Paper Dolls and Toy Soldiers
Viewing comments for Prologue "Paper Dolls"selections for seal submission
17 total reviews
Comment from Six-Star Writer
Okay, I don't know if your just blowing smoke, but I like all the usual poetry players. Flow, meter, imagery, etc., but I'm confused about whose neck you want to wrap the smoke noose around. I HATE smoking, but I LOVED your poem..
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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Okay, I don't know if your just blowing smoke, but I like all the usual poetry players. Flow, meter, imagery, etc., but I'm confused about whose neck you want to wrap the smoke noose around. I HATE smoking, but I LOVED your poem..
Comment Written 04-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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Thanks for the kind words. That would be the lady I'm sleeping with. He feels trapped by his life including his wife/mate. So, just a mean shot at her out of his frustration. Glad you liked it. I write all the forms and stuff, but THIS is my real style. Glad you liked it. Thanks again. mike
Comment from Sankey
Another complex poem mate. Shouldn't be smoking in bed you mad man! I was interested in the phrase "it is the line between
captivation and captivity" IN other words between what you are drawn to , interested in and the other option of being stuck or imprisoned in something not so enjoyable. Good work Deep as you are, often in my opinion anyway.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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Another complex poem mate. Shouldn't be smoking in bed you mad man! I was interested in the phrase "it is the line between
captivation and captivity" IN other words between what you are drawn to , interested in and the other option of being stuck or imprisoned in something not so enjoyable. Good work Deep as you are, often in my opinion anyway.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2013
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thoughtful comments. very kind. life is more interesting if a bit mad. haha regards. mike
Comment from adewpearl
Effective opening line imagery that drew me right in
good alliteration in still in a circle of sorts
and in silently slip and in other lines
I love the pairing of captivation and captivity - very clever
smoke-filled room - add the hyphen
Very effective repetition of I curse to intensify that emotion
Brooke
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Effective opening line imagery that drew me right in
good alliteration in still in a circle of sorts
and in silently slip and in other lines
I love the pairing of captivation and captivity - very clever
smoke-filled room - add the hyphen
Very effective repetition of I curse to intensify that emotion
Brooke
Comment Written 10-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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high praise indeed from one of my favorite poets. very humbled. thank you so much. I continue to learn. mike
Comment from Spitfire
Brilliant! The narrator realizes he created his world and has to take responsibility like it or now. (at least, that's how I read it) Love the images about ways to escape,.
Favorite lines:
I always seem to follow toy soldiers
even though I've always preferred paper dolls
also noted:the caress of ignorance.
I hope you find the portal you're seeking and find your purpose in a dimenion with no locks.
Welcome to FS.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Brilliant! The narrator realizes he created his world and has to take responsibility like it or now. (at least, that's how I read it) Love the images about ways to escape,.
Favorite lines:
I always seem to follow toy soldiers
even though I've always preferred paper dolls
also noted:the caress of ignorance.
I hope you find the portal you're seeking and find your purpose in a dimenion with no locks.
Welcome to FS.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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it is thrilling and so affirming to find someone that understands what I am saying. this and everything else I have written has sat on a shelf all my life unread. you make me want to write and show it to people. I don't have words to tell you how much your thoughts mean to me. thank you so very much. mike
Comment from songbyrd
it is the line between
captivation and captivity I think we've all been there at one time or another. We want to leave, but want to stay...the pain begins to set in..we feel like we're trapped within the walls of something that once made us feel happy and free... Relationships and even many people are just not what they lead us to believe, then once they have our hearts, the true colors shine thru..You used really good words of comparison..just a really good write. I'm tired, so forgive me if I have typos..Iris
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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it is the line between
captivation and captivity I think we've all been there at one time or another. We want to leave, but want to stay...the pain begins to set in..we feel like we're trapped within the walls of something that once made us feel happy and free... Relationships and even many people are just not what they lead us to believe, then once they have our hearts, the true colors shine thru..You used really good words of comparison..just a really good write. I'm tired, so forgive me if I have typos..Iris
Comment Written 10-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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so very thoughtful my friend. such is life I suppose. but, without that what would we have to write about? tired too, if there were any typos I didn't notice. pleasant dreams, mike
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Michael,
We all go through times like that in our lives and writing out our feelings is very therapeutic. I particularly enjoyed: I curse the architect that builds a room designed for captivity. That's very creative.
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Hi Michael,
We all go through times like that in our lives and writing out our feelings is very therapeutic. I particularly enjoyed: I curse the architect that builds a room designed for captivity. That's very creative.
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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thank you so much. I must admit it was fun to write this. ha! warm regards, mike
Comment from Lylise
Wow!! Extremely cool. This grabbed me right away and I couldn't stop reading until it was ended. I have many thoughts on this piece. First, your perception of what you see and feel and your interpretation of this. I love your writing. You start at square one and pull the reader in one quirky notch at a time. Then you let it back out like kite string. My favorite line is ..it is the line between captivation and captivity.... brilliant, sir. Just brilliant. I think this is an interesting stroll through your mind and I for one really, really liked it and thank you large for journey. Lynda
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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Wow!! Extremely cool. This grabbed me right away and I couldn't stop reading until it was ended. I have many thoughts on this piece. First, your perception of what you see and feel and your interpretation of this. I love your writing. You start at square one and pull the reader in one quirky notch at a time. Then you let it back out like kite string. My favorite line is ..it is the line between captivation and captivity.... brilliant, sir. Just brilliant. I think this is an interesting stroll through your mind and I for one really, really liked it and thank you large for journey. Lynda
Comment Written 08-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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I can't tell you how happy I am you liked this. I was thinking when I posted this "okay, lets see what they think of the way I really write." a wonderful and encouraging review. I am doing a very festive dance on all those stars. thank you so much! mike
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You are most welcome. I'm slumming through your profile so there will be more reviews. However, the alcohol is climbing up my spine and making me stupid so I may have to resume this tomorrow. :)
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"the alcohol is climbing up my spine and making me stupid" can I steal that? what a great line! enjoy, mike
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LMFAO!!!! Giggle Giggle. Too funny!!
Comment from jlsavell
hello Michaelcahill,
I find this poem to be filled with many exceptional devices as each word and each phrase chosen for maximum effectiveness. I liken it to the force of an explosion which is proportionate to the strength of the powder used and the smallness of the space of which it is confined. You have a gift of using symbol and irony as well as allusion (resonating Sylvia Plath) and metaphorical theatre.
A good writer of poetry, especially free verse achieves compression by exercising a rigid selectivity and while his thoughts might run faster than the speed of sound, he finds the exact precision of extracting what he wants to convey.
Your exquisite poem is the canvas of true figurative language. Such technique affords us imaginative pleasure. The author gives us a taste of life, his life, as unable to escape the burdens of his circumstance.
The reader takes leaps and bounds through the recesses of the author's mind. The sudden leaps or shift of thought pattern illustrate the mental anguish and confusion, and though each phrase creates a different image, one begins to see the likeness of unlike things such as staring into a fire and seeing castles and cities and knights. The smoke rings binds each phrase and thought, thus creating a likeness between wants and dreams, disappointments, disillusionment, and anguish.
If I had one criticism, it would be to do away with the author's notes. Good readers of poetry will decipher its work and if they cannot then the poet will hone his technique to deliver on the next. However, I do understand. Not all Fanstorians are good readers of poetry for they understand little of poetic devices employed by the wordsmith.
A beautiful work.. jls
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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hello Michaelcahill,
I find this poem to be filled with many exceptional devices as each word and each phrase chosen for maximum effectiveness. I liken it to the force of an explosion which is proportionate to the strength of the powder used and the smallness of the space of which it is confined. You have a gift of using symbol and irony as well as allusion (resonating Sylvia Plath) and metaphorical theatre.
A good writer of poetry, especially free verse achieves compression by exercising a rigid selectivity and while his thoughts might run faster than the speed of sound, he finds the exact precision of extracting what he wants to convey.
Your exquisite poem is the canvas of true figurative language. Such technique affords us imaginative pleasure. The author gives us a taste of life, his life, as unable to escape the burdens of his circumstance.
The reader takes leaps and bounds through the recesses of the author's mind. The sudden leaps or shift of thought pattern illustrate the mental anguish and confusion, and though each phrase creates a different image, one begins to see the likeness of unlike things such as staring into a fire and seeing castles and cities and knights. The smoke rings binds each phrase and thought, thus creating a likeness between wants and dreams, disappointments, disillusionment, and anguish.
If I had one criticism, it would be to do away with the author's notes. Good readers of poetry will decipher its work and if they cannot then the poet will hone his technique to deliver on the next. However, I do understand. Not all Fanstorians are good readers of poetry for they understand little of poetic devices employed by the wordsmith.
A beautiful work.. jls
Comment Written 08-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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a most thoughtful and detailed review. very encouraging to me as a poet to be understood and also educational as I am not well versed in technical matters. I agree with your advice regarding the authors notes. on the other hand I do want to encourage the reader to give a piece another look perhaps so they may learn to read with a mind that sees a bit differently. thank you very much. warmest regards, mike
Comment from TAB_that's me
It sounds a lot like my old life with my former husband - stuck, wanting out, loving someone else, going crazy. If I wouldn't have finally left I would have ended up in the phyche ward at the hospital. You have written an excellent poem and I can tell you from my experience that writing helps the emotions and many of my best poems come from emotional writing. Blessings Mike.
~Teresa~
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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It sounds a lot like my old life with my former husband - stuck, wanting out, loving someone else, going crazy. If I wouldn't have finally left I would have ended up in the phyche ward at the hospital. You have written an excellent poem and I can tell you from my experience that writing helps the emotions and many of my best poems come from emotional writing. Blessings Mike.
~Teresa~
Comment Written 08-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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thank you so much for your understanding and kind words. I was afraid no one would get this one. But, I was wrong. I did enjoy writing this I must say. take care, mike
Comment from Darkhorse555
MY GOD MICK YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A HOLE IN THE CIRCLE HA HA BLAGGARDING HAVING THE CRACK OH THATS THE FIRST I HEARD OF THAT DANCE MOVE IT MUST BE THE PEACE PIPE SMOKE IN THE BRAIN EXCELLENT PIECE MY FRIEND
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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MY GOD MICK YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A HOLE IN THE CIRCLE HA HA BLAGGARDING HAVING THE CRACK OH THATS THE FIRST I HEARD OF THAT DANCE MOVE IT MUST BE THE PEACE PIPE SMOKE IN THE BRAIN EXCELLENT PIECE MY FRIEND
Comment Written 08-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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hahaha. thank you. gotta lay that pipe down once in a while. can't find the door for all the smoke! mike