Comment from thomdble

Excellent

What a repulsive person Mr. C is. Repulsive is even too kind. I am so sorry for any of this behavior you witness. This is well written though you should go back over it and catch some editing errors. Again, I am sorry for your being in this situation but I thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 29-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

Thank you!
This was so long ago.
I find this experience funny and just another experience growing up.

Comment from Walu Feral

Excellent

Hahahaha! Here I am thinking raw lizard fat was bad LOL. Old Mr C can keep his sweat to himself if I'm going to eat his pancakes. You are doing really well and I am proud of you. Keep 'em coming, cheers Fez

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015

Thank you.

You are the best teacher.

Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

HI cbat,

Wow - what an awful story. Ee-oo!

Quite a tale to tell your grandchildren.

There are several errors in punctuation.

Full marks for a tale well told, though.

Sonali


E.g.... I worked at an establishment called the "Miracle Manor"(,) one of many homes Mr (C)linger owned.

(One) Saturday my manager immediately sent me to the kitchen to help with breakfast.
I walked into the kitchen to see Mr Clinger holding a huge metal bowl(,) beating batter.
(Line space)
"Making pancakes(,)" (h)e proudly announced.
(Line space)
It was hot in this huge kitchen, (h)e was tall and portly.

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015

Thank you for your review.

I am trying to apply suggestions. Sometime my head is hard to penetrate.

reply by Selina Stambi on 26-Mar-2015

You're doing a great job. It just takes time, dear. :)

Comment from J. Allen Whitt

Good

An interesting story with colorful characters. I probably won't eat pancakes soon! I did notice a comma splice or two, e.g., "...down in the kitchen, I was instructed..." Also, I believe you changed tenses at least once. Proofread carefully.

 Comment Written 25-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015

I have revised this story but still feel that it is not quite right.
Thanks again for the help.

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

I don't think we really want to know what foreign substance get into our food chain. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.

 Comment Written 25-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015

Thank you!

reply by c_lucas on 25-Mar-2015

You're welcome, Cbat. Charlie