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Viewing comments for Chapter 69 "Cleaning Up"Shorter stories
16 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Gosh Bill, this was a sad one, what a family! I'm guessing we use our own imaginations and work out the ending. A loaded gun, an empty room, but the sun will rise tomorrow. But, will she? I've just seen your author's notes, so this was based on a true story? OMG! How sad is that? You certainly put it into words well, Bill! Well done. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Gosh Bill, this was a sad one, what a family! I'm guessing we use our own imaginations and work out the ending. A loaded gun, an empty room, but the sun will rise tomorrow. But, will she? I've just seen your author's notes, so this was based on a true story? OMG! How sad is that? You certainly put it into words well, Bill! Well done. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Her uncle*s brains on the wall looked like a *...sad sunrise...*.
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I'll never look at a sunrise again with out thinking of her uncle's brains on that wall!!!! 😂
Comment from Axiom Gray
I am so jealous! You are a fantastic wordsmith, Mr. Schott. The last word's full-circle symbolism was perfect. What a sad tale! How much of this story is based on fact?
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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I am so jealous! You are a fantastic wordsmith, Mr. Schott. The last word's full-circle symbolism was perfect. What a sad tale! How much of this story is based on fact?
Comment Written 11-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Thank you again, sir.
Comment from Scarbrems
A brilliant story. I have enjoyed everything of yours I have read. You really know how to keep the reader absorbed. I can assure you these are not empty platitudes
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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A brilliant story. I have enjoyed everything of yours I have read. You really know how to keep the reader absorbed. I can assure you these are not empty platitudes
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from dmt1967
I think you told this story very well it was a well written story very sad but believable which if a writer can make a reader believe that makes them a very good writer indeed
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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I think you told this story very well it was a well written story very sad but believable which if a writer can make a reader believe that makes them a very good writer indeed
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from RaymondJohn
Fascinating gruesome description of the crime scene. The character's detachment is really something. I like the story and certainly would like to read more. Best wishes. Ray.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Fascinating gruesome description of the crime scene. The character's detachment is really something. I like the story and certainly would like to read more. Best wishes. Ray.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Anisa-
Very chilling and well penned. Your opening really hooks the reader and makes them want to delve into the story. The details you add such as what the uncle said about brains really adds to irony of it all. The fact that mother was so harsh and able to just leave her child is disturbing. What's more disturbing is that she had him help with the clean-up. Seems she was the leech ... Well done. Eerie read.
Anisa
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2012
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Very chilling and well penned. Your opening really hooks the reader and makes them want to delve into the story. The details you add such as what the uncle said about brains really adds to irony of it all. The fact that mother was so harsh and able to just leave her child is disturbing. What's more disturbing is that she had him help with the clean-up. Seems she was the leech ... Well done. Eerie read.
Anisa
Comment Written 03-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from mcorbinrn
Great story line and really kept my interest the whole way through. Really enjoyed this and the last sentence really made the story! WOW! Thanks I truely liked this piece.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2012
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Great story line and really kept my interest the whole way through. Really enjoyed this and the last sentence really made the story! WOW! Thanks I truely liked this piece.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from ennahanid
This is a very powerful piece of writing and I get this one...very well written and also very sad. The mother had a lot of issues, her mouth and attitude really heading the list.
Hard to think that any young person should have to clean up after a suicide, this brought tears to my eyes especially as by your notes it is based somewhat on truth.
You don't realize what an awful word leech is until you read something like this
I liked very much the narrator's care and compassion in spending for an urn for Uncle Buddy...possibly the only respect he received.
Dinah
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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This is a very powerful piece of writing and I get this one...very well written and also very sad. The mother had a lot of issues, her mouth and attitude really heading the list.
Hard to think that any young person should have to clean up after a suicide, this brought tears to my eyes especially as by your notes it is based somewhat on truth.
You don't realize what an awful word leech is until you read something like this
I liked very much the narrator's care and compassion in spending for an urn for Uncle Buddy...possibly the only respect he received.
Dinah
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Thank you for reading it. A counselor told me that one of my student's mother made her do this last year.
Comment from P1
this was a very heart wrenching tear jerking
story. how unfeeling could a person be to expect
a child to cope with such trauma and not try to
shield in any way. great read kept me glued and
good luck with it
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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this was a very heart wrenching tear jerking
story. how unfeeling could a person be to expect
a child to cope with such trauma and not try to
shield in any way. great read kept me glued and
good luck with it
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Thank you again for your thoughtful and helpful review. Bill
Comment from PoesyPoet
What a sad and pitiful existence this poor family has or had. I feel terribly for the girl who will, more likely than not, take her own life too.
I've seen the television show, "Crime Scene Clean Up," and they are very very ugly. Cleaning up after the uncle would have freaked me out so I can imagine what a young girl would be thinking.
I would have liked to read more of this story like how she ended up at this point in her life and why her dad left her mom and her.
Your storytelling is amazing. It kept me interested until the very end. Well done and good luck in the contest. PP
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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What a sad and pitiful existence this poor family has or had. I feel terribly for the girl who will, more likely than not, take her own life too.
I've seen the television show, "Crime Scene Clean Up," and they are very very ugly. Cleaning up after the uncle would have freaked me out so I can imagine what a young girl would be thinking.
I would have liked to read more of this story like how she ended up at this point in her life and why her dad left her mom and her.
Your storytelling is amazing. It kept me interested until the very end. Well done and good luck in the contest. PP
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Our guidance counselor told me that one of my students was made to go and do this. Thank you for the kind and thoughtful review.