Only in Australia
Blank Verse contest entry31 total reviews
Comment from JanPerry
In Australia the law can justify anyone if they like the person. As in your poem. I have to stay within the law at all times, as I have no friends to defend me, and not likable person.
So this guy gets away with stealing someone's livelihood because he was so audacious! How typical and wrong.
Thanks for the read.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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In Australia the law can justify anyone if they like the person. As in your poem. I have to stay within the law at all times, as I have no friends to defend me, and not likable person.
So this guy gets away with stealing someone's livelihood because he was so audacious! How typical and wrong.
Thanks for the read.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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Thanks for reviewing.
Steve
Comment from Sis Cat
Riveting blank verse prose poem. You told an engaging story about your drive and trek to Starlight's lookout. You made the readers feel like they accompanied the journey with you. The ghostly sight of the two pelicans broke the spell. I like your straight forward poem story without the fussiness of rhyme or structure. You told a story. Thank you for sharing. I wish you success in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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Riveting blank verse prose poem. You told an engaging story about your drive and trek to Starlight's lookout. You made the readers feel like they accompanied the journey with you. The ghostly sight of the two pelicans broke the spell. I like your straight forward poem story without the fussiness of rhyme or structure. You told a story. Thank you for sharing. I wish you success in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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Thank you.
No fussiness pretty well describes what I was after.
Steve
Comment from TPAC
Good story writer descriptive line structuring accent this write giving inspiring interests. I found captivating in its expressed read.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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Good story writer descriptive line structuring accent this write giving inspiring interests. I found captivating in its expressed read.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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Thank you.
Steve
Comment from tfawcus
Your blank verse follows informal speech patterns well, which makes it easy reading. A classic Aussie yarn. I first met Captain Starlight in a unit of Australian Literature when doing my teacher training here shortly after migrating. Literature, I wondered. I can imagine the scene with the great, lumbering pelicans, like something out of Jurassic Park. Just for your amusement, I'll point out the end rhymes and near rhyme:
lair/pair, threat/set and come/sun. Shakespeare would be proud of you.
Maybe 'I thought the face of brown...' would benefit from review.
I liked the change of rhythm and caesura in 'of snakes and insects. There we sat and ate' and very much liked your closing lines.
By the way, congratulations on your sonnet. I didn't mind too much that it beat mine! It was very good, I thought.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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Your blank verse follows informal speech patterns well, which makes it easy reading. A classic Aussie yarn. I first met Captain Starlight in a unit of Australian Literature when doing my teacher training here shortly after migrating. Literature, I wondered. I can imagine the scene with the great, lumbering pelicans, like something out of Jurassic Park. Just for your amusement, I'll point out the end rhymes and near rhyme:
lair/pair, threat/set and come/sun. Shakespeare would be proud of you.
Maybe 'I thought the face of brown...' would benefit from review.
I liked the change of rhythm and caesura in 'of snakes and insects. There we sat and ate' and very much liked your closing lines.
By the way, congratulations on your sonnet. I didn't mind too much that it beat mine! It was very good, I thought.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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Tony, thanks for your kind review and for picking up rhymes! I am sure others will have taken note as well, although only one reviewer has suggested there's anything wrong with the practice.
I'll take a look at that 'face of brown...' line.
I thought yours, Mark's and my sonnets were all good and any of them could easily have won and there would have been no complaints, but I'm happy to take the honours this time. I'm not expecting to do that in this contest. Have you entered?
Steve
Comment from Chrissy710
Deserves a six but am out of those so 5 this time, but what a good read and a tight story made me smile as the corregations on the roads in Aus are sometimes something to behold! My husband and me rode a motorbike from Victoria to Westen Australia over the unsealed Nullaboar plains in 1975 400 Kls of bulldust and corregations what a ride ( no wonder our backs are out lol) I liked your story and the way your blank verse read, question Did you go up to the Starlight lookout? the Pelican's made a fitting end to your bumpy ride. Cheers Christine
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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Deserves a six but am out of those so 5 this time, but what a good read and a tight story made me smile as the corregations on the roads in Aus are sometimes something to behold! My husband and me rode a motorbike from Victoria to Westen Australia over the unsealed Nullaboar plains in 1975 400 Kls of bulldust and corregations what a ride ( no wonder our backs are out lol) I liked your story and the way your blank verse read, question Did you go up to the Starlight lookout? the Pelican's made a fitting end to your bumpy ride. Cheers Christine
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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Chrissy, thanks for the lovely review and the virtual six. Sounds like you have seen much more of Australia than I have - motorbike across the Nullarbor in those days would have been a real adventure!
Steve
Comment from Rosebuds4us
Wow...a story set into a poetry body, I really read your poem with ease and curiosity. It is wonderful that you have written a poem with Captain Starlight as part of your inspiration. The poem flows. It has clarity and ease to read.
Thank you for sharing it
Cecelia L McSweeney
rosebuds4us
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Wow...a story set into a poetry body, I really read your poem with ease and curiosity. It is wonderful that you have written a poem with Captain Starlight as part of your inspiration. The poem flows. It has clarity and ease to read.
Thank you for sharing it
Cecelia L McSweeney
rosebuds4us
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Cecelia, thanks for your kind words.
Yes, I decided to use the form for narrative on this occasion. I am glad you enjoyed the story.
Steve
Comment from Glasstruth
What a wonderful story. You've captured a marvelous flavor. It breathes Aussie all the way. Has a great flow and felt I could see it with your awesome descriptions. Well crafted. Les
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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What a wonderful story. You've captured a marvelous flavor. It breathes Aussie all the way. Has a great flow and felt I could see it with your awesome descriptions. Well crafted. Les
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Les.
Steve
Comment from NJK62
Wow! I recently joined this community to read poetry of this quality. The rhythm of blank verse is handled very well. Furthermore, the imagery at times is original and highly evocative: e.g. 'a rocky little wart/upon the face of brown and spreading plain' suggests to me a ugly, craggy outcrop in a flat landscape; and 'the sun... set/the western rim on fire, a blaze that spilled/across the vast expanse of outback sky' conveys a relentless heat and the vividness of the sunset. The poem ends with a lovely juxtaposition of the clumsiness of the pelicans on the ground and their grace and beauty in the air. No wonder you are described as an 'accomplished poet'. Many thanks fort sharing this with us.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Wow! I recently joined this community to read poetry of this quality. The rhythm of blank verse is handled very well. Furthermore, the imagery at times is original and highly evocative: e.g. 'a rocky little wart/upon the face of brown and spreading plain' suggests to me a ugly, craggy outcrop in a flat landscape; and 'the sun... set/the western rim on fire, a blaze that spilled/across the vast expanse of outback sky' conveys a relentless heat and the vividness of the sunset. The poem ends with a lovely juxtaposition of the clumsiness of the pelicans on the ground and their grace and beauty in the air. No wonder you are described as an 'accomplished poet'. Many thanks fort sharing this with us.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Hi! Welcome to FanStory. I have had a wee peek into your portfolio so far, and I am impressed with the quality of the work, so welcome aboard - we need more skilled poets. I look forward to reading and reviewing more of your work soon.
Thanks for the kind review and the six stars. I was really just experimenting with this 'blank verse as narrative' piece, keeping the iambics a little less pronounced than usual and perhaps a little less 'poetry' in the content, although you managed to find some that I slipped in. I suspect the judges will be less than impressed, but that's OK.
I'm more of a rhyme and meter merchant, anyway. Feel free to browse through my portfolio when and if you have time.
Steve
Steve
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Thanks. It was a real pleasure reading your work. Will certainly have a look at your portfolio.
Comment from MissMerri
Amazing description and vivid word painting in this well-written blank verse poem. The iambic pentameter seems flawless to me and the story-telling is captivating and delightful. After so many compliments and zero complaints, one might wonder why I don't rate it as Exceptional instead of Excellent. One reason only: Tom did not give me enough of those ratings and I ran out before I read this exceptional poem. It is Tom's fault, not yours. ;")
I suspect this will do well in the Blank Verse contest. I hope so.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Amazing description and vivid word painting in this well-written blank verse poem. The iambic pentameter seems flawless to me and the story-telling is captivating and delightful. After so many compliments and zero complaints, one might wonder why I don't rate it as Exceptional instead of Excellent. One reason only: Tom did not give me enough of those ratings and I ran out before I read this exceptional poem. It is Tom's fault, not yours. ;")
I suspect this will do well in the Blank Verse contest. I hope so.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Adonna.
Unlike you, I suspect the judges will go for something with a little more flair and flamboyance. This is deliberately a little low-key - seeking to tell a simple story, rather than setting the world on fire...
Steve
Comment from Naxsc
Beautifully written. Makes me feel the beauty of Australia and the Pelicans. Have to give cheers for the Pelicans that can make you feel great scare and then laugh about it later.
Great style. Loved the structure and flow.
Keep writing more!
All the best!
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Beautifully written. Makes me feel the beauty of Australia and the Pelicans. Have to give cheers for the Pelicans that can make you feel great scare and then laugh about it later.
Great style. Loved the structure and flow.
Keep writing more!
All the best!
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve