My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 135 "Melting minds."All of my poems of release.
10 total reviews
Comment from Eliza M
Whoops! I missed this little gem Jaq. Must have been when I was cowering under the vile shadow of 'the clouds'!
Beauifully composed with fantasic use of imagery and metaphor. I love the play on 'wave-length' and 'surf'- clever!Good assonance/alliteration with entwined and entangled. Liz.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Whoops! I missed this little gem Jaq. Must have been when I was cowering under the vile shadow of 'the clouds'!
Beauifully composed with fantasic use of imagery and metaphor. I love the play on 'wave-length' and 'surf'- clever!Good assonance/alliteration with entwined and entangled. Liz.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Thanks once again Liz for your great review. :) Jaq x Hope the clouds have lifted and the shadows have gone. xxx
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes my friend this is oh so true when you have found your soul mate you are at one together well done on this write regards Jill
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Yes my friend this is oh so true when you have found your soul mate you are at one together well done on this write regards Jill
Comment Written 17-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2012
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Thank you Jill, much appreciated as always my friend. :) Jaq x
Comment from rama devi
What a beautiful, inspiring free verse with superb mystical overtones and a deeply reflective theme. I enjoyed the fluid flow, too, though it is somewhat impeded by odd punctuation choices and sentences with periods in the middle.
I few minutes ago i made an in depth review with detailed suggestions but my computer crashed. Rather then spend another half hour with noting each detail, I hope you do not mind if I simply offer an example edit with the changes incorporated for you to compare and decide if you like it. It's a shame my computer crashed at that moment! All that time lost, but at least I remember the suggestions.
here they are, in an example edit:
Oh, how our minds
melt into one.
Intellectual lovemaking?
Or just a
wavelength
we surf together?
Thoughts in tandem--
I know your
mind.
Reciprocal needs?
Or maybe a
cerebral connection
out with our
ken.
Minds awash with
similar thoughts,
take us to a
higher plain,
entwined and entangled
by psychic bonds
that wrap our minds
together.
Whatever it may be,
you are me
and
I am you--
together as one,
for eternity.
A beautiful work and fine presentation. Just needs fine tuning and polishing for spag nits that also improve flow.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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What a beautiful, inspiring free verse with superb mystical overtones and a deeply reflective theme. I enjoyed the fluid flow, too, though it is somewhat impeded by odd punctuation choices and sentences with periods in the middle.
I few minutes ago i made an in depth review with detailed suggestions but my computer crashed. Rather then spend another half hour with noting each detail, I hope you do not mind if I simply offer an example edit with the changes incorporated for you to compare and decide if you like it. It's a shame my computer crashed at that moment! All that time lost, but at least I remember the suggestions.
here they are, in an example edit:
Oh, how our minds
melt into one.
Intellectual lovemaking?
Or just a
wavelength
we surf together?
Thoughts in tandem--
I know your
mind.
Reciprocal needs?
Or maybe a
cerebral connection
out with our
ken.
Minds awash with
similar thoughts,
take us to a
higher plain,
entwined and entangled
by psychic bonds
that wrap our minds
together.
Whatever it may be,
you are me
and
I am you--
together as one,
for eternity.
A beautiful work and fine presentation. Just needs fine tuning and polishing for spag nits that also improve flow.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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My dear rd thank you so much. I will look at this when I get home xx
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:-)) xxoo
Comment from reconciled
Beautiful write...out of sixes.
Yep...thats the stuff I'm looking for.
-smile- Glad you found yours
love michael
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Beautiful write...out of sixes.
Yep...thats the stuff I'm looking for.
-smile- Glad you found yours
love michael
Comment Written 14-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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I haven't, but doesn't stop me dreaming :) Jaq xx
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Never stop...dreaming. let me share one of my favorite poems. By Sarah Teasdale..... "over the roofs" I have shut my heart, as one shuts an open door, that love may starve therein and trouble me no more.But over the roofs there came the wet new wind of May and a tune blew up from the curb where the street pianos play.
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Lovely Michael :) x
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Heres the ending...my room was white with sun and love cried out in me"I am strong and i will break your heart unless you set me free. love that poem Michael
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-smile-
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Beautiful indeed :)
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Right?
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Oh chimes set high on the sunny tower
Ring on, ring on unendingly,
Make all the hours a single hour,
For when the dusk begins to flower,
The man I love will come to me! ...
It's a beautiful poem. Thanks for pointing me in that direction.
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so was that....you got it girl -smile-
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Hi, Jaq, I'm sure I'm being dim, but I don't understand 'out with our ken'?
REAL free verse sems to have risen on site the last couple of days, and I'm liking it more and more.
You use perfect words and format to convey a special togetherness here. Romantic and dreamy.
Best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Hi, Jaq, I'm sure I'm being dim, but I don't understand 'out with our ken'?
REAL free verse sems to have risen on site the last couple of days, and I'm liking it more and more.
You use perfect words and format to convey a special togetherness here. Romantic and dreamy.
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 14-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Outwith our understanding it means Ray. Thanks for your great review :) Jaq x
Comment from Gungalo
Whatever it may be,
you are me
and
I am you.
That is what I call real soul mates. The ability to know what the other is thinking and react to it. Beautiful write girl.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Whatever it may be,
you are me
and
I am you.
That is what I call real soul mates. The ability to know what the other is thinking and react to it. Beautiful write girl.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for your kind review Gungalo. :) Jaq x
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Smiling at you.
Comment from Spike the second
Hello Jaq
Ahother great sensual poem, with a rather saucy picture ooh matron!
Seriously though gret poetry and writing.
Blessings
Spike
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Hello Jaq
Ahother great sensual poem, with a rather saucy picture ooh matron!
Seriously though gret poetry and writing.
Blessings
Spike
Comment Written 14-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Thanks Spike, always much appreciated. :) Jaq x
Comment from Jamezy
Your words work so well... As if they were made for each other at times...You truly get better with each new day, with each new writing... Well done Jaq Cee....
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Your words work so well... As if they were made for each other at times...You truly get better with each new day, with each new writing... Well done Jaq Cee....
Comment Written 14-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for your kind words and for reading my poem James. Much appreciated. :) Jaq x
Comment from alexisleech
You are so right. I can identify with this lovely poem so much because I've been where the writer is now, and know exactly how it feels. Well done for capturing it so well here.
Alexis x
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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You are so right. I can identify with this lovely poem so much because I've been where the writer is now, and know exactly how it feels. Well done for capturing it so well here.
Alexis x
Comment Written 14-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Thank you for your kind review Alexis. :) Jaq x
Comment from cce29
Good title and pic for true poem. I really like where you went for a love poem. It is very true, when you have that once in a life time connection with some one, its very easy to know what each other is saying, going to say, thinking, wanting, etc. I'm proof of that. Anyways, you should enter this into a contest. Yur poem flows well, nicely written. I look forward to reading more of your work
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Good title and pic for true poem. I really like where you went for a love poem. It is very true, when you have that once in a life time connection with some one, its very easy to know what each other is saying, going to say, thinking, wanting, etc. I'm proof of that. Anyways, you should enter this into a contest. Yur poem flows well, nicely written. I look forward to reading more of your work
Comment Written 14-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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cce, so glad you liked and the poem resonated with you. Thanks for your kind review also. :) Jaq x