Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Christmas in the Mailbox"A collection of my poems
12 total reviews
Comment from Cornelius2000
Nicely done, nicely done....I liked your rollicking meter, and your rhyming is perfect. You've managed to take an unlikely event and turn it into a fun read.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
  |
Nicely done, nicely done....I liked your rollicking meter, and your rhyming is perfect. You've managed to take an unlikely event and turn it into a fun read.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
-
Thank you.....
... and thanks for reading my work throughout 2012 - all the best for the new year.
Steve
Comment from Rondeno
Why have I left myself without a six to give you? This is a wonderful poem! Everything about it is first-class: the lightly-tripping anapests, the internal and end-rhymes which never miss, the charm of the thing, the humor - and, best of all, that delightful Christmas ending!
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
|
Why have I left myself without a six to give you? This is a wonderful poem! Everything about it is first-class: the lightly-tripping anapests, the internal and end-rhymes which never miss, the charm of the thing, the humor - and, best of all, that delightful Christmas ending!
Comment Written 26-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
-
Thank you, Rondeno - so glad you enjoyed my little tale.
Steve
Comment from cvcopac
Merry Christmas. Love the story and the poems craftsmanship is something to write home about too. Anapestic ballad and makes for a pleasant read. Strong entry though I question the rhyming of 'it' with 'it.' Best of luck in the contest. cvc
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
|
Merry Christmas. Love the story and the poems craftsmanship is something to write home about too. Anapestic ballad and makes for a pleasant read. Strong entry though I question the rhyming of 'it' with 'it.' Best of luck in the contest. cvc
Comment Written 25-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
-
Thanks for that and for all the reviews throughout the year - appreciate it.
If you take another look at the stanza with lines ending in 'it' you will see that the rhyme really falls on the preceding syllable cleared it/repaired it/despaired. It/ declared. It..
Steve
-
Oooh, I should have seen that, (reading but not reading; shame) but you know, when the story is really good and so's the art; the art doesn't always show. Kenny
Comment from Deniz22
Pretty cute and well rhymed. Like this best:Our anger departed, we're far too soft-hearted;
For the chicks still unborn, there's no danger.
By bird we're outsmarted; Christmas spirit has started;
This family's all safe in their 'manger'.
Good job!
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
|
Pretty cute and well rhymed. Like this best:Our anger departed, we're far too soft-hearted;
For the chicks still unborn, there's no danger.
By bird we're outsmarted; Christmas spirit has started;
This family's all safe in their 'manger'.
Good job!
Comment Written 24-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
-
Thank you and all the best for 2013.
Steve
Comment from EMB
Hmm. When you used the word "outsmarted," I was really expecting something a bit more entertaining than this. This was a perfect example of what raising expectation can do to a work of art, but it happens mostly to movies and books. Quite frankly, you weren't outsmarted. You simply had a bird who knew the advantages of having a mailbox for a home, especially when considering a pending family.
It was a charming story.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
|
Hmm. When you used the word "outsmarted," I was really expecting something a bit more entertaining than this. This was a perfect example of what raising expectation can do to a work of art, but it happens mostly to movies and books. Quite frankly, you weren't outsmarted. You simply had a bird who knew the advantages of having a mailbox for a home, especially when considering a pending family.
It was a charming story.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
-
Thank you - I was hoping to get across that the bird was smart enough to know that she would receive mercy at Christmas time...
Steve
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Steve,
Now there's a poem, written as ever in perfect pitch and rhyme and meter, that could only come from a country dwelling softy. Mind you, we have a pair of blackbirds that come every bloody year and subject us to similar treatment.
Merry Xmas.
Regards
Reg
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
|
Dear Steve,
Now there's a poem, written as ever in perfect pitch and rhyme and meter, that could only come from a country dwelling softy. Mind you, we have a pair of blackbirds that come every bloody year and subject us to similar treatment.
Merry Xmas.
Regards
Reg
Comment Written 24-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
-
Thanks, Reg. 'Softy' seems a bit harsh coming from someone who writes about huglets and buglets!
Thanks for the kind wishes. All the best to you and yours for 2013.
Steve
Comment from strandregs
most enjoyable poem to read love bouncy rythm and duster with legs. and fun story and christmas spirit, but was expecting you to buy another letter box and donate the other to nature.Z.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
|
most enjoyable poem to read love bouncy rythm and duster with legs. and fun story and christmas spirit, but was expecting you to buy another letter box and donate the other to nature.Z.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
-
Nope, but we did put out an alternative box with a note for the mailman to use that until the family was fledged.
Thanks for the review and all the others over the year.
All the best for 2013.
Steve
Comment from adewpearl
Excellent use of alternate-line rhyming with the addition of an internal rhyme in lines a and c - that is most ambitious :-)
This sounds great read aloud with a good, steady cadence
Love the humor :-)
I love the shift in tone from annoyance and anger at the intruders to melted hearts once those birds produce a family of eggs :-) This is fantastic, Steve :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
 |
Excellent use of alternate-line rhyming with the addition of an internal rhyme in lines a and c - that is most ambitious :-)
This sounds great read aloud with a good, steady cadence
Love the humor :-)
I love the shift in tone from annoyance and anger at the intruders to melted hearts once those birds produce a family of eggs :-) This is fantastic, Steve :-) Brooke
Comment Written 24-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2012
-
Brooke, thank you so much for the kind words and the six stars - a real compliment.
All the best for 2013.
Comment from visionary1234
And merry Christmas to you, too, Steve ... trust you to come up with an un-Christmassy-with-a-delightfully-Christmassy-feel ABAB!
Blessings,
Sharyn
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2012
|
And merry Christmas to you, too, Steve ... trust you to come up with an un-Christmassy-with-a-delightfully-Christmassy-feel ABAB!
Blessings,
Sharyn
Comment Written 24-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2012
-
Thanks, Sharyn.
Seasons greetings to you too and all the best for 2013.
Steve
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Stevee, this is a very clever poem. I enjoyed reading your racy rhythm and great rhyme scheme. Mother birds can be merciless when they decide they need a special place for the babies. Giddy
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2012
|
Stevee, this is a very clever poem. I enjoyed reading your racy rhythm and great rhyme scheme. Mother birds can be merciless when they decide they need a special place for the babies. Giddy
Comment Written 24-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2012
-
Thanks, Giddy - glad you enjoyed.
Actually, I struggled with the rhythm and rhyme a little on this one - not to mention struggling with the ethics of protecting birds widely considered to be pests....
Merry Christmas - all the best for the festive season and the new year.
Steve