Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

Aww, Mummy ate Sidney's friend! Of course Sidney and mummy are snakes, and Sidney was told to eat his food up, robin eggs. If that was me, I'd rather eat those than a mouse!! Lol. Another gory story!! Lol. Thank goodness I've had my dinner. :)) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 07-May-2022

---

reply by the author on 07-May-2022

I figured snakes recover from loss easily.

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

Short and sweet fun story of slithery Sydney snake.

Poor Mickey. ;-)

' and headed further to where Sydney knew Mickey's family lived' - I'm not clear on this, as you say Sydney knew the location, but he hang around eating robin eggs, so how did his greedy Mum know? Maybe I missed something, but I thoroughly enjoyed the crazy shortie story.

Best wishes, Ray

 Comment Written 30-Dec-2015

---

reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015

Thank you, Ray, for the excellent review. Bill

Comment from Zue65

Excellent

Oh my this is about real snakes perhaps a mother and baby anaconda. Whew, what a plot and the author of course completed the story in just one hundred words. Thanks for sharing a unique story.

 Comment Written 30-Dec-2015

---

reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015

Thank you, Nassus, for the excellent review. Bill

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or throw up - lol. Entertaining story to say the least. It could be one for the tiny tales of terror even.
Teresa

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 09-Jul-2015

Thank you, Teresa, for sticking with it. Bill

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Lots of good misdirection going on in this story, Bill. I guess eating robin eggs isn't exactly the thing for Sydney but I guess it's better than eating Mickey.

The only thing that threw me off, and still throws me off, is why Sydney considered Mickey his friend. I'm guessing he must've been a mouse for Sydney's mom to have swallowed him whole, unless he was a rabbit. LOL.

Very fun write, Bill. It's not easy writing a whole story with all the component story parts in 100 words, but you did it.

Super job!

Gloria

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 09-Jul-2015

Thank you, Gloria, for the excellent review. I gave myself a hundred words and did not think to create a reason for 'kids' to be friends. Since you're the second person to call me on it, I'll have to see what small edit can make that unlikely connection between snake and mouse. Happy day. Bill

Comment from donalola

Excellent

Ugly snake! Good story Bill. If my mom could swallow my best friend...I'll run as far as I could...motherly love is not always safe, lol
All the best
Donalola

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015

Thank you, Donalola, for the excellent review. Bill

Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

I take it Mickey is a mouse and Sydney is a snake. Yuk, I think I would eat anything if my mother swallowed my best friend as well lol. I enjoyed this little tale and thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015

Thank you for the kind review. Bill

Comment from jpduck

Excellent

Nicely done. I didn't guess 'snake' until the last line, as intended.

One SPAG:

'Sydney sp*a*t the eggs back out and stuck out his tongue'


Adrian

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015

Terrific point to talk about with the verb "spit". My first version used 'had spit' (the past perfect tense). In revision, looking for words to lose, I removed the 'had'. It looked okay and actually sounded correct. Your SPAG notice sent me to the dictionary to discover that, although 'spat' is the proper past tense version, 'spit' is more used and accepted as a utility past tense form (at least in the U.S.). I'm explaining, not defending. Thank you for reviewing and keeping me honest. Bill

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

I guess snakes have to eat breakfast, too.
A couple of things puzzle me though. What is this business about Sydney surprising Mickey? I can't quite make sense of that part. And do snakes have friends?
I'm just full of questions.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015

Thank you for reviewing this. The sneaking up gave me a reason to have Sydney crawling on his belly, as a child might. As far as animal friends, most kids will be friends with anyone until their parents or society teach them otherwise. Anthropomorphic characters do what I tell them to do.

reply by humpwhistle on 08-Jul-2015

All characters do what authors write them to do. Still, it's appropriate for readers to question motivation. L

reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015

By limiting myself to a hundred words, some things are left to you. Perhaps in revision, without limitation, I can include an explanation of the oddity of animal behavior. I am enjoying this banter. Please don't read any sarcasm in my tone.

reply by humpwhistle on 08-Jul-2015

I appreciate this give and take, too, Bill. And please don't read any negativity in my tone. It's good to have discussions.

Now, the 100-word thing was your decision, right? If your story doesn't fit comfortably in 100 words, why place that arbitrary limitation on yourself?

If the rules require a word count, choose a story that will fit without sacrificing clarity. But if there are no word count restrictions, write a hell of a good story and count the flippin' words later.

I like the challenge of writing 100- or 60-word stories. But I don't cheat on the challenge. I have a story that really works, or I don't.

We can both write good 100-word stories. But they have to be complete stories we can tell entirely in 100 words. That's the challenge.

L

reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015

My intent in this story was more misdirection and revelation than character study or societal significance. The initial egg scene I hoped would seem like a kid spitting out food and making a yuck face with his tongue.
I like short stories because people will re-read them when something doesn't fall in line with what they thought was going on. When a novel doesn't make sense people tend to set it down and look elsewhere.

reply by humpwhistle on 08-Jul-2015

I understand misdirection, and I think the opening works. I thought is was a kid.
But you didn't follow up on that story, you started another one. You don't explain Mickey or why he's 'sitting' there, or what he's eating. You leave this reader thinking you left something out.

I expect other readers don't share my concerns.

What counts is what you think.

L

Comment from Mary H-W

Excellent

So Sydney and his Mom are snakes, right? Are Mickey and his family all robins?
Regardless, I like the 'feel' of the story. My first run through, when I wasn't wide awake enough to concentrate, I thought it was humorous 'nonsense'. Now I suspect it's not nonsense afterall!

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015

People think Mickey is a Robin, which is fine. I figured Mickey 'mouse'. Thank you for giving it a look.

reply by Mary H-W on 07-Jul-2015

ah-ha!