Tales Of Darkness And Light
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "In Light Of Day"Finding Light Through Shadowed Paths
10 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
At last! Some bright colors. But when I read, they seemed to turn dark. Very eloquent and smooth flowing. Even in the light of day, the narrator feels dark. Graves inside my barren heart is really effective in showing the mood. To feel like screaming, even in daylight, indicates the depression the narrator feels. Even in the light of day, the narrator feels numb, that they daylight is a drag. Sets a melancholy mood. judi
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At last! Some bright colors. But when I read, they seemed to turn dark. Very eloquent and smooth flowing. Even in the light of day, the narrator feels dark. Graves inside my barren heart is really effective in showing the mood. To feel like screaming, even in daylight, indicates the depression the narrator feels. Even in the light of day, the narrator feels numb, that they daylight is a drag. Sets a melancholy mood. judi
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
Comment from royowen
There's no perceptible rhyme scheme in this quatern, and it scans beautifully, the rhythm is perfect, you'd actually think you were reading a rhyming poem, I had to look to ascertain that fact. And the stresses were all in the right place, so skilfully and succinctly structured, the flow is amazingly good, well done, blessings, Roy
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There's no perceptible rhyme scheme in this quatern, and it scans beautifully, the rhythm is perfect, you'd actually think you were reading a rhyming poem, I had to look to ascertain that fact. And the stresses were all in the right place, so skilfully and succinctly structured, the flow is amazingly good, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
Comment from Glasstruth
What we feel, in this case becomes poetry. Quatrains are very song-like with their repetitions and the smooth flow due to its eight syllables. It doesn't rhyme, but I had to take a second look to make sure. Wonderfully written. Les
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What we feel, in this case becomes poetry. Quatrains are very song-like with their repetitions and the smooth flow due to its eight syllables. It doesn't rhyme, but I had to take a second look to make sure. Wonderfully written. Les
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
Comment from Erin929
A very haunting poem, wasn't expecting the "light of day" to be showing the contrast of dark feelings. This contrast is intriguing, the dread and nightmarish fear even during the sunny daytime, where these feeling would normally vanish. But that doesn't mean nights are any better as shown by the line, The day's a drag, night seems a null, the numbness is round the clock for the narrator.
I don't have any changes, maybe in the last line use a break instead of ellipses?
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A very haunting poem, wasn't expecting the "light of day" to be showing the contrast of dark feelings. This contrast is intriguing, the dread and nightmarish fear even during the sunny daytime, where these feeling would normally vanish. But that doesn't mean nights are any better as shown by the line, The day's a drag, night seems a null, the numbness is round the clock for the narrator.
I don't have any changes, maybe in the last line use a break instead of ellipses?
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Very good job of expressing deep dark emotions, and how day or night, they still press into your heart. A bit of a ray of sunshine in the end, how, sometimes you see the light, and the feelings lift. As always, great job,
Rhonda
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Very good job of expressing deep dark emotions, and how day or night, they still press into your heart. A bit of a ray of sunshine in the end, how, sometimes you see the light, and the feelings lift. As always, great job,
Rhonda
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
Comment from OnyxSapphire78
I think I would rather be hidden in the dark of night then seen fully in the light of day myself. I prefer night, but I just thought it was because I work in the day and the night is mine, but now after reading your poem, maybe I need to evaluate myself. :) You have taken this style and ran with it. What an excellent job you have done with your great wording, your depressive mood, and your raw style.
As sunshine casts a lucid world,
my eyes are lost in dreaming dark;
sometimes, in light of day. I feel
like shutting them, so as to sleep.
I really love this! Very original.
Good luck and happy writing!
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I think I would rather be hidden in the dark of night then seen fully in the light of day myself. I prefer night, but I just thought it was because I work in the day and the night is mine, but now after reading your poem, maybe I need to evaluate myself. :) You have taken this style and ran with it. What an excellent job you have done with your great wording, your depressive mood, and your raw style.
As sunshine casts a lucid world,
my eyes are lost in dreaming dark;
sometimes, in light of day. I feel
like shutting them, so as to sleep.
I really love this! Very original.
Good luck and happy writing!
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
Comment from mumsyone
Great description of a Quatern, Anupam, and a beautiful example of one. I like your repeating line: Sometimes, in light of day, I feel...
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Great description of a Quatern, Anupam, and a beautiful example of one. I like your repeating line: Sometimes, in light of day, I feel...
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
Comment from Sasha
I like everything about this poem. Superbly written, excellent rhyme and I love how you move the repeating line around throughout the poem. I found this to be deeply moving and also quite sad. Marvelous work with this one, I enjoyed it immensely. I apologize for not giving you a well deserved 6 but I am trying to not use them up in one day, and save them for later in the week. I do hope you post another equally stunning poem again this week.
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I like everything about this poem. Superbly written, excellent rhyme and I love how you move the repeating line around throughout the poem. I found this to be deeply moving and also quite sad. Marvelous work with this one, I enjoyed it immensely. I apologize for not giving you a well deserved 6 but I am trying to not use them up in one day, and save them for later in the week. I do hope you post another equally stunning poem again this week.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
Comment from rama devi
Wow. Powerful poem. I've never written a Quatern but yours makes me want to write one. I love how that line moves location and you use this device to potent effect, especially in the closing line. I'm utterly tired, but couldn't resist reading and reviewing this. Superb emotional depth and resonance. Superb musicality and style. Superb phonetics that make it almost feel like a rhymed poem read aloud! (not listing them all, because you know I noticed them)...
Love this line:
The sound of time, I can't resist...
AWESOME depiction here:
like screaming at my shadows that
are meant to trace my silent breaths.
Highly original stanza:
As sunshine casts a lucid world,
my eyes are lost in dreaming dark;
sometimes, in light of day. I feel
like shutting them, so as to sleep.
Poignant closing:
The day's a drag, night seems a null;
across its stretch, I lie and lie (nice pun)
to make my numbing self believe--
sometimes, in light of day...I feel.
Namaste, rd
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Wow. Powerful poem. I've never written a Quatern but yours makes me want to write one. I love how that line moves location and you use this device to potent effect, especially in the closing line. I'm utterly tired, but couldn't resist reading and reviewing this. Superb emotional depth and resonance. Superb musicality and style. Superb phonetics that make it almost feel like a rhymed poem read aloud! (not listing them all, because you know I noticed them)...
Love this line:
The sound of time, I can't resist...
AWESOME depiction here:
like screaming at my shadows that
are meant to trace my silent breaths.
Highly original stanza:
As sunshine casts a lucid world,
my eyes are lost in dreaming dark;
sometimes, in light of day. I feel
like shutting them, so as to sleep.
Poignant closing:
The day's a drag, night seems a null;
across its stretch, I lie and lie (nice pun)
to make my numbing self believe--
sometimes, in light of day...I feel.
Namaste, rd
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
I like your melancholic Quatern with solid rhyme and meter. I love the stunning presentation that goes so well with the poem. The theme is of someone depressed and hopeless. Good job!
Gypsy
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Hello :)
I like your melancholic Quatern with solid rhyme and meter. I love the stunning presentation that goes so well with the poem. The theme is of someone depressed and hopeless. Good job!
Gypsy
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015