Comment from misscookie

Excellent

Bravo
I'm glad to read a poem on a mans broken hearts I have seen this happen to my sons and I cried through their pain. Not many people think men have feeling too. God bless you for spreading the news.
Cookie

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015

misscookie you are so welcome. Thank you for your wonderful support and comments. You know how much I always appreciate them.

reply by misscookie on 29-Apr-2015

You're very welcome and it is my pleasure .
Cookie

Comment from flamingstar

Excellent

Wow, this is such a creative response to the prompt and one that resonated for many of us, I'm sure. It's so gratifying to discover you've really conquered the heartache that goes with betrayal - one of life's most difficult lessons, really.

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015

Thanks for your comments and support.

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

You really create quite an atmosphere in this, and the last line is great and fits in with the contest requirements. "No, she didn't lock her door but I sure did." This is a story in a poem, with the girl calling the ex-boyfriend because her current love has walked out on her. It's a story of what goes around comes around. The narrator has decided to move on without her. Excellent rhyme and the language is just right for the character. I see that parts of this would be simply narrated rather than sung. Great work and best of luck in the contest. judi

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015

Thanks for your comments and support.

reply by judiverse on 28-Apr-2015

You're very welcome. judi

Comment from Chris Tee

Excellent

Another excellent write from a very proficient Wordsmith. I can now see that you are the lyrics king here at Fanstory. Well done and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015

Thanks for your comments and support. First time I have ever been referred to as a Lyrics King. Catchy. Thanks for that too.

Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

This is an old tale. What do they say? You don't know what you got till it's gone. I think the guy was right not to let her back. Good luck in the contest, and thank you for sharing, Well done.

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015

Thank you for your comments and support. Appreciate them very much.

Comment from jennifdrake

Excellent

I enjoyed reading this story and how you creatively prefaced what you wrote with the lead-ins: "and then I said." You pulled me in and I could feel the emotional journey. I kept thinking that you might let her back in towards the ending, and was pleasantly surprised when you wrote, "No, she didn't lock her door, but, I sure did."

Good job! I look forward to reading more from you.

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015

Thank you for your comments and support.

Comment from Megalips

Excellent

You got both a story and a poem (lyrics) in one here...your signature country style with that 'somebody left somebody' scenario, and then the 'on second thought'. Well done on the lyrics and cadence. Good luck in the contest!

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015

Thank you for your comments. Appreciate them.

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Brett...

Great story from the man's pov. I'm glad he didn't take her back by closing the door on her. (*<*)

>>> Change lower case [i] to upper case (I)...
Can you please tell me why I lost the love i(I) had with you?

Great entry for the contest. Good luck.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015

Thanks for your comments and support.

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Exceptional

I loved this poem. I think it would make a great country song too. I like the rhythm and the tone. It was easy to follow and kept my interest all the way to the end,

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015

Appreciate your comments and support a whole lot.

Comment from Pyrrho

Excellent

Good for you. Most responses to these competitions are total bores, but at last I read the thoughts that mimic my own. Screw broken hearts, when one walks away from my love I say "on to the next and screw the last one."

the love i had with you... i =>I

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015

Thanks for your comments and support. As A Country Music Songwriter I learned a long time ago you can't please everybody so just please yourself. And so many others on this site blow me away with their comments and support of my Country lyrics. How else do you explain 8 All-Time Best Country Music lyrics and 1 Christian music lyric, especially when they were my very first attempt at writing Christian lyrics, and in less than 2 months time, as that is all I have been on this site?

reply by Pyrrho on 27-Apr-2015

As Dan Jenkins wrote in what I consider the funniest book ever written, "Baja Oklahoma,"
1) Up here with all that Corn Whiskey, Smokey Mountain, Bluegrass, Jesus saves, Moma-Done-Good Bull Shit.
2) Lord I hate to let you go.
Your body drives me wild,
But you're a non-smoking window,
And I'm a smoking isle.
3) Her bluejeans were as dirty as the thoughts that crossed my mind.