Comment from Jamezy

Excellent

First time i have seen you write in that style Jaq Cee. Hope its not the last. I absolutely love this. Cant fault it. i once thought very dark writing was your " comfort zone " but not any more. To me that was beautiful and in my own personal opinion has taken you to a whole new level. very well done Jaq Cee........x

 Comment Written 01-Nov-2012

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012

Thank you so very much for your kind words. You have known me quite a while and I'm glad you see improvement. Once again thank you for your very kind review. :) Jaq x

reply by Jamezy on 01-Nov-2012

Your most welcome my friend..... x

Comment from Mrs Happy Poet

Excellent

This s very well written my friend it is sensuous romantic and very beautiful presented well no punctuation just how I like it well done regards Jill

 Comment Written 01-Nov-2012

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012

Thank you so much Jill, as always your reviews are most welcomed and appreciated. Take care :) Jaq x

Comment from Eliza M

Excellent

This piece of free verse flows wit ease Jaq and there is much 'raw emotion' and passion woven through it. I must be honest and say that the line ' 'till the sun does dissipate' seems slightly awkward to me but I'm not sure how to express why. I think 'dissipate' just feels not to be quite the right word choice and 'does dissipate' as opposed to 'dissipates' somehow emphasises this. Perhaps-

'till the sun sets sated
seeks slumber
?

Not sure. It's not a critisism, just an observation/feeling, hope you don't mind me mentioning it.
I love 'love flows unabated' and 'drinking in your smell'
Wishing you all the best in the comp'. Liz.x

 Comment Written 01-Nov-2012

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012

Thanks once again my friend for your very helpful input. It works well. Also many thanks for all your kind reviews. :) Jaq x

Comment from Gungalo

Excellent

It's nice JC but I wonder why everyone, witha few exceptions, writes free verse in quatrain form. That makes in automatically a quatrain form. Free verse should just flow.

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012

You're correct and I'm going to play about with it a bit more. Thanks for your valued review Gungalo. :) Jaq x

reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012

I would appreciate it if you would take a look again for me Gungalo :) Jaq x

reply by Gungalo on 01-Nov-2012

Very very nice CJ. You see what I mean.

reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012

Thank you so much for your input. I do struggle a wee bit with non rhyming poems. You've aided my learning curve, much appreciated. :) Jaq x

reply by Gungalo on 01-Nov-2012

Sure thing Jaq!!

Comment from Spike the second

Excellent

Hi Jaq

Just one small thing the line 'stay with my my sweetheart' is a typo it should be 'stay with me my sweetheart' and then it makes perfect sense.

A lovely poem

My my you are good at this lark :) LOL

Kind Regards

Spike

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012

Hahahaha, thanks for pointing that typo out my friend. My my your reviews are really helpful and kind ;-) Jaq x

Comment from uniqueauthor

Excellent

This is a lovely poem, but a free verse doesn't have a rhyme scheme. Love is an awesome thing,and when shared from the heart it is the most powerful of emotions. Good luck in the contest. This is excellent. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 31-Oct-2012

Did I rhyme?? Will have to check. Thanks for pointing that out and for your review. :) Jaq x

reply by the author on 31-Oct-2012

I've changed the last line, hope it reads ok.