bitch that would be considered littering, even at 30,000 feet."
"There wasn't enough Chanel #Anything to kill the stench that had permeated our Nashville nest."
Okay, the whole discovery of projectile vomiting in the elevator was too much. I couldn't even laugh, it was so gross. How long must you hsuffer in cleaning up after this girl.... and would the smell ever go away? You needed to find the cleaning person with LOTS of towels. Maybe even break into a cleaning closet. What's a B&E at this point?
"This time my one woman parade sported a side of stank."
"I rolled up to the concierge desk with the distinct aroma of a rebel Glade plug-in minus the outlet"
"Had I been born a leopard, I might have eaten both my kids that night."
"It was obvious clicking my UGG's three times while repeating the mantra, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home, There's no place like home" was not going to get me out of this fooooooking nightmare."
The most confusing, complex cyclone of emotions circle my brain right now: there is disgust, the overwhelming urge to puke my tater tot casserole, laughter that is tinged with hysteria, empathy for you and your inability to clean it all up in any tolerable way, (those damn hotel windows don't even open!), and pride that you finally, finally, even though it was Bruni, said the word FUCK! I am so proud of you! I know damn well you said that word repeatedly through this night. If there was anytime you should have said it, by god, it was this night. Fuck the pansy fooooking bullshit, this calls for FUCK. Repeat it after me: FUCK.
I'm feeling a little better now that I've concentrated on anything but the puke. Jeez, I wish I had known you then. I swear I would have come to your rescue, with a lot of towels, paper, preferably, 409, odor eliminators, and a jar of Cherry Moonshine, because you really needed it. Just a little glass.
I know you will never let this happen again, but you need to take my number. I'll PM it to you.
This story deserves a 7. We need to talk to Tom about the need for a 7 and a puke warning. For real.
Kelly
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Mary, needless to say, this chapter really takes the...I don't even want to say the word "cake". I am unable to speak of food right now. Unfortunately, before reading this, I decided that a nice bowl of Tater Tot Casserole would really hit the spot. Little did I know where we were headed....
Laughing my ass off at these parts:
"my kitchen decline began at age thirteen in a rectory not far from where we were now waiting to hear from child #1 or child #3 as to their safety and whereabouts while I stayed up well past my usual bedtime to man the MamaBear Worry Station."
"the taxi driver had been paid--twice. Once for the meter run, and again for the, "Ooops, I just puked all over your backseat" cleaning fee."
Maybe instead of a language warning, there should have been a strategically placed "Puke warning" right about here.....
"began carefully peeling off layers of her puke soaked clothing, shoes, and pride, trying to contain my own dry heaving as I kept popping puke pellets from landing on me. "
"I reminded the smart-assed little bitch that would be considered littering, even at 30,000 feet."
"There wasn't enough Chanel #Anything to kill the stench that had permeated our Nashville nest."
Okay, the whole discovery of projectile vomiting in the elevator was too much. I couldn't even laugh, it was so gross. How long must you hsuffer in cleaning up after this girl.... and would the smell ever go away? You needed to find the cleaning person with LOTS of towels. Maybe even break into a cleaning closet. What's a B&E at this point?
"This time my one woman parade sported a side of stank."
"I rolled up to the concierge desk with the distinct aroma of a rebel Glade plug-in minus the outlet"
"Had I been born a leopard, I might have eaten both my kids that night."
"It was obvious clicking my UGG's three times while repeating the mantra, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home, There's no place like home" was not going to get me out of this fooooooking nightmare."
The most confusing, complex cyclone of emotions circle my brain right now: there is disgust, the overwhelming urge to puke my tater tot casserole, laughter that is tinged with hysteria, empathy for you and your inability to clean it all up in any tolerable way, (those damn hotel windows don't even open!), and pride that you finally, finally, even though it was Bruni, said the word FUCK! I am so proud of you! I know damn well you said that word repeatedly through this night. If there was anytime you should have said it, by god, it was this night. Fuck the pansy fooooking bullshit, this calls for FUCK. Repeat it after me: FUCK.
I'm feeling a little better now that I've concentrated on anything but the puke. Jeez, I wish I had known you then. I swear I would have come to your rescue, with a lot of towels, paper, preferably, 409, odor eliminators, and a jar of Cherry Moonshine, because you really needed it. Just a little glass.
I know you will never let this happen again, but you need to take my number. I'll PM it to you.
This story deserves a 7. We need to talk to Tom about the need for a 7 and a puke warning. For real.
Kelly
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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LOL Kelly. Your review is almost as long as my chapter, and I love you for that :D I needed a friend in Nashville that night, too bad we didn't know of FanStory or each other then...I would have finished off your cherry moonshine for sure! You had me laughing throughout your review and then when I read it to my husband, he was all in---he hadn't even read my chapter at that point! I like the idea of a 7 for prose. It would make up for the minimal reviews writers seem to get compared to poets on here :D I promise the next chapter will be mild in comparison, you can feast on your tater tots while reviewing... I think... :)
Your F paragraph had me howling. Trust me, I am no whimp and use the word often, when alone or with family. I just can't do it in my writing. :D So conflicted, am I!
Thank you for the laughs, as usual...when are you going to post again? I can't wait! XO
Comment from LaRosa
Great sense of humor; well introduced, starting with: "Mama Bear worry station".
Bruni, Betty Boop, and Pudgy personalities are perfectly described and follow true to the imagery drawn.
The writer doesn't skip a beat of mental conversation and draws the reader into the sight, sound, smell (odor) of the situation. Her details can't be improved on!
Absolutely fabulous!
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Great sense of humor; well introduced, starting with: "Mama Bear worry station".
Bruni, Betty Boop, and Pudgy personalities are perfectly described and follow true to the imagery drawn.
The writer doesn't skip a beat of mental conversation and draws the reader into the sight, sound, smell (odor) of the situation. Her details can't be improved on!
Absolutely fabulous!
Comment Written 14-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Wow, what an amazing review! I may frame this one ;) Thank you so much for your kind remarks and that beautiful SIX!!
I appreciate you!
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:)
Comment from Ric Myworld
I'm proud of myself at this point in your story. I haven't puked yet. You must be a wonderful mother, and I'm a jerk. Because, there isn't any way that I wouldn't have been cleaning up after my drunk daughter or son. It would be waiting for them in the morning, if I didn't make them do that same night, including the Otis. Thanks for another fine read. :-)
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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I'm proud of myself at this point in your story. I haven't puked yet. You must be a wonderful mother, and I'm a jerk. Because, there isn't any way that I wouldn't have been cleaning up after my drunk daughter or son. It would be waiting for them in the morning, if I didn't make them do that same night, including the Otis. Thanks for another fine read. :-)
Comment Written 14-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Hi Ric, thank you so much for your RR&R, I'm sorry for the inducement of dry heaving--it couldn't be avoided :)
I appreciate you, Ric. Thank you so much for your interest in my work.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Wow! This adventure with adult children just keeps getting more and more sad. My heart breaks for Bruni and Mom. I could feel the embarrassment, and I inwardly cringed at the stink of puke.
You've done a great job of portraying the emotions, sights and sounds. I'm looking forward to the next installment.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Wow! This adventure with adult children just keeps getting more and more sad. My heart breaks for Bruni and Mom. I could feel the embarrassment, and I inwardly cringed at the stink of puke.
You've done a great job of portraying the emotions, sights and sounds. I'm looking forward to the next installment.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 14-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2016
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Hi Patty, thank you for your RR&R. I appreciate your kind words so much. Chapter 5 will be boring by comparison! I appreciate you!
Comment from Heidi M
You earned six-stars for being willing to revisit this nightmare long enough to write about it! Your humor comes through even in the most embarrassing, disgusting situations.
Favorite lines:
man the MamaBear Worry Station
wasn't enough Chanel #Anything
steam building inside the bathroom--mine and the shower's
Suggestions:
crisis might help me [to] appreciate the fact -Delete to; it's not necessary
so I knew [it] the scratching
Pudgy[,] pissed on me
what mom[']s do
Brunhilda is insist(e)nt
kid #2 was referred to as kid #3 at the beginning
So... on the bright side kid #1 returned to the right hotel and the right room. That's gotta be good for something!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2016
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You earned six-stars for being willing to revisit this nightmare long enough to write about it! Your humor comes through even in the most embarrassing, disgusting situations.
Favorite lines:
man the MamaBear Worry Station
wasn't enough Chanel #Anything
steam building inside the bathroom--mine and the shower's
Suggestions:
crisis might help me [to] appreciate the fact -Delete to; it's not necessary
so I knew [it] the scratching
Pudgy[,] pissed on me
what mom[']s do
Brunhilda is insist(e)nt
kid #2 was referred to as kid #3 at the beginning
So... on the bright side kid #1 returned to the right hotel and the right room. That's gotta be good for something!
Comment Written 14-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2016
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Hi Heidi, thank you from the bottom of my Noah Webster for the corrections and catches. I just went through and changed each one. You have a great eye, and I appreciate you so much. I hope to conclude the finale in the next chapter. I'm exhausted just reliving the weekend! Thank you so much for your RR&R, and the fabulous SIX in spite of the errors. Have an awesome week!