Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Something there is..."A collection of my poems
95 total reviews
Comment from crstarlette
The Frost poem is such an amazing one and I love your idea to respond to it copying the format of the original. For me line 10 messes up my rhythm because I find it difficult to get the phrase "heart's ache" smoothly out of my mouth, but I realize changing it to heartache would mess up the iambic meter, so...? I love your twist on the final line - making it almost the same, but adding some extra information.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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The Frost poem is such an amazing one and I love your idea to respond to it copying the format of the original. For me line 10 messes up my rhythm because I find it difficult to get the phrase "heart's ache" smoothly out of my mouth, but I realize changing it to heartache would mess up the iambic meter, so...? I love your twist on the final line - making it almost the same, but adding some extra information.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the great review and welcometo FanStory - I sneaked a peek at your posts so far - some strong stuff - look forward to more.
Glad you enjoyed this - of course it is easy to knock someone down...
Steve
Comment from ScarletClearwater
Whoa! Nice one you have here! This is a fantastic piece with such darkness. It should be in the horror prompt. Great job raising the hair on my arms. And a great closing line.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Whoa! Nice one you have here! This is a fantastic piece with such darkness. It should be in the horror prompt. Great job raising the hair on my arms. And a great closing line.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the nice review.
Steve
Comment from Scarbrems
I enjoyed this, it is as dark as the original is sweet. I love the last two lines, so sinister and dark. Excellent, but you might burn in hell for it
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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I enjoyed this, it is as dark as the original is sweet. I love the last two lines, so sinister and dark. Excellent, but you might burn in hell for it
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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No one is great until they have been lampooned - I'm sure the old feller won't mind.
Steve
Comment from whispersofthesoul
Hiya,
This is a great take on Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening, nice and sinister. This is a revamp, and you turned it around and gone from past to present, and your rhymes are nice and strong
My only problem Is the font, I found it really difficult to read.
Good work and an enjoyable read xx
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Hiya,
This is a great take on Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening, nice and sinister. This is a revamp, and you turned it around and gone from past to present, and your rhymes are nice and strong
My only problem Is the font, I found it really difficult to read.
Good work and an enjoyable read xx
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Thanks for the kind review - sorry about the font - I am usually careful about that stuff.
Steve
Comment from Carrie Carson
I like this, it's twists in a direction away from the gentle beauty in nature to the vengeful heart.
No spag issues, good form. Of course, with Frost as a guide, that's bound to be helpful.
No fuss from me, I found this enjoyable. :) Carrie
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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I like this, it's twists in a direction away from the gentle beauty in nature to the vengeful heart.
No spag issues, good form. Of course, with Frost as a guide, that's bound to be helpful.
No fuss from me, I found this enjoyable. :) Carrie
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Thanks, carrie - glad you enjoyed - yes, helped me to appreciate just what he had done with the rhyme - actually not easy even to emulate...
Steve
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You're welcome. :)
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
kiwisteveh, sure that poem was and always will be everyone's favorite. That is something in the past. Yours is in the present day. A wonderfully sinister take. I love the dark side you have exposed of yourself here.
Great poem, a great reading, very well done,,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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kiwisteveh, sure that poem was and always will be everyone's favorite. That is something in the past. Yours is in the present day. A wonderfully sinister take. I love the dark side you have exposed of yourself here.
Great poem, a great reading, very well done,,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Thanks, jim. Glad you enjoyed my new take on an old favourite.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
From the first line of this poem, I perceived that there is a deeper message in-planted in this work which I am trying to unlock, this waited till the last two lines: 'Beneath the frozen lake you'll sleep.
With her, beneath the lake you'll sleep.' Good rhyme scheme, well built.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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From the first line of this poem, I perceived that there is a deeper message in-planted in this work which I am trying to unlock, this waited till the last two lines: 'Beneath the frozen lake you'll sleep.
With her, beneath the lake you'll sleep.' Good rhyme scheme, well built.
ola thomas
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Thanks, Ola - just wanted to breathe some life into the owner of the woods and he turned out to be a murderer!
Steve
Comment from GoodieMama
Wow, this version can actually be transformed into a story. The promises the now dead brother kept, must have been to the newly deceased female who played false with both brothers. The promise to meet up, the promise to get married or elope. Thank you for the spark of inspiration, though you should think about writing it since it's your wonderful idea.
Kiesha
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Wow, this version can actually be transformed into a story. The promises the now dead brother kept, must have been to the newly deceased female who played false with both brothers. The promise to meet up, the promise to get married or elope. Thank you for the spark of inspiration, though you should think about writing it since it's your wonderful idea.
Kiesha
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Thanks, kiesha - don't think I have the stamina for a novel - maybe a short story, or I can see it as a nice movie...
Steve
Comment from CuriousLyricist
Very good poem. The second line of the second stanza could have a comma at the end of it though. Whatever you prefer really. Thank you! -Curious
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Very good poem. The second line of the second stanza could have a comma at the end of it though. Whatever you prefer really. Thank you! -Curious
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the nice review.
Steve
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Steve, I remember faintly Frost's poem (barely remember And miles to go before I sleep) so I have to check it out first... This is definitely the eerie and black version of its predecessor. Are you not afraid the Poet will rise from his grave? Anyway, yours make sense too, and tells an interesting story as well.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Hi, Steve, I remember faintly Frost's poem (barely remember And miles to go before I sleep) so I have to check it out first... This is definitely the eerie and black version of its predecessor. Are you not afraid the Poet will rise from his grave? Anyway, yours make sense too, and tells an interesting story as well.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the nice review.
Steve