Comment from pharp

Excellent

Excellent job, the syllable count is spot on, however the title of your haiku must be the same as the first line Haiku (must get out of bed) and usually the message should be something about nature. I tell your Christine, it took me a while and still sometimes I have problems interconnecting line one and two. However; I enjoyed it and I also need to close down this pad. Try working on it before the deadline. Pharp

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 19-May-2015

Thanks so much for you review and helpful comments. I must pay more attention to the brief as learning from this site and getting some good tips .enjoying you support Cheers Christine😊

Comment from A TARNISHED KNIGHT

Excellent

Ha ha My dear Lady C it will take quite a while before that obsession will start wane..My suggestion is too keep on keeping on..Soon on will only be a few hours a day instead of 8 + lol Good job on this
tk

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 19-May-2015

Yes T.K. Back on again and it's only 6.54am (ha,ha) trying out some new styles and will learn in time how to put them and the right content together. Thanks for your suggestions keeping on will be fairly easy lol Cheers Christine😱

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

Very creative. "Close down your i pad?" That line doesn't work for me. You turn off your ipad right? I don't think you close it down. At least that's not how I think about it. And Ipad is one word. Outside of that very funny and enjoyable.

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 19-May-2015

Thank you Michael ,as you can see I am back on (ha, ha.) I hadn't considered the words "close down" as not being correct ,and yes you are probably right turn off would have been better. I appreciate you tips Cheers Christine 😌

Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-I noticed you had entered the new arrivals contest at Fan Story and decided to look you up on your portfolio.
-The good thing about your haiku is that you followed the correct format of 5/7/5.
-The main thing about a haiku is that it should be about nature. It's a little confusing in the beginning, but your contest is not due until July, if it's the one offered by Fan Story.
-You have plenty of time to look at some haiku's on Fan Story to get some ideas. I will try to find some members whose I have reviewed and get back to you.
-I am also giving you a very good poetry website on which you can look up just about any kind of poetry you want http://www.shadowpoetry.com/index.html
You can go to your profile and edit at any time.

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 19-May-2015

Thank You .for your review and feedback and tips on how to fit the brief for the style of poetry I will do some research to learn more of what is required so thanks very much Cheers Christine

reply by Pam (respa) on 19-May-2015

You are very welcome.

Comment from kiwisteveh

Good

Hi, Christine - welcome to FanStory - and congratulations on jumping in with your first haiku. Perhaps as you gain more experience here you will see that your poem is closer to a senryu, which is similar to a haiku but deals with human nature.

I liked the withholding of what the obsession was unti the end.

good luck.

Steve

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 19-May-2015

Thanks Steve, I appreciate your comments and advice. I am learning all the time and enjoy the feedback so I may improve. Cheers Christine