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contest entry21 total reviews
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Nicely penned! It seems this is a difficult type of poem to write. I am strictly a prose writer, so don't dabble in verse. But all signs point to you doing a swell job with this prompt.
Curious the meaning of this work--might you be talking about the hallowed halls of FS? Hmmm?
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
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Nicely penned! It seems this is a difficult type of poem to write. I am strictly a prose writer, so don't dabble in verse. But all signs point to you doing a swell job with this prompt.
Curious the meaning of this work--might you be talking about the hallowed halls of FS? Hmmm?
Comment Written 02-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
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Very difficult and I had to have a little hrlp! lol
The meaning - well, that's part of it.
G
Comment from pharp
Exceptional job in the penning of this two syllable per line contest entry. I gave it a shot but gave up. It was much harder than I thought.
This is a very good read, the rhyming with a two syllable per line; don't know how you managed it but it was superb. The flow of this poem was very smooth and I enjoyed the read and message. Thanks for sharing and the very best to you in the contest. Blessings..................Portia
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
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Exceptional job in the penning of this two syllable per line contest entry. I gave it a shot but gave up. It was much harder than I thought.
This is a very good read, the rhyming with a two syllable per line; don't know how you managed it but it was superb. The flow of this poem was very smooth and I enjoyed the read and message. Thanks for sharing and the very best to you in the contest. Blessings..................Portia
Comment Written 01-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
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This was incredibly difficult with the stressed / unstressed syllables and I had a little help with that. I almost gave up too! Much appreciated, G.
Comment from Leineco
::::Bravo::::
I tried this monometer thing - but found I kept tripping
on sneaky third syllables and uneven meter - so I surrendered :-(
You've maintain both the 2 count restriction and the finely tuned
drum beat :-) AND, told a poignant story in this well crafted poem!!
Best wishes in the voting booth :-)
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
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::::Bravo::::
I tried this monometer thing - but found I kept tripping
on sneaky third syllables and uneven meter - so I surrendered :-(
You've maintain both the 2 count restriction and the finely tuned
drum beat :-) AND, told a poignant story in this well crafted poem!!
Best wishes in the voting booth :-)
Comment Written 01-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
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Many thanks for the great feedback. I did have a little help of the feline persuasion with ordering and stress work but the words and story are all mine! lol Much appreciated. G
Comment from Ulla
Wow, this is quite amazing. You are a man of many talents. I don't know anything about the structure of poetry as you know, but looking at the example you appear to have it down to a T. It's beautifully written and you certainly have a way with words. Good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Wow, this is quite amazing. You are a man of many talents. I don't know anything about the structure of poetry as you know, but looking at the example you appear to have it down to a T. It's beautifully written and you certainly have a way with words. Good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla
Comment Written 30-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Many thanks for the great response to this piece, Ulla. Much appreciated. G
Comment from JTStone
Nice job my friend, you are a little more amazing with each read.
Two syllables and make it work. Brook used to make it look so easy...(The example), You made it look easier. It takes a poet to be in the same league as the FS legend, Adewpearl.
Jimmy
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Nice job my friend, you are a little more amazing with each read.
Two syllables and make it work. Brook used to make it look so easy...(The example), You made it look easier. It takes a poet to be in the same league as the FS legend, Adewpearl.
Jimmy
Comment Written 29-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Many thanks Jimmy. I had a little help with this one, slight rearranging for stressed / unstressed syllables. Learning curve! Much appreciated. G
Comment from Linda Engel
Afraid of life getting stale and stagnate ? No more liveliness in the air ? Your fun has turned to funk? In your poem you have at least recognized the situation and want to turn it around and possibly find that light to be it back to life. So many people realize the passion of living is gone and just give up.
This is an interesting form and makes for a good contest. Well done . i enjoyed.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Afraid of life getting stale and stagnate ? No more liveliness in the air ? Your fun has turned to funk? In your poem you have at least recognized the situation and want to turn it around and possibly find that light to be it back to life. So many people realize the passion of living is gone and just give up.
This is an interesting form and makes for a good contest. Well done . i enjoyed.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Many thanks for the read and review on this one. I really appreciated it.
Comment from Gloria ....
Perfect iambic meter, G! This is a wonderful contest to show people how to get that beat. It seems that you have got it down to a science or is that an art. It really is rhyming couplets with different prosody.
New mind! It's beautiful and will be hard to beat. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Perfect iambic meter, G! This is a wonderful contest to show people how to get that beat. It seems that you have got it down to a science or is that an art. It really is rhyming couplets with different prosody.
New mind! It's beautiful and will be hard to beat. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 29-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2016
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Many thanks, Gloria but I did have a little guidance! But the words are mine. lol Much appreciated. G
Comment from royowen
Well done G, I love this entry in this look easy poetry contest. I don't know whether I could tackle this without a previous experience to work with. But I think you've done an admirable job, becoming a skilled poet of late my friend, some nice strategic rhyme, great theme, articulate layout, love it. Well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016
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Well done G, I love this entry in this look easy poetry contest. I don't know whether I could tackle this without a previous experience to work with. But I think you've done an admirable job, becoming a skilled poet of late my friend, some nice strategic rhyme, great theme, articulate layout, love it. Well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 28-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016
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Many thank Roy. I am trying to branch out a little, and potery is fun for me. G
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Well done G
Comment from I am Cat
Hi Gareth,
I think that, so far... you're 'winning' this contest... UNLESS... and that's a big unless (because it's highly unlikely that anyone will know the difference) UNLESS people realize that you have to have iambic meter for this...
so you've got your two syllables per line... but not the iambs... (which is a constant source of pain in my butt. lol) but... it has to go: daDUM daDUM daDUM and fall on natural stresses, meaning that the word : LAUGHter cannont fall wrongly... like laughTER... see? so using that word on one line (because each line is going to have to have a da DUM in natural sequence, will throw it off.. (the meter, that is)
now... whether or not anyone is smart enough to figure that out... really IS beyond the point. The point is.. the CEC should say it, but they won't
Anyway.. so I'm going to... because I know that you do write some poetry but you don't consider yourself a poet... here goes:
the helpful review. ;)
I walk (right!)
Through the (the, won't work because it's an unstressed word... halls is better... )
Halls of
Unease
so this:
I walk
through halls
of such
unease
(works better)
Where once (good!)
Laughter (this is a backward stress)
Floated (same here)
Upon (this works)
The breeze, (so does this....)
so let's try this:
Where once
our joys
would waft
the breeze
(that is perfectly iambic)
All fun
And joy
Has left (wouldn't it be 'all have' instead of 'all has'?)
This place
Despair
And fear
(have) Etched (etched is STILL only one syllable, no matter where you live)
My face,
(that entire passage is perfectly iambic now also!)
[Wonder] (backwards stresses again)
Where do (same here)
We go
From here
To find
Again
That hope
And cheer.
suggest:
But oh,
where shall
we go
from here
to find
again
that hope
and cheer?
Can we
As one
Learn to
Rotate,
Is it
Too late
To change
Our fate?
(and the last part is perfect!)
WEll done, all in all! I've only changed very few little things, just moved your own words around.. to make it iambic.
I hope you don't mind. I know how much you believe in a good review.
I hope I've given you one
(now... go kick my ass in this contest, ok? Wouldn't THAT be ironic? LOL)
Cat
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2016
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Hi Gareth,
I think that, so far... you're 'winning' this contest... UNLESS... and that's a big unless (because it's highly unlikely that anyone will know the difference) UNLESS people realize that you have to have iambic meter for this...
so you've got your two syllables per line... but not the iambs... (which is a constant source of pain in my butt. lol) but... it has to go: daDUM daDUM daDUM and fall on natural stresses, meaning that the word : LAUGHter cannont fall wrongly... like laughTER... see? so using that word on one line (because each line is going to have to have a da DUM in natural sequence, will throw it off.. (the meter, that is)
now... whether or not anyone is smart enough to figure that out... really IS beyond the point. The point is.. the CEC should say it, but they won't
Anyway.. so I'm going to... because I know that you do write some poetry but you don't consider yourself a poet... here goes:
the helpful review. ;)
I walk (right!)
Through the (the, won't work because it's an unstressed word... halls is better... )
Halls of
Unease
so this:
I walk
through halls
of such
unease
(works better)
Where once (good!)
Laughter (this is a backward stress)
Floated (same here)
Upon (this works)
The breeze, (so does this....)
so let's try this:
Where once
our joys
would waft
the breeze
(that is perfectly iambic)
All fun
And joy
Has left (wouldn't it be 'all have' instead of 'all has'?)
This place
Despair
And fear
(have) Etched (etched is STILL only one syllable, no matter where you live)
My face,
(that entire passage is perfectly iambic now also!)
[Wonder] (backwards stresses again)
Where do (same here)
We go
From here
To find
Again
That hope
And cheer.
suggest:
But oh,
where shall
we go
from here
to find
again
that hope
and cheer?
Can we
As one
Learn to
Rotate,
Is it
Too late
To change
Our fate?
(and the last part is perfect!)
WEll done, all in all! I've only changed very few little things, just moved your own words around.. to make it iambic.
I hope you don't mind. I know how much you believe in a good review.
I hope I've given you one
(now... go kick my ass in this contest, ok? Wouldn't THAT be ironic? LOL)
Cat
Comment Written 28-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2016
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You are mistaking me for someone who give a f&*k!
I wouldn't know Iambic if it was a pen introducing itself to me saying "I am Bic"
No seriously thanks very much for that, I might leave it as it is depending on how lazy I am! The bizarre thing is I had already written most of this in another poem and just ripped bits of it out! lol.
I'll look at it in the morning.
Love G
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NOOOOOOOOO... you HAVE to change it! LOL come on... win the contest by following the rules, not breaking them! :(
lol
(I don't give a f*ck about iambs either UNLESS i'm writing something that HAS to be iambic... and this HAS to be iambic..
If I wrote a prose piece I'd have to write a certain way for that contest... come on G!
pleassssse? ;)
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Oh okay. I'll do it in morning
Sigh
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YAY!!!!!!!!! (((((((((((big bear hugs))))))))))))
ok, I'm calm. i"m calm. ;)
sleep well G
Comment from IndianaIrish
Rating changed after fixes.
I like the message in this iambic Monometer poem, G, and your ending with the question is great. But you need to rework some of the iambic meter in the poem as the stressed syllables are wrong. You want unstressed/stressed. The following is where the meter seems to be off.
Through the
Halls of
Laughter
Floated
Etched (this is one syllable per syllable count.com)
Wonder
Where do
Learn to
Rotate,
I use Merriam-Webster dictionary because it shows the syllables and which is stressed. I have to look words up because I pronounce the syllables wrong so often, so I never rely on my ears.
Please let me know and I'll up the rating to five.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016
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Rating changed after fixes.
I like the message in this iambic Monometer poem, G, and your ending with the question is great. But you need to rework some of the iambic meter in the poem as the stressed syllables are wrong. You want unstressed/stressed. The following is where the meter seems to be off.
Through the
Halls of
Laughter
Floated
Etched (this is one syllable per syllable count.com)
Wonder
Where do
Learn to
Rotate,
I use Merriam-Webster dictionary because it shows the syllables and which is stressed. I have to look words up because I pronounce the syllables wrong so often, so I never rely on my ears.
Please let me know and I'll up the rating to five.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 28-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016
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Hi Karyn,
Absolutely correct with the assessment here. I don't really understand all of the technicalities, but I have reworked this a bit with a little feline help! Much appreciated.
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It was nice of her to show you how to fix the iambic meter. I upped the rating. Rotate is still wrong, but with it being the title and all, you can't hardly change it to correct meter. LOL
good luck.