Comment from Ulla

Average

Hi Bill, this is just the fantasy story. You really took us on a ride and all because he was banged on his head.
Only one thing. Most paragraph starts a new line well before the former has been written. So it needs some format editing.
Great stuff, and good luck. All the best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 26-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018

Thanks, Ulla, for the review. I've seen a problem from writing to posting where the sentences shift. I've been through it a couple times chasing the line breaks.

The concept of this story seems to escape the readers. The whole idea is that the 'device' has already been detonated and everyone is reliving happenings in continually shifting roles. Manx sees a hint to this when he is unconscious after Lon bonked him. At the end, Othella and Shep (the dog) are where Lon and Manx were in the beginning.

Comment from Earl Corp

Excellent

You have a helluva imagination, coming up with alternative history like you did. The last paragraph confused me. Did they blow up and othello and shep watch it?

 Comment Written 26-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018

At some point history began repeating with different people and varied results. History began again with Othella and the dog where Manx and Ned were when the story started.

Comment from nomi338

Excellent

Oh, what a ride! You just wrote an exciting episode, one that had my pulse racing as I read it. You have the ability to create worlds that exist outside my own ability to completely understand or comprehend them. Good work.

 Comment Written 25-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 25-Nov-2018

Thanks, nomi. I hope to go nationwide in January. I?m pulling these up to revise and get some fresh input.

Comment from Sugarray77

Excellent

Wow, what a fast paced story to get the blood pumping. You wrote a very colorful tale that had a lot of moving pieces and parts. A good read that totally engrossed my attention. Well done, Bill.

All the best,

Melissa

 Comment Written 25-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 25-Nov-2018

Thanks, Melissa.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

A very frenetic story, with created presidential dynasties, and united Asian states to tempt the literary tastebuds in this writing contest. Imaginative and quick moving, a lot to digest with good characters, an interesting na name in Othello Shakespeare, and a very interesting device. Well done Bill, good luck, blessings. Roy
Suggestion: A lot of the sentences are disconnected line on line.

 Comment Written 25-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 25-Nov-2018

Thanks, Roy, for the great review. I?ve been through it a couple times to mend the line placements. Some2here between editing @nd posting they shift. I?ll give it @nother go.

reply by royowen on 25-Nov-2018

Well done

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

When I saw this was a contest entry, I guessed it could be a stand alone story. It has so many twists in it, I was really impressed. I realised at the end this was all happening in his unconscious mind after something had hit him on the head. It was really well done, Bill! :) Sandra xxx

 Comment Written 25-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 25-Nov-2018

I meant for the unconscious state to show a slide show of different realities that they had lived because of the igniting of the secret device that altered their realities. It's a tough first read.

reply by Sandra Stoner-Mitchell on 25-Nov-2018

It was, but so worth it. I've just read another of your stories, you had me in tears at the end. You've got a terrific talent, my friend. xx

Comment from GWHARGIS

Excellent

I had to think about this one for a minute before reviewing. It was a twisting turning tale of fantasy. But then it was a dream, a trauma induced vision and a horror with all those politicians rearing their ugly heads. But the best was Toledo being the grand city. Nice job.

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2012

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2012

Thank you for your kind and encouraging review. Bill

Comment from Norbanus

Excellent

We've had some interesting yarns spun for the 'Did you see that' prompt. But none more imaginative and creative than this one. It's a worthy effort. Good luck.

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2012

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2012

Thank you for the kind and encoraging review. Bill

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Love the word play in your title
Love the opening conversation and the attitude of the characters
Excellent dialogue throughout
a fascinating re-write of history
We've got the device, Manx - add comma for direct address
I can't stop this, Lon - add comma
Give it up, Manx - add comma
Love the ending as it refers back to the opening - a fun read :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 27-Nov-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Nov-2012

Thank you for your enthusiastic and helpful review. Bill

Comment from Capricorn30

Excellent

Politics, a strange device, the possibility of war, a military complex all greatly incorporated into a well-written story;
I like the suspense theme you have selected;
Good visual and audio effects, the reader gets the sense that they are participating in this non-stop action;
It was good knowing that they were viewing a "dawning sun";
I get the sense that this was Manx's dream--an excellent prose, that has this reviewer wondering and guessing upon conclusion!

 Comment Written 27-Nov-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Nov-2012

Thank you for your enthusiastic and thorough review. Bill

reply by Capricorn30 on 27-Nov-2012

You're welcome:)