Huntingdon Estate
200 word story14 total reviews
Comment from F. Wehr3
I think this was a good story, and I enjoyed reading it.
Her father,Sir Allingham, Lord of Huntingdon Estate, stood,with an agitated air, by the stables. ' Usually I have to advise people to add more punctuation. I am going to suggest you remove some commas. Suggest removing commas between stood and with and in between air and by.
A memento,of her first great win, at age six, in the Gold Cup in the Huntingdon Autumn Fair . This on has the same issue as the previous sentences. Remove all your commas. Now, you have a noun followed by three prepositional phrases. You need a verb to make this a sentence.
I hope this is helpful.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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I think this was a good story, and I enjoyed reading it.
Her father,Sir Allingham, Lord of Huntingdon Estate, stood,with an agitated air, by the stables. ' Usually I have to advise people to add more punctuation. I am going to suggest you remove some commas. Suggest removing commas between stood and with and in between air and by.
A memento,of her first great win, at age six, in the Gold Cup in the Huntingdon Autumn Fair . This on has the same issue as the previous sentences. Remove all your commas. Now, you have a noun followed by three prepositional phrases. You need a verb to make this a sentence.
I hope this is helpful.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 26-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Thanks for reading but most especially for the useful suggestions- punctuation is an eternal irritant - with, what seems to be very little agreement !! zanya
Comment from William Ross
very good, nicely done and written, great entry on the prompt with this. Couldn't hold on to the old estate anymore. good luck on this and enjoy your day
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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very good, nicely done and written, great entry on the prompt with this. Couldn't hold on to the old estate anymore. good luck on this and enjoy your day
Comment Written 26-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Thanks for reading zanya
Comment from judester
I like this and am surprised that you did not get more votes. Great descriptive writing creating a somber mood and atmosphere of a wealthy family, now down on luck. Cheers, j
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I like this and am surprised that you did not get more votes. Great descriptive writing creating a somber mood and atmosphere of a wealthy family, now down on luck. Cheers, j
Comment Written 26-Apr-2016
Comment from BruceMiller
You obviously are not a seasoned typist; there is a bit of sloppiness about your style. You are missing spaces (Her father,Sir; Nordingham,on) where there should be spaces and adding spaces(chauffeur -driven) were there should be no spaces. You are using apostrophes were there should be quotation marks ('Huntingdon for Sale') These appear to be minor, but they are a distraction to reading and understanding.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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You obviously are not a seasoned typist; there is a bit of sloppiness about your style. You are missing spaces (Her father,Sir; Nordingham,on) where there should be spaces and adding spaces(chauffeur -driven) were there should be no spaces. You are using apostrophes were there should be quotation marks ('Huntingdon for Sale') These appear to be minor, but they are a distraction to reading and understanding.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Thanks for reading and for the useful suggestions Zanya
Comment from Judy Couch
This is a very good start for what you should turn into a longer piece. It could be the beginning of a novel. It leaves a lot of questions in the reader's mind.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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This is a very good start for what you should turn into a longer piece. It could be the beginning of a novel. It leaves a lot of questions in the reader's mind.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Thanks for the useful suggestions and for taking time to read -much appreciated zanya
Comment from foxangie123
This is a very entertaining story indeed. You did a good job with this as an entry to the two hundred word story contest or with a competition. Keep it up.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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This is a very entertaining story indeed. You did a good job with this as an entry to the two hundred word story contest or with a competition. Keep it up.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Thanks for reading and the encouraging words Zanya
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello,
Nice job with your little story. It is not so easy to write a 200 words story and do it justice. A lot of people don't understand how hard it is.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Hello,
Nice job with your little story. It is not so easy to write a 200 words story and do it justice. A lot of people don't understand how hard it is.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Indeed ! Thanks for reading and the encouraging suggestions Zanya
Comment from LIJ Red
Looks like the Huntingdons have foundered on the rocks of middle class finances. If the wealth of earth were equally divided among it's 7300000000 humans, wealth and privilege would be scarce. A well-told
short story--I did not count words--of a rude awakening...
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Looks like the Huntingdons have foundered on the rocks of middle class finances. If the wealth of earth were equally divided among it's 7300000000 humans, wealth and privilege would be scarce. A well-told
short story--I did not count words--of a rude awakening...
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Thanks for reading and the interesting commentary Zanya
Comment from jusylee72
Interesting take on the two hundred word challenge. You describe scenery very well . I am not sure if it tells a whole story but I did enjoy it and could picture each character.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Interesting take on the two hundred word challenge. You describe scenery very well . I am not sure if it tells a whole story but I did enjoy it and could picture each character.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Thank you indeed for the encouraging words Zanya
Comment from humpwhistle
I think this is a longer story wishing to be told.
With only 200 words with which to work, it is best
to fashion a story of more immediacy.
I do not mean to be critical, only helpful.
You've begun a story. Keep writing it.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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I think this is a longer story wishing to be told.
With only 200 words with which to work, it is best
to fashion a story of more immediacy.
I do not mean to be critical, only helpful.
You've begun a story. Keep writing it.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 24-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
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Yes probably - thanks for the encouraging words zanya