Tommy Turkey's Trip
Poem for Children6 total reviews
Comment from mommerry
An action-filled, laugh provoking poem with a wonderful rhyming lilt. Any child would enjoy hearing it. You did a very good job.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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An action-filled, laugh provoking poem with a wonderful rhyming lilt. Any child would enjoy hearing it. You did a very good job.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my words. I really enjoy writing for children and I'm glad that you enjoyed this one.
Comment from Jaq Cee
Really enjoyed this story with the moral to it also. A good fun read for children with cute rhyming and lovely rhythm. Best of luck. :) Jaq x
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Really enjoyed this story with the moral to it also. A good fun read for children with cute rhyming and lovely rhythm. Best of luck. :) Jaq x
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my words. I think the kids will appreciate that I didn't have them eat the hero. ;-)
Comment from elliejean
I love the picture. I love the poem. I am happy to see you didn't have this turkey as part of the next meal. You like your message. Beware of where you go. Especially if you don't know it is safe. Great work.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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I love the picture. I love the poem. I am happy to see you didn't have this turkey as part of the next meal. You like your message. Beware of where you go. Especially if you don't know it is safe. Great work.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my words. I agree that the little ones may be a bit shocked if they find someone eating the hero of the story. ;-)
Comment from more2write
Very cute. I liked the story very much and it was a fun read. Just a couple of nit-picks. Easy fixes that your eye could have easily missed. Respell turkey in this paragraph:
Bobbing back where he began, wet
wings awash with mud and muck,
Tommy Turky couldn't fly, his
feathers floppy, soggy, stuck.
Also, in this paragraph turkeys are plural and not possessive so you do not need the apostrophe in this paragraph:
Turkey's aren't your brightest bird so
Tommy tried to swim, and sank.
Nice job all in all, more2write
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Very cute. I liked the story very much and it was a fun read. Just a couple of nit-picks. Easy fixes that your eye could have easily missed. Respell turkey in this paragraph:
Bobbing back where he began, wet
wings awash with mud and muck,
Tommy Turky couldn't fly, his
feathers floppy, soggy, stuck.
Also, in this paragraph turkeys are plural and not possessive so you do not need the apostrophe in this paragraph:
Turkey's aren't your brightest bird so
Tommy tried to swim, and sank.
Nice job all in all, more2write
Comment Written 07-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Dear More2write. Thank you so much for the catches. I'm surprised that Mr. Ed's spell check didn't let me know about the first. The second didn't get changed from the start. The line used to read "Turkey's brains are very small"--but I decided to stay away from anatomy.Should have stayed away from the apostrophy too. I do need to discipline myself edit with an eagle eye. I appreciate that you did such a thorough and thoughtful read.
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You're welcome. Sometimes we are too close to our writing to see it. Blessings, more2write
Comment from Scribbler67
What a delightful and lyrical poem. Great fun, and lots of lovely imagery for children.
One little hiccup in the meter of line 1. v.4. I think if you swapped it round to 'He said aloud, "Well, what comes now?" it would scan.
Thoroughly enjoyable, both for adults to read out loud, and for children to listen to.
Well done, and good luck.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2012
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What a delightful and lyrical poem. Great fun, and lots of lovely imagery for children.
One little hiccup in the meter of line 1. v.4. I think if you swapped it round to 'He said aloud, "Well, what comes now?" it would scan.
Thoroughly enjoyable, both for adults to read out loud, and for children to listen to.
Well done, and good luck.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2012
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Thanks for the review and careful read. I will head over and check that line.
Comment from wordsareus
This is a wonderful poem about Tommy Turkey. You have a knack for writing children's poetry. It flows smoothly, and tells a fun story with an important message. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2012
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This is a wonderful poem about Tommy Turkey. You have a knack for writing children's poetry. It flows smoothly, and tells a fun story with an important message. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2012
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Thank you for taking time to read this. I appreciate your letting me know what appealed to you. Thank you for the extra star too.