Comment from Louise Michelle

Excellent

I like this one too. I used to write a bunch of limerick style poems.

By way of critique, I'd like to see the third line a little stronger. Maybe something like:

She took one look in bed and laughingly said,

Me again. After I sent this off to you, I realized I forgot to add that writing is subjective. What appeals to one person can be despised by another. As far as critiques go, I always say take what you want and toss the rest.

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015

Thanks Michelle. I like your suggestion, but it would not be in character for the girl, as I see her. I think it makes her sound mean.She's a simple girl without a whit of sophistication.
She reacted without letting the guy know why she changed her mind. If she was a hooker, I would make the change.

I do appreciate the suggestion, and welcome others.

Ogden

Comment from misscookie

Excellent

I couldn't stop laughing
I enjoyed reading your poem very much
In fact I have one on the same subject.
Hope you enjoy mine also.
Cookie

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015

Thanks Cookie,
What a terrific review! It would be great if everyone thought like you.
(I don't know why lately everything I write seems to come out like a poem.)

Good luck with your entries.

Ogden Nash

reply by misscookie on 20-Oct-2015

You're very welcome. You must remember your hands might be moving but God guilds your mind.
Take care Cookie

Comment from Eternal Muse

Good

This is a very fun Limerick, which has all the elements of a true Limerick, including just a tad bit bawdy (lol). I enjoyed it very much. The reason for a reduced rating, you obviously picked the rhyme scheme of 9-9-6-6-9, but the third line is 10 syllables. This needs to be fixed before the deadline, to qualify.

A great piece otherwise.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015

Thanks Veltel,
I made the adjustment. Maybe I still have a chance. (Maybe youll adjust the number of stars).
Ogden

reply by Eternal Muse on 19-Oct-2015

The line below is still 10 syllables:

He got her to bed, but here's what she said

That line needs to be changed to 9 syllables, to qualify

Comment from PoemsOfDD

Excellent

This is a good limerick writing prompt entry. It flows nicely with the syllable count and tells a short story of things on the verge of getting a bit naughty. It is cleverly written. Well done and good luck in the competition.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015

Can I call you Poems? I take no answer as a yes. Thanks Poems for the terrific review! You know, I didn't count the syllables. It just sounded right.

I wrote it right before I entered it, not knowing if there was a limmeric contest and I lucked out. Or not.

Thanks again!

Ogden

reply by PoemsOfDD on 19-Oct-2015

You know Ogden, I did look at your syllable count and saw that it was different to the options. I thought yours had a nice catchy flow to it so I liked it. You would have to tweak it if one of the four options were to be used but hours flows like a limerick. They may disqualify they may not. I've seen poems be accepted in other contest here when I have thought they clearly should not have been. Who am I to say. I'm glad you asked. DD

reply by PoemsOfDD on 19-Oct-2015

And I happy with Poems. Nice to meet you Ogden.

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015

I was just about to send you another message.I realized that you gave me a good review for my only other entry, "Indignant."

I guess I should have kept my big mouth shut. I thought the options were optional. , or I would have written it differently.

(Just before I entered it and when I still thought it might have a chance to win, I titled it "What's in a Name" in case some readers wouln't get the joke.)

Well, it was fun.

Ogden

reply by PoemsOfDD on 19-Oct-2015

Ogden, you can edit your limerick still. The voting hasn't started yet so you have plenty of time to tweak it. Go on....give it a tweak so there is no excuse for FS disqualify. :-)

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015

Thanks, I appreciate your interest. I have made the necessary adjustment.
Ogden

reply by PoemsOfDD on 19-Oct-2015

Hi Ogden, I've had another look at your limerick after your adjustments. You've made them all 9 syllable count lines. You only have 4 lines.
There are 4 syllable count options to chose from. If you are going to stick with the 9 syllable count option then its either 99669 or 99559. This being said you also have to add one more line as the requirement is 5. You also have to reduce in syllable count on lines 3 and 4. You are still able to edit your work. It will need another tweak.
Good luck!

reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015

Thanks for the advice but it's too late to make change. This is not my day. I just finished a reply to you and suddenly it disappeared.

And l of course, I had just read your message.

Yesterday, I received another other message, similar to yours, suggesting I remove one syllable from the third lime. I'm new to FanStory and was unaware that limmerics have a required syllable count. If I knew it, of course my entry would have been in compliance. Naturally, I removed a syllable, feeling happy I avoided a disqualification. The I went out until lsst night. I don't have a smartphone so I didn't see your message. If I had and there still was time to edit the entry I would not habe known what do do, confused by what you wrote and the other person did.

The worst thing about what has happened is that my rating will drop from 5+. This was my my second entry snd all but one of the reviewers to the first rated it 5 stars. The other one 6 stars.

I'd better quot this message before it didappears, too. Please forgive all the typing errors. i npknow there are too many to correct now.

Thanks a lot for trying to help me. I think I will try to esse my pain by writing some more "poetry" or prose to enter.

Ogden

reply by PoemsOfDD on 20-Oct-2015

Ogden, don't worry about it. Sometimes its not easy to know what goes on behind the scenes but the main thing is to follow the instructions to the letter. I've only been on FS for 2 months and I've had an entry disqualified because I did not put the correct haiku title on it. I'm happy to assist where I can so all is good. Also, your rating will improve the more poems you write. Not everyone gives out their previous a six stars. I've had glowing reviews then only get a 5 star with it and then someone will actually 'get' my poem and give me a six. I've received a four star from someone because they had a bad experience and so didn't like my poem because they didn't like the opposite sex. Go figure but you can't win them all - unless your with the in crowd and one of the popular poets on this site. Just have fun and write for yourself. That way losing one of many competitions doesn't feel that bad. I'm taking a breather from the competitions for a tad as it gets demotivating after a while. Now I'm rambling. Just enjoy your creative mind in words expressed Ogden. Poems

reply by PoemsOfDD on 20-Oct-2015

Precious six stars is what I meant to say earlier....

Comment from Jeanie Mercer

Excellent

This is a very well done limerick, with perfect rhyme, rhythm and flow. The "bawdiness " is quite restrained (which I like), yet still clever. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015

Wow, Jeanie! This is a big surprise! I just entered it minutes ago.
Further,more, I wrote it, then checked to see if there are any limmeric contests listed. I saw that this one closes tomorrow and there wouldn't be enough time to get reviews, but entered anyway. Thanks Jeanie, and I apologize for bending your ear (eye?)

Ogden