Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Yeah, I can see how being buried alive is a fear many people have, if that is what you're saying. The last line makes me a bit unsure if the person is already dead or not. Interesting.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015

Thank you so much. You have a deep mind! ;)

Comment from Curly Girly

Excellent

This horror-haiku appears to meet all the necessary criteria, and your syllable count is correct. What a hopeless future for that lost soul....

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015

Thank you so much!

Comment from kiwisteveh

Excellent

Many people's biggest fear, so a good topic for this horror contest.

Your first two lines do a good job of depicting the terror of the situation. For me, the last line doesn't really work - too polite perhaps, or something not quite right about 'once more' - too formal maybe. Would you consider something more desperate to show tthe terror of the coffin's occupant?

Good luck.

Steve

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015

Thank you so much. What great advice!

How about this...


eyes rise within black
rotting air chills my coffin
eternal unrest

reply by kiwisteveh on 16-Mar-2015

yes, that'[s better - in my opinion anyway!

reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015

Thank you. I like it a lot better Steve!