Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

You reviewed my poem and I had a not seen your name before so I wanted to check out your page. I have skimmed though a couple of your chapters. This one caught my eye and I must say you have a talent for writing. This is heart rending to read. Your sister should have been safe for one night. The fact that no one was allowed to stay with her and she was treated so poorly certainly adds credence to your suspicions. It is probably impossible to get anyone to officially look into it. Children instinctively know who loves them so I say that adds even more to the possibility that she was murdered. Too bad there was no way for you to rescue the children. I feel so bad for them.

 Comment Written 29-May-2015

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reply by the author on 30-May-2015

Thank you for your kind comments.

Some of her children have found their way out of the religion, sadly others have learned to lie and use others.

Of her daughters we are not sure where they are, I also have a missing daughter.

Comment from Walu Feral

Excellent

G'day Coral. Wow mate! That is a powerfully emotional chapter and so sad. What a nightmare that must have been. What would Joesph Smith have said I wonder?

A few suggestions, see what you think...

" Lying in the hospital bed, unable to speak or move(her) limbs, only(-only) her eyes her(-her) show her fear and humiliation."

"Thomas's(Thomas') father would indicate that if she "satisfied" her husband he would provide food for her babies."

"after a few date's(dates) they think(thought) they are(were) in love."

Cheers Fez

 Comment Written 09-May-2015

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reply by the author on 10-May-2015

My Father believed that when his heart stopped for 30 minutes he walked with Joseph Smith. His father and grandfather were bodyguards for Joseph Smith. Personally from most of what I have seen and learned through the years I am not a believer in one religion. I believe there is something but not one religion has the right to claim they only know God.
Anyone that is different is abused by others, and if we have something to believe in good.
Some stories of JS are a little unusual. I am not sure if he was a good man.

Comment from Janet7053

Excellent

Did you think to ask why did Thomas do such a thing? Like you said, those were teachings of a cult, not laws of the God I serve.
Very well written.
Gives us a view of another place where sin doth abound.

 Comment Written 08-May-2015

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reply by the author on 08-May-2015

I know why Thomas did this, actually I explained; He was trying to please his father, just as Dale tried to please her parents.
I gave my beliefs to God for almost 50 years.
If one wants to believe they have the right, it's when innocent's are harmed that things cannot be excused.

Thank so much for your kind review.

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Average

"hundred's" should be "hundreds". "mother of eight" should be "a Mother of eight". "slip fall" should be "slip and fall". Overall seems like a complete waste of time, unless you did not mean to actually post this, because if you did mean to post it then it leaves an awful lot to be desired.

 Comment Written 07-May-2015

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reply by the author on 10-May-2015

Thank you, have revised this one.

Comment from Shirley McLain

Average

I'm liked what I read but I don't consider this a chapter. It's to short. Maybe I've missed something. I've not read anything else in this book. Keep writing. Have a blessed afternoon.

 Comment Written 07-May-2015

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reply by the author on 10-May-2015

Thank you.
I finished the story but will constantly try to fix it.