I Feel Fine
a short free verse24 total reviews
Comment from Megalips
Very clever way to approach "I Feel Fine" as a topic. I have no doubt upon reading that you have experienced the pain your portraying because I can feel it when I read it, and not all poetry does that. Just curious...no Caps except for "I"...it works great (something hidden?)....suggestion of inferiority complex? Maybe nothing. Just wondering.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Very clever way to approach "I Feel Fine" as a topic. I have no doubt upon reading that you have experienced the pain your portraying because I can feel it when I read it, and not all poetry does that. Just curious...no Caps except for "I"...it works great (something hidden?)....suggestion of inferiority complex? Maybe nothing. Just wondering.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2015
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Hello Megalips :)
Thank you so much for your generous 6 star award and lovely feedback.
Yep, writing from the heart with this one - some people can be careless with our feelings can't they??
The no caps thing - no inferiority complex, not this time! It was just my stream of thought... I didn't want to break it up by over thinking the punctuation, the line breaks were enough for me :)
Again, it was good to write this out of my system, although the feelings linger and land from time to time...
Best wishes, Debra x
Comment from Justin Chopin
Very concise and very honest Debra. The subject matter was dark but it does deal with a very depressing fact of life that somewhere in our lives somebody is going to betray us. The image of the woman writhing in pain from being betrayed along with the smile she puts on for the Judas who destroyed her was a very powerful image. Great job .
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Very concise and very honest Debra. The subject matter was dark but it does deal with a very depressing fact of life that somewhere in our lives somebody is going to betray us. The image of the woman writhing in pain from being betrayed along with the smile she puts on for the Judas who destroyed her was a very powerful image. Great job .
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much, Justin for your great feedback and generous 6 star award. I appreciate it! Kindest regards, Debra :)
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You're welcome Debra.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Hassled Mum (and fruit lover!),
This brief piece is quite profound. It begs to be read slowly and sinks deep.
Best wishes for the contest, dear. Nice one.
Love,
Sonali :)
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Hi Hassled Mum (and fruit lover!),
This brief piece is quite profound. It begs to be read slowly and sinks deep.
Best wishes for the contest, dear. Nice one.
Love,
Sonali :)
Comment Written 23-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Hi Sonali :) Thank you so much for your lovely feedback and good luck wishes, I appreciate both, although I had no chance of competing in the booth - the quality of some of the other entries was outstanding!
Hoping you are well...
Kindest regards as always, love Debra xx
Comment from Leineco
Great snap shot poem Deb - while we could elaborate endlessly, the bottom line is - betrayal is met in one of two ways:
An eye for an eye
or
stoic silence
Wary, but powerless - we often have no choice but accept the second. I guess it's best described as the best diplomatic solution. It burns under the skin - but outwardly, we refuse to give them the satisfaction of knowing the internal bleeding they have inflicted.
Strong write!
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Great snap shot poem Deb - while we could elaborate endlessly, the bottom line is - betrayal is met in one of two ways:
An eye for an eye
or
stoic silence
Wary, but powerless - we often have no choice but accept the second. I guess it's best described as the best diplomatic solution. It burns under the skin - but outwardly, we refuse to give them the satisfaction of knowing the internal bleeding they have inflicted.
Strong write!
Comment Written 23-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Thank you, lorraine, for understanding :) love Deb x
Comment from adewpearl
great pairing of quotation and poem
good use of enjambment
excellent alliteration in biting/blade/back
and feel fine
powerfully evocative with intense emotional appeal
Brooke
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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great pairing of quotation and poem
good use of enjambment
excellent alliteration in biting/blade/back
and feel fine
powerfully evocative with intense emotional appeal
Brooke
Comment Written 23-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Brooke, for your great feedback :)
Kindest regards as always, Debra x
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the picture. Only friends and family betray you. We often let them do it time after time. They stab us in the back and some how convince us it will never happen again. But it does. We have to let the betrayers go. Great work.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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I love the picture. Only friends and family betray you. We often let them do it time after time. They stab us in the back and some how convince us it will never happen again. But it does. We have to let the betrayers go. Great work.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Ellie for your insightful comments. I also hugely appreciate your 6 star award. Thank you :) Kindest regards as always, debra x
Comment from Bill Schott
E tu Brute? It is a time-honored truth that loyalty and trust are the definitions of family. Friends get family status when they display and act with these values. All others are acquaintances and intimate strangers. Nice capture of the tone.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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E tu Brute? It is a time-honored truth that loyalty and trust are the definitions of family. Friends get family status when they display and act with these values. All others are acquaintances and intimate strangers. Nice capture of the tone.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Bill, for your great feedback. Kindest regards, Debra :)
Comment from Smoothiecool
your words work well to portray the title of your poem
you allow the reader to see and feel the anguish and fear waiting for the next blow to come
good imagery
good enjambment in sentences to allow free flow
good alliteration in
biting, back
feel, fine
good use of "E" assonance
flows easy to understand
cheers Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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your words work well to portray the title of your poem
you allow the reader to see and feel the anguish and fear waiting for the next blow to come
good imagery
good enjambment in sentences to allow free flow
good alliteration in
biting, back
feel, fine
good use of "E" assonance
flows easy to understand
cheers Smoothiecool
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Faye for your great feedback. Kindest regards as always, Debra :)
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most welcome...SC <:> Faye
Comment from krys123
Debra;
+ Good use of enjambment where does the running on a rate thought, idea and concept for what a verse, couple a line to the next without a syntactical break.
+ Excellent imagery what is quite distinct and clear and at quizzically expressive and demonstratively and vividly descriptive.
+ Pictures definitely relative, appropriate, reflective and complementary to the poem.
+ Poetic assessment summary: I found this poem so truly to real life quite an example of how it's so true that betrayal is not part of an enemy situation cutely caused by someone you are friends with her know very well.
+ Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Debra;
+ Good use of enjambment where does the running on a rate thought, idea and concept for what a verse, couple a line to the next without a syntactical break.
+ Excellent imagery what is quite distinct and clear and at quizzically expressive and demonstratively and vividly descriptive.
+ Pictures definitely relative, appropriate, reflective and complementary to the poem.
+ Poetic assessment summary: I found this poem so truly to real life quite an example of how it's so true that betrayal is not part of an enemy situation cutely caused by someone you are friends with her know very well.
+ Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much, Alex, for your great feedback. Kindest regards as always, Debra :)
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You are so sincerely welcome my dear friend.
Alex
Comment from reconciled
Ello...Debra. Splendid description of the rat once bitten waiting to be consumed. the poison of the snake is un-mistakably deadly. I would change the last word to 'attack'...-wink- ..Alright, body armor and bullets prevent injury...lock and load. love bug-
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Ello...Debra. Splendid description of the rat once bitten waiting to be consumed. the poison of the snake is un-mistakably deadly. I would change the last word to 'attack'...-wink- ..Alright, body armor and bullets prevent injury...lock and load. love bug-
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Hi Michael :) Thank you so much for your great feedback. Hope all is well with you... Kindest regards as always, debra x