Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Gima: Lost"fantasy adventure
16 total reviews
Comment from Capture
I know it's not your intention to boast of your intellect, but the colourful style in your writing is worthy of applause. It goes to brilliance in bringing all these facets together, Hunter, Trell and Gima's stories are done justice. Together with this, the excellence in your discipline, in the detail and care with which you prepare and research are commendable.
Your words transport me out of my current reality into one of a father's frustrated exhaustion, coupled with a mother's selfless concern. A little bit of irritation at the kids reactions, but it's too be understood.
I am part of your story and it is part of me, I expect no further explanation is required.
Just a humble thank you!
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2012
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I know it's not your intention to boast of your intellect, but the colourful style in your writing is worthy of applause. It goes to brilliance in bringing all these facets together, Hunter, Trell and Gima's stories are done justice. Together with this, the excellence in your discipline, in the detail and care with which you prepare and research are commendable.
Your words transport me out of my current reality into one of a father's frustrated exhaustion, coupled with a mother's selfless concern. A little bit of irritation at the kids reactions, but it's too be understood.
I am part of your story and it is part of me, I expect no further explanation is required.
Just a humble thank you!
Comment Written 28-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Capture. I had to laugh at your irritation at the 'kids.' I hoped they would be just that, giving Trell a day to remember. LOL I always look forward to your reviews. You make this world that I try to create seem as special to you as I would hope it could ever be. Thank you, so much. :)
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Thanks for letting me be your mirror. Best wishes, as always!
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
Very well written. Great dialogue too. You have an unusual style, which I find refreshing. Others may disagree, but I think your use of short, succinct paragraphs is effective, especially for this kind of a story.
Good work. Keep going.
cheers
js
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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Very well written. Great dialogue too. You have an unusual style, which I find refreshing. Others may disagree, but I think your use of short, succinct paragraphs is effective, especially for this kind of a story.
Good work. Keep going.
cheers
js
Comment Written 26-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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Thank you, js. It seems many are enjoying this story. I'm glad you found it a pleasant read and found it refreshing. Your review is quite a compliment. :) BD
Comment from cvcopac
The drama seems to be over for now and domesticity and self preservation is the order of the day. Good description on both accounts. Did Zee suckle the doe? If so which one? Oh, twenty gallops away. He caught that doe? The ending has suspense and I'm wondering if this is an intruder. Also we have Gima, Asmel and the cougar coming up. An amazing chapter and you have your work cut out for 25. The notes are a story in themselves. Each read I re-read them.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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The drama seems to be over for now and domesticity and self preservation is the order of the day. Good description on both accounts. Did Zee suckle the doe? If so which one? Oh, twenty gallops away. He caught that doe? The ending has suspense and I'm wondering if this is an intruder. Also we have Gima, Asmel and the cougar coming up. An amazing chapter and you have your work cut out for 25. The notes are a story in themselves. Each read I re-read them.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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Yes, being that this is again only half of a full write's post, it is the calm before the storm. (trite but true LOL) Trell caught the doe. He's been here in the Valley for about two years now, so the animals know him. He caught her, maybe as he has done many times with her and others. He and Gima like milk, too. I didn't put all of this in. It's only drag things out--boring. Hunter is on Trell's ground. You are not far off as to how Trell feels about this ... You are getting to know the characters well, my friend. Thank you for that. I need the notes, too. LOL Oh, you forgot the bear! LOL And more.(play mysterious music);)ellen
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Ok. excerpt--and the bear--I'll have to go back.
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I'll bet its that bear in Trells camp.
Comment from Tina55
Hey Ellen,
Baby-sitting and watching the sick prove[s] to be daunting tasks for Trell.
My, what a handy guy Trell is! I love all your natural remedies. Great work!
Geez, reading this makes me glad I'm done with the toddler and baby stages. Bring on independence!! :-)
I love how you have Gima mask her smell. I will have to remember that one! My hayfever will go insane, but I won't attract many big hairy things with sharp teeth. Right?
Great descriptions, Ellen. You bring the forest alive as well as the underground of Below City.
it poses a territorial threat to this hungry one-hundred and fifty pound mother of three. (Very creative way to describe a cougar!!)
Talk about a busy day in the forest!
Great way to end, Ellen!
Keep up the good work...
Tina
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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Hey Ellen,
Baby-sitting and watching the sick prove[s] to be daunting tasks for Trell.
My, what a handy guy Trell is! I love all your natural remedies. Great work!
Geez, reading this makes me glad I'm done with the toddler and baby stages. Bring on independence!! :-)
I love how you have Gima mask her smell. I will have to remember that one! My hayfever will go insane, but I won't attract many big hairy things with sharp teeth. Right?
Great descriptions, Ellen. You bring the forest alive as well as the underground of Below City.
it poses a territorial threat to this hungry one-hundred and fifty pound mother of three. (Very creative way to describe a cougar!!)
Talk about a busy day in the forest!
Great way to end, Ellen!
Keep up the good work...
Tina
Comment Written 26-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Tina. I'll keep plugging away at it. Not nearly as fun as Bellow City though. Love your comments about masking human smell and child rearing. LOL Thank you again. :) ellen xx
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Your descriptions are so great... you never
cease to amaze me with your vivid imagination, Ellen.
for the roosting sparrows[,] that they - comma not needed.
blue mountains... shouldn't this be cap B and M if it's naming a place??
of rattlesnake, it poses - either
of rattlesnake; it poses... or
of rattlesnake, posing a
Gima searchs for - searches
Blathen raises up - rises
nearby - one word
Margaret
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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Your descriptions are so great... you never
cease to amaze me with your vivid imagination, Ellen.
for the roosting sparrows[,] that they - comma not needed.
blue mountains... shouldn't this be cap B and M if it's naming a place??
of rattlesnake, it poses - either
of rattlesnake; it poses... or
of rattlesnake, posing a
Gima searchs for - searches
Blathen raises up - rises
nearby - one word
Margaret
Comment Written 26-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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Hi Margaret. Did I really miss that semi-colon. Boo on me. LOL
Thank you the other corrections and I'll change the 'blue mountains' to a 'range of blue mountains or 'blue mountain range' so as not to be a name. I'm getting sloppy. Thank you so much for catching these horrible mistakes. :) ellen
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Hi Ellen,
I had another fast read of the last chapter just to bring myself up to speed.
Right away, I'm fascinated by the unique flavour of your writing.
Determined to impress Gima, Trell attends to Hunter. Ground coneflowers soak, brewing an antibacterial tea. He smears egg white on angry burns, applies a mix of allantoin rich corn silk and aloe to Hunter's seared right side and lays an echinacea-marigold poultice on the human's torn toes. Finally, Trell covers him with yards of hanging moss collected from the oaks to shield him from gnats and flies. - This is wonderfully imaginative stuff. Bravo, lass!
raising his hands to this mouth - should this be this? or his?
Things that Gima had carefully packed for the boys fly everywhere. Most of them land on Blathen who delights being buried and peeks out of a crack between a woven moss tunic and deerskin leggings draped over his head. I disappear. I'm invisible. Fun. He crouches under the growing pile and holds very still. - Haha - love this, so cute!
The entire episode with the cougar is fantastic. You capture the hunting instinct of the cat perfectly. Or should I say purr-fectly? ;o)
I find myself being drawn into this story. It has a certain primitive flavour to the tale that I find very appealing. Again, it's just so full of colour to me. There is not a blurred outline anywhere. Everything is clearly defined in my mind. Pixar would be impressed with the quality of animation!
I need to know if Gima makes it back okay, or if her leaking breast milk is going to bring on some other predator.
And Hunter's treatment has obviously worked!
Looking forward to the next!
Love Av.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Hi Ellen,
I had another fast read of the last chapter just to bring myself up to speed.
Right away, I'm fascinated by the unique flavour of your writing.
Determined to impress Gima, Trell attends to Hunter. Ground coneflowers soak, brewing an antibacterial tea. He smears egg white on angry burns, applies a mix of allantoin rich corn silk and aloe to Hunter's seared right side and lays an echinacea-marigold poultice on the human's torn toes. Finally, Trell covers him with yards of hanging moss collected from the oaks to shield him from gnats and flies. - This is wonderfully imaginative stuff. Bravo, lass!
raising his hands to this mouth - should this be this? or his?
Things that Gima had carefully packed for the boys fly everywhere. Most of them land on Blathen who delights being buried and peeks out of a crack between a woven moss tunic and deerskin leggings draped over his head. I disappear. I'm invisible. Fun. He crouches under the growing pile and holds very still. - Haha - love this, so cute!
The entire episode with the cougar is fantastic. You capture the hunting instinct of the cat perfectly. Or should I say purr-fectly? ;o)
I find myself being drawn into this story. It has a certain primitive flavour to the tale that I find very appealing. Again, it's just so full of colour to me. There is not a blurred outline anywhere. Everything is clearly defined in my mind. Pixar would be impressed with the quality of animation!
I need to know if Gima makes it back okay, or if her leaking breast milk is going to bring on some other predator.
And Hunter's treatment has obviously worked!
Looking forward to the next!
Love Av.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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I'm glad you are enjoying this, Av. We still have Asmel on the east trail and bears returning. It's all pretty much the same old always told plot. I've got to zing it up a bit. I love the animal behavior studies and presenting them but it's so PG. It will pick up in a bit before I loose the gore and mayhem lovers. LOL Awesome confrontations, like when Blathen killed the wolves, is what I love to do. The scenes at Sadies with Trolious and then Trell's escaped are a new dimension ... Under Earth Vermels like Blathen use Vertants cruelly for sport and pleasure. Humans are the enemy. Here we have two humans who raised a Vertant, Gima, hoping she was a reverse mutation therefore human. We have Trell who came 'up' from below and met Gima who taught him in two years when he knows about humans.(They met secretly while she was still living with Hunter and Asmel.) He taught her his culture, too. Here we are--quite a mixed group in the valley.
Some have seen it similar to the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. The way I try make stark contrasts between Upper and Under Earth to the point that the animals in Upper Earth turn out often looking like cartoon creatures -- again too good to be true. The Vermel are too bad to be true. LOL Thank you again Av.:) ellen
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Yes, now you mention it, it does remind me of Lord of the Rings, for sure. You have an amazing imagination. :o)
Comment from strandregs
Ground coneflowers - coRnflowers?
dark pinkish-tan completion returns. - CompleXion?
Well, I found it a good read with no hitches , no boring bits, the story is fluid and captivating, in regard to the previous chapters.Z.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Ground coneflowers - coRnflowers?
dark pinkish-tan completion returns. - CompleXion?
Well, I found it a good read with no hitches , no boring bits, the story is fluid and captivating, in regard to the previous chapters.Z.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Hi, Z. CoNeflowers is correct. That is what the echinacea plant's flowers are called ... go figure? I'll get the typo in complexion ASAP. It's the usual first half of a chapter. The second half is always better. This is just the build up to a more exciting point. I hate having to post one-half at a time here on FS, but very few will read past 1700 words and even that is pushing it. LOL :) Thank you again. I've been out all day. It was nice to come back and see your words.:)
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I humbly appologize my dear friend.Z.
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What for, Z. You didn't do anything wrong. All of your advice is so important to me. I didn't mean to sound harsh if I was. Maybe, it's just today which will pass soon.:)
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You are never harsh , you are my cuddly teddy.
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I just cuddled you again. See your review--weeds, reeds, seeds...
Comment from Janie King
Cluck, cluck..my chicken moments go on. I'm sure this is a well-written chapter. I really do like it when some non-chicken poems, stories show up on my behalf..God bless.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Cluck, cluck..my chicken moments go on. I'm sure this is a well-written chapter. I really do like it when some non-chicken poems, stories show up on my behalf..God bless.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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This is totally not a threatening chapter. Trell is just taking care of his children and a sick human that he rescued. Thank you, Janie. cluck, cluck. Ha-ha. I like that.:) ellen
Comment from c_lucas
A very well set-up chapter with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme.
???
This is not what a man (male) is meant to do.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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A very well set-up chapter with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme.
???
This is not what a man (male) is meant to do.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the correction and you are right. Big oops on my part. I screen for this kind of thing and missed this one. I'm fixing that immediately. :) ellen
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You're welcome, Ellen. Charlie
Comment from linnietwotymez
This was easy to follow for anyone reading this book. The word play is outstanding. This part: Blathen laughs at Zee's bottom, now as red as a Jonathon from the apple grove. I thought this was a good usage of simile. For a second, I thought Gima and the cougar were about to clash.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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This was easy to follow for anyone reading this book. The word play is outstanding. This part: Blathen laughs at Zee's bottom, now as red as a Jonathon from the apple grove. I thought this was a good usage of simile. For a second, I thought Gima and the cougar were about to clash.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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You're busy today, linnietwotymez. Thank you for reviewing this chapter, too. Your comments are really appreciated.:) ellen