Comment from Galactia

Good

Great job with your Ottava Rima poem. Your rhyme scheme across all stanza's are spot on. PERFECT, just found minor errors with your poem.

The Ottava Rima poem requires all lines to be eaither 10 syllables or 11 syllables not both.majority of your lines are 10 syllables so just a suggestion, i'd fix the following lines and make them 10 as well.



Stanza 2, line 1: But Jack would storm from ambush, guns a-thunder.(11)

Stanza 2 line 4: Wherever there was wealth, Jack sought his plunder.(11)

Stanza 6, line 2: For morning, noon and night the youngster prattled. (11)

Stanza 6,line 4: His nerves were gone, his sanity was rattled.

Stanza 6, line 6: For never have I such a critter battled."
(11)

Have a wonderful easter:)

Regards
Tia

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 Comment Written 28-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013

Thanks, Tia - glad you enjoyed.

We will have to agree to disagree about the syllables - I can find no other reference that insists on that rule for the form (and I have just spent quite some time checking!). I did find lots of examples of stanzas with 10 and 11 syllables mixed and I noted that Byron in his massive Don Juan which is cited as the most famous ottava rima poem in English, quite happily used 10, 11 and even 12 syllables.

You will notice that the places where I have jumped to 11 syllables are all lines ending with feminine (double) rhyme e.g. thunder/plunder/asunder and rattled/prattled/battled - this is common in most iambic pentameter forms.

Thanks for your kind Easter wishes - same back to you.

Steve

Comment from misscookie

Excellent

I like the artwork
you choose to g owtih your poem.
I thought it was a perfect match.I enjoyed reading your poem
And the message is loud and clear.
Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013

Thank you.
Have a nice day.

reply by misscookie on 27-Mar-2013

Your very welcome, until next time

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this ottava rima about the kidnapping of the kid that made the kidnapper give him bak. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013

Thank you!

Comment from GWinterwin

Excellent

This is a nice Western poem about cactus Jack. Sounds like he had quite a time and turned out bad in the end. Your words tell a good story here about a kidnapping and it turning out to be more trouble and it was worth.

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013

Thank you!

Comment from janalma

Exceptional

Well, you've sold me. Kidnapping ain't the way to make my fortune. This is wonderful. I truly am impressed by the skill displayed here. Had me grinning and, tho I've read, The Ransom Of Red Chief, I still wondered what was going to happen in this story. Excellent.

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013

Thanks for the kind words and the six stars!
Re-read the O henry story last night - a true classic.

Comment from TDLRasmar

Excellent

I think you have a hit here. It reminded me of the poems I read in grade school. Plus, I'm a sucker about the wild, wild west and I live in Jesse James country. Family legend has it that my great grandma dated Frank James.

Nice twist at the end, though it was a little predictable once the annoying kid started up.

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013

Yeah, not hard to guess what's coming up - in the original they had to pay to take him back!

Comment from Black_Oxygen

Excellent

This is a fun read. It held my interest from start to
finish. The rhymes are not forced and the user-friendly
language makes it easy to read. The attached photo is
a befitting accent that enhances the message. Thank
You for your creation.

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013

Thank you or the kind words.

Comment from nancyjam

Exceptional

Wow! This was great reading. I enjoyed your
story of Cactus Jack who met his match in a
little inquisitive boy!
Clever rhyming and excellent meter and form.
Well done. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013

Thanks so much for the kind words and the six stars.

Comment from words

Excellent

I got a good giggle out of your well told tale of a kidnapping gone bad. LOL

Love your ending:His nerves were gone, his sanity was rattled.
At last he cried, "Of kidnapping I'm cured!
For never have I such a critter battled."
He quickly penned a note, "Please take him back.
I can't take this no more, Yours, Cactus Jack."

Hugs, d

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013

Thank you for the lovely review.

Comment from Cariboubill

Exceptional

An unbelievable job to write six verses and get the rhyme scheme right all the way. It tells an interesting story. This poem shows real competence in "word Weaving". Very enjoyable.
...Bill

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013

Thanks, Bill.